Expressing anger
Anger can affect both how we feel and how our body responds. You might notice physical changes, such as a faster heartbeat, quicker breathing, or tense muscles. Recognising these feelings and physical signs can help you understand when anger is building and consider how you want to respond.
Aggression is one way people may express anger, particularly when they feel threatened. However, people can learn to express anger in a healthy, constructive way.
In this video, counsellor Catherine Beach explains how counselling can help deal with angry emotions.
When does anger become a problem?
Anger can become a problem when it starts to negatively affect you or those around you. This can depend on how you express and manage your anger. Keeping your feelings to yourself or expressing anger in harmful ways can affect your health and wellbeing, your relationships, and other areas of your daily life.
For some people, difficulty managing anger may also lead to aggressive, violent or abusive behaviour. If you think you, or someone close to you, is struggling to manage anger, you may want to consider contacting a counsellor for support.
Signs that anger may be becoming a problem
Recognising the signs matters, as being aware of your feelings can help you manage your anger in future situations. Noticing when anger is building may give you an opportunity to pause and consider how you want to respond.
Signs of an anger problem may include:
- explosive outbursts and breaking things;
- getting involved in physical violence;
- arguing with people around you;
- losing your temper quickly (for example, road rage);
- frequent urges to lash out physically or verbally.
If you're worried that your anger could lead you to hurt yourself or someone else, seek professional support. If there is an immediate risk of harm, get urgent help.
What makes us feel angry?
We all cope with anger in our own way, just as we do when feeling sad or stressed. Many factors can influence how we experience and respond to anger. How you interpret and react to certain situations can depend on many life factors, including past experiences, your childhood, and current circumstances.
Everyone can have different triggers for anger. However, some situations commonly make people feel angry, such as feeling threatened or attacked, frustrated, powerless, or treated unfairly. Understanding what triggers your anger can help you recognise your feelings and how you respond. With time and practice, you can find ways to manage these feelings that work for you.
Managing anger
Anger can feel overwhelming, but you can manage your response.
Coping methods include taking time to think, such as counting to 10 before reacting, going for a walk, or talking to a friend. Taking a moment to calm down may help when you notice anger building. You could try breathing deeply and slowly, stepping away from the situation if it's safe, or distracting yourself with something you enjoy. However, these strategies may not always feel easy or be possible in every situation.
In my family, we hadn't been allowed to show our anger, but my counsellor helped me release it, and doing so strengthened me as a person. I could see how repressing it had depressed me.
- Read Debbie's story.
Anger management therapy
Anger management therapy can help people explore possible causes and triggers, and develop ways to manage and respond to anger. Support may involve approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and mindfulness.
The main aims of anger management therapy include:
- identifying why you get angry;
- changing the way you respond to anger;
- learning skills to handle anger effectively;
- learning ways to communicate effectively.
The length and format of anger management support can vary depending on the programme, therapist, and your individual needs. During sessions, you may work with the counsellor to learn specific skills and change unhelpful thought patterns.
Anger management therapy may also include at-home tasks such as journaling and exercises that help you practise the techniques learnt in session.
Finding an anger management counsellor
If anger is affecting your relationships, work, or wellbeing, talking to a counsellor may help. They can offer a supportive, non-judgmental space to explore your feelings, understand what may be triggering your anger, and find ways to manage it.
When choosing a counsellor, consider their training, experience, and approach. It’s also important to find someone you feel comfortable talking to.
At Counselling Directory, all counsellors must meet our membership requirements to be listed. You can learn more about our proof policy or check out the links below to find an online or in-person counsellor near you who offers support with anger management.
