Melissa Steptoe

Integrative therapy adapted to you. Special interests: LGBTQIA+ / Gender, Sexual & Relationship Diversity; & working with people experiencing antagonistic/narcissistic relationships. Online therapy via Zoom.

What can therapy help with?

• Some people want to resolve a specific problem, others feel low or stuck in general. Counselling can help people who are feeling depressed or anxious, struggling with self-confidence, relationship problems (whether with partners, family, or at work), stress, loss, trauma, major life decisions and many other things.
• Therapy can help you to get to know yourself better and be more comfortable being yourself. It can help you see relationships, events, and decisions more clearly; and help with acceptance or change.
• Whatever you want to talk about, therapy gives you a safe space for 50 minutes every week, when you can talk openly and honestly in confidence. It can be easier to talk to a therapist about things you are struggling with, as you can focus on yourself without worrying about the person you’re talking to. You won’t be told what to do or judged, and hopefully, you’ll feel like you’re being heard, believed, and understood. 

Special interests in therapy

• Working with LGBTQIA+ clients & GSRD (Gender, Sexual and Relationship Diversity)

It can be helpful to have a therapist with awareness of (and experience of working with) gender, sexual and relationship diversity, so that as a client you don’t have to educate your therapist or worry about being judged or not being understood. 

A lot of the time GSRD or being LGBTQIA+ isn’t the actual issue a client wants to talk about; we have relationships, work, mental health, and life struggles like everyone else. Sometimes it is the main thing on someone’s mind. Either way, it can help to know that therapy is a safe place to bring all of yourself, your relationships, and your life.

I have worked with many clients who have LGBTQIA+, non-binary, poly and kink identities or experiences, including volunteering as a counsellor at a local (Essex) LGBT+ charity for 4 years. I have also completed training on being aware of and working with, gender, sexual and relationship diversity in therapy.

• Working with people experiencing antagonistic or narcissistic relationships

Likewise, it can be helpful to have a therapist who understands the toll of being in a relationship that is full of conflict, and who understands that clients who are struggling with an antagonistic partner, family member, friend or colleague might need different tools to navigate these relationships than the usual good communication toolkit.

For example, talking about your feelings honestly, taking turns talking and listening, and trying to understand what the other person is “really saying” are usually good tools for improving communication and helping to resolve relationship problems. 

However, this doesn’t work so well when you are talking to someone who usually responds by getting extremely angry or aggressive; when they often change the focus of the conversation to make it about putting you down or criticising you, instead of trying to understand each other (e.g. “What I said wasn’t disrespectful, you’re always too sensitive!”); or they gaslight you and deny reality (e.g. “I never said/did that!” (They did)). Other techniques, like engaging less and setting good boundaries, can help you stay emotionally safer.

What is integrative therapy?

As an integrative therapist, I adapt how I work and use the approaches and tools that are the best fit for you, so you get the most out of our sessions. That said, I think that having a good relationship with your therapist is at least as important as the type of therapy you have, which is why having an assessment session is useful to see how we get on together.

I usually start therapy working in a more humanistic way so we can build a trusting relationship. I try to see the world from your perspective and understand who you are and what you’re struggling with. I offer you acceptance not judgement; I will be honest with you and authentic in the hope that you will feel able to be honest, be yourself and talk about what is really bothering you. Occasionally I can work in just a person-centred way if it suits a client. Most of the time, I will introduce elements of other types of therapy, depending on what I think will most benefit you.

I sometimes integrate, or use elements of, psychodynamic therapy (e.g., if you find yourself repeating patterns in your relationships, you might need to understand how this is influenced by something in your past so you can change the pattern); Transactional Analysis (e.g., using the concepts of “Parent-Adult-Child” or the “Drama Triangle” to us understand how you are relating to other people, and make changes if necessary); Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (tools like the ABC model can help us look at how your thoughts, feelings and actions are linked and can sometimes keep you stuck in a loop, and how you can break out of that); Gestalt Therapy; Acceptance and Commitment Therapy; creative therapy; Existential therapy; mindfulness techniques and psychoeducation (e.g., helping clients understand patterns in antagonistic or abusive relationships, and how this differs from healthy relationships). 

Getting in touch

I know that reaching out for support can be difficult and feel scary, whether you’ve had therapy before or not. Please feel free to get in touch with any questions, or to talk about having counselling. I’ll be happy to help. 

You can find more information about me and counselling with me on my website: www.counsellingwithmel.co.uk.

Fees:

• 45 for a 50-minute session on weekdays.
• £50 for a 50-minute session on Saturdays.
• £25 concession rate. Available for people on a low income, limited number of slots, weekday sessions starting between 12pm and 4pm only.

Payment:

• Assessment session payable in advance, same price and length as a normal session.
• Normal sessions can be paid for within 24 hours of the session.

First step: Assessment Session

The first step is to arrange an assessment session. 

• After you contact me, I'll get in touch to agree a time and date for an assessment session. I’ll try to respond within 48 hours, probably during my office hours. If you call my mobile and I don't answer, please leave a message including your name and a number that's safe to call you on.  If you just call and don’t leave a message, I won’t call you back because I don’t know if it’s safe/confidential. 
• An assessment session is different to a normal counselling session. I'll direct the flow more than usual and ask you some questions, because I need to check that counselling with me is an appropriate form of support for you. I need to find out what brings you to therapy and what you hope to gain from it; we will discuss what counselling is and how we might work together; you can ask any questions you may have; and we can see if we get on and are likely to work well together.
• Assessments are online via Zoom and are the same length and cost as a normal session (see "Availability" above).

Before we have an assessment session:

1. I will send you a copy of my “Data Protection and Privacy Policy”, which I will need you to read, sign and return before the session. This is so that you are aware of confidentiality in counselling, and its limits, before you disclose personal information. It is also important that you know and agree to how I use your data (to provide counselling only), how I keep your data safe, and your data protection rights.
2. I will also send you a copy of my “Counselling Agreement” and “Information Leaflet” just to read, so you are aware of how I work and so you can ask any questions during the assessment.
3. I will need you to complete a form with some basic information, like your name, contact details, availability, and GP details.
4. I ask that assessment sessions are paid for in advance. 

After the assessment session:

• If we decide to work together, we’ll sign a “Counselling Agreement” so we know what to expect of each other.
• If we decide not to work together, I will try to direct you to alternative or more appropriate support.

Who do I work with?

• Adults 18+
• Individuals (not couples or family counselling).
• Counselling students

Confidentiality

Generally, counselling is confidential. However, I have regular supervision, and there are some ethical and legal limits to confidentiality which apply in exceptional circumstances, as explained in my Data Protection and Privacy Policy (see my website FAQs for details).

Open-ended or short-term therapy available

• Short-term therapy (e.g., 6 sessions) will be more focussed and concentrate on one main issue you want to work on.
• With longer term therapy you have more flexibility with what you discuss in sessions, although we will still agree aims or goals, and have regular reviews (to discuss how therapy is going, review or revise goals, check that you are still benefiting from therapy, and discuss how we are working together.)

Contact me

• 07480 684768
• mel@counsellingwithmel.co.uk
• www.counsellingwithmel.co.uk (see my website for contact form and more information about therapy, including FAQs)

I look forward to hearing from you.