100 years on and many remember the dead – it's almost expected. It can be good to remember, reflect and explore what endings mean, individually to you. Sometimes linking the past to the present is helpful, but not always; there can be shame and guilt if you're relieved that some part of your life has grown wings and flown away. That's ok too. Sometimes, the deep love and connection you had with the dead brings tears, laughter and a sense of belonging to your world. Shock and isolation...
It's at this time of year that many people can experience an unexplained drop in mood, energy and optimism. We don't really know if it's to do with falling light levels and the harsher weather but it seems likely that, as animals, we are deeply connected to these seasonal changes and what they mean. As the coming winter reminds us, on a deeply primitive level, of our vulnerability to elemental forces, unconscious anxieties about our own mortality are inevitably triggered, with questions about...
Coping with divorce and separation Sometimes in couple counselling one or both parties will decide to separate and seek divorce. If that process is started before emotions, for example around rejection and resentment, are processed then legal proceedings can be messy. Encouragingindividuals, especially the ‘unhappy partner’ to stay in therapy during the separation process, in order to resolve issues relating to the past and to cope with unexpected events and feelings can help them...
If you have a partner who suffers from anxiety, it can feel difficult to know how to support them. You may find that your partner’s illness is affecting your relationship and that you feel angry or upset at them, yet mental illness (including anxiety) can affect anyone and no one is to blame. It is possible for you to support your partner as they live with and recover from their anxiety. Some of the following may help you to enjoy your relationship. Don’t try to fix them The first...
Introduction to social anxiety Social anxiety is a serious condition that I feel is often overlooked and under recognised by many people, even those that are affected by its symptoms. As a therapist, I am passionate about raising awareness of the condition and how the talking therapies have the potential to help. One website claims that social anxiety is the ‘the third largest mental health care problem in the world’ (Socialphobia.org, 2018). Given the prominence of anxiety and...
In order to be close to people that we love, it is important to know our limits and be able to skillfully negotiate both our limits, and those of those around us. Boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not; you can say no (to meeting someone, to lending someone money, to having sex) and still love someone. In fact, your ability to tolerate separateness in your relationships actually enables you to be closer in a healthy way to those around you. There are usually...
One of the fastest growing forms of bullying, cyberbullying can be even more persistent and hard to spot. For many, it can feel like digital bullying knows no boundaries. With almost 30% of young people spending over four hours each day on social media, do you know how your child or teen is behaving online?
The YoungMinds’ Safety Net Report revealed young people are spending more and more time online. 61% of young people surveyed admitted to signing up for their first social media...
Have you ever sat down and thought, why do I keep forming the same relationships time and time again? Why is it that I'm constantly repeating the same old cycle and failing to recognise it until I've fallen off and scraped my knees yet again? What is it about me that attracts the same type of people into my life; why do I not recognise this until it feels too late to get out unscathed? Does the term rescuer mean anything to you? Do you pride yourself as being a thoughtful, considerate and...
It’s not uncommon for couples to change their minds about separating, and even to halt divorce proceedings or remarry. Sometimes it’s sentiment or hope that leads to the reunion; sometimes a split would be a financial or logistical nightmare, or sometimes the couple just can’t be bothered to go through with it. Mostly, though, when couples reunite, it’s because something happens to change each partner’s perspective which gives them more motivation to find ways to...
"Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding" – Mahatma Gandhi "It is thus tolerance that is the source of peace, and intolerance that is the source of disorder and squabbling" – Pierre Bayle It would be surprising if the political, social and cultural aspects of our world did not affect us as individuals. Just as the 20s, 40s and 60s had their own feel and fostered a certain sort of way of being, so too does today's decade. When people come into our counselling...
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