What is self-confidence?
Self-confidence is about trusting your judgement and believing in your abilities. It can help you pursue your goals, try new things and feel more comfortable in different situations.
Person-centred counsellor Jade Stuart (MBACP, BSc) explains more about self-confidence and how it links with self-esteem, the benefits of therapy, and how to find the right counsellor for you.
Self-confidence is made up of a variety of factors, including how you present yourself physically to the world and how you relate to other people. We all differ, but possessing self-confidence can bring benefits to all areas of your life, enhancing your relationships, career, social life and state of mind.
It's also worth noting that levels of confidence can vary depending on your environment or situation. For instance, you may be particularly confident at work but lack social confidence. Or you might have a thriving romantic relationship but lack confidence in your friendships.
How is self-confidence different from self-esteem?
Although the two terms are often used interchangeably, there are key differences between self-confidence and self-esteem. Self-confidence is generally about how much we trust our abilities and judgement, while self-esteem relates to how we value and feel about ourselves. The two can influence each other, but they aren't necessarily the same.
Confidence is your belief in yourself, your capabilities and your way of relating to the external world. Self-esteem is your internal world; how you feel about yourself, your inner strengths and how much you value yourself.
- Counsellor S. Hill explains how to raise your confidence and self-esteem.
Signs you have low self-confidence
Your level of self-confidence can be seen by others in many ways: in your body language, your behaviour, how you speak and how you react to different situations.
If you have low self-confidence, you may feel:
- feel unsuccessful
- lack motivation or direction
- feel shy or uneasy in certain situations
- feel that you're not good enough
- compare yourself negatively with others
- feel unhappy or dissatisfied in your relationships.
Self-confident people are generally more positive and believe in their abilities, whereas those with low self-confidence often have negative thoughts about themselves and their abilities. Confident people build on what they can do and confront honestly what they’re lacking, accepting constructive criticism and support.
Your confidence won't necessarily be the same across all areas of your life. It’s important to assess this to understand that confidence can grow as you develop new skills and experiences. Maybe you’re confident with one or two close friends but not with big groups, or you’re confident with animals or children, but not with adults.
Causes of low self-confidence
In order to tackle low self-confidence or low self-belief, it's important to look at where those beliefs originate from. There are many different factors that can interfere with our self-concept and how we feel about ourselves.
Our childhood experiences can influence how our confidence develops. Growing up in a supportive environment can help build confidence, while experiences such as bullying, criticism, or not receiving the support we need may affect how we feel about ourselves.
Setbacks at work or redundancy can affect your self-confidence, as they shake your trust in your ability to perform a task.
How to improve self-confidence
Even if you've struggled with confidence for a long time, it's possible to build it gradually through new experiences, support, and practice.
For many people, a crisis, divorce, illness or bereavement can be an opportunity to rebuild confidence. It’s always possible to improve your skills in this area at any time you choose.
Self-help
Everyone has their own strengths, abilities and skills to enhance their self-confidence and become who they want to eventually be. Doing something outside of your comfort zone – such as joining an evening class, support or interest group or undertaking training – can often be the first step to building confidence.
Self-confidence is also a skill that can be developed through realistic goal setting and planning. Be realistic about your goals and what you want to achieve: it can help to set both short-term goals and long-term goals so that you can map out small steps to achieve big things.
One common suggestion is to write a list of your strengths and what you are good at.
If you struggle with low self-confidence, recognising your strengths can be difficult, especially if you're used to thinking negatively about yourself. It may help to write down these thoughts and look for evidence that challenges them. You could also make a note of positive things others say about you, even if you find them hard to believe at first.
How can therapy help?
A counsellor can offer you a safe, inclusive and non-judgemental environment in which you can explore your feelings and experiences and how they have impacted you. They can help you to consider what is realistic and achievable for you, and to explore how you'll navigate disappointments and setbacks.
Counselling can help you understand where any negative thoughts about yourself came from, making you better able to challenge them. Techniques and strategies can then be developed to help you build your self-confidence and change current negative thought patterns.
If low self-confidence is holding you back or affecting your everyday life, you don't have to work through it alone. Counselling can help you explore what's affecting your confidence and find ways to build greater trust in yourself. Use the links below to find a counsellor who can help with low self-confidence.
