Latest articles on counselling and therapy

Is one of the things you most look forward to about your summer holiday the ability to read a book from beginning to end without interruption? There is nothing better than having the time and space to lose yourself in a book. There are so many good books out there. My Amazon wishlist runs into the hundreds! So, how do you go about deciding which books to take with you? Let me help ease your holiday planning just a little and recommend three inspirational books that made an impression on me and...

Recalling memories about our life history and exploring our past is a normal aspect of counselling. It is an expected part of the process of healing and growth that occurs in the therapy room. Usually, this exploration is undertaken through spoken communication: we speak about our life and the counsellor listens, asking relevant questions as our story unfolds, and accepting and supporting us as we experience the emotions – whatever they may be – that are provoked by those...

A move abroad when your partner is offered a promotion can augur an exciting stage in your life. However, more often than not, the reality of a strange world stings. In your home country, you were surrounded by friends and supported by your family; you had a job with all its rights and obligations. Your name was on the property deed and you (co-)serviced the mortgage, you had a bank account and paid for your own clothes. You existed in and outside the home; you had a clear identity,...

Vocalising your own needs is one of the most difficult and life-changing subjects for counsellors to work with clients on. First of all, it’s worth mentioning that meeting your needs is a crucial element of self-care. Self-care is more than just meeting your needs ‘in the moment’ - it’s about taking action that benefits you both in the moment you are in, as well as your future self. Ask yourself, what do I want things to be like in the future? If you want to feel...

Most of us will agree, in theory, that talking therapies can open ourselves to a process of self-enquiry and create movement and development in our lives, yet many people continue to avoid them.  In my work, I identified a number of errors of reasoning that we have all inherited which prevent us from talking to someone in times of hardship. Mistake number one: You think life is easy This is wrong. Human existence is not always easy; you like to delude yourselves that it is because this...

Brexit and climate change are the latest national crises that have highlighted the fact that nothing in this life is certain, except, as the old adage goes, for death and taxes. Except that is not quite true; uncertainty is the other absolute certainty. It always was and always will be part of our lives as humans, and yet so many of us seem unable to cope with any form of uncertainty. It is, without doubt, the main cause of anxiety or worse. The words “what if”, rather than being...

Mindless what? Have you ever been distracted by your thoughts? Stuff that isn’t happening in the here and now, but you find a way of living it again and again in your head? It may be something that has happened and you keep pressing the rewind button, for some reason wanting to rewind your mind to the situation, the memory, the past. It may be something that worries you, an empty moment in a conversation that you’re now filling with “make believe”... you are making...

I just want to briefly give an analogy of the cycle of conflict. Sometimes the fear of detachment or conflict throws people into an absolute panic. The distance, emotional unavailability or conflict may be triggering something emotional, which could be the need:

to feel valued loved worthy safe acceptable.

During conflict panic, any silence, emotional distance or argument feels unbearable. The urge is to resolve it as soon as possible and get closer. The silences have to be filled,...