Paul Lipman Verified Professional Verified Professional
Verified Professional

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MBACP. Accred reg. - Individuals & Couples and Trauma spec.

About me

A warm welcome, I am Paul and a BACP registered therapist with over 15 years experience in helping couples and those with even the most severe or longstanding difficulties. And inspired by having solved my anxieties in counselling, I am passionate about the importance of therapy what relieves distress, and delivers lasting tangible benefits:, emotionally, practically, behaviourally and mentally to the lives of those I help- And although my work is rooted in therapies and psychology there’s no formality and we have a normal relationship.

A full list of what I can help with is below and couples counselling much further down the page) 

I understand taking the next step can feel huge. When I needed help I was scared I might break down, about being honest, and didn’t understand about counselling or even know where to start. So I know you might be feeling some of that - That’s why you are very welcome to come along, without any obligation or charge and find out all about counselling and if it is right for you. 

If though you experience frequent or intolerable confused feelings, overwhelm, anxiety, deep sadness, fear, anger, worry, or maybe. a lack of self belief and which sends a not-good- enough message, and can lead to a harsh inner critic, shame, self-hatred, feeling lonely or irritation.  Or maybe you are surviving with problematic ways of coping or affected by past events, you don’t have to keep suffering or going it alone. 

Our ways can also keep us locked into horrible symptoms following something traumatic and with PTS or PTSD including traumas from childhood, and I have additional specialist training for these and also for working with couples. 

Working together

Both a gentle and a powerful working together. Gentle because some things need enormous sensitivity, care and patience, in an unhurried space and which is what you get with lots of support and guidance, and powerful because through my training I am good at understanding peoples difficulties, and knowing to help effectively, even when you don't know where to start.

I can draw from all mainstream therapies, psychology and the neurosciences and will create an approach which is effective, understandable and which you can engage with.

How you benefit

… In our sessions we look to build on your strengths, develop inner resources for resilience, and develop new ways and strategies which together will enable you to solve your current issues and give you the ability to manage life's future challenges for yourself. 

We make the changes happen in the room. it's also very natural people want to feel better as quickly as possible, and so happy to include new tools and techniques you can apply to yourself and which will reduce symptoms, help you cope better and keep making progress between sessions until your new ways become a natural part of who you are.

My approach

Whilst there is no one approach that fits all, what I have learnt over the years is that people respond to, or have core needs, and therefore during our work I include a focus on these, as any gaps stop lasting change:

  • Your needs - based on your values and the ability to meet them
  • Effective communication - compassion and understanding
  • Relationship - with yourself, people, experiences, memories etc
  • Control - feelings, emotions and behaviours
  • Confidence - Self image, value, assertiveness, expression.

.My aim

I also care deeply that for you and all my clients counselling is as successful, as mine was for me. I chose to give up another life to counsel, so enormous was my experience of change ,and knowing what is possible want to share this with you as life should be far more than just getting by, no mater what has gone before.

- Free initial meeting

Please feel free to call, text or mail me should you like to know more. No obligation , or pressure just all your questions answered. I am always willing to make time. Also, if you wish you can come along without charge to find out if counselling is right for you. 

Should you be interested my site is :

Issues I regularly help my clients resolve ( a full list is further down the page)

  • Shame around:-Poor self image, Feelings, expression, looks, not feeling good enough, the past. 
  • Emotional literacy: Being able to manage and understand your feelings.
  • Inner management systems for: Stress, Anger, Impulsive reactions, Powerful emotions. (inc Grief and Loss)
  • All Anxiety conditions: Anxiety, Irritation, Social anxiety, Constant worry, OCD, Panic and Phobias, Compulsive behaviours. 
  • Expression/ Spontenity: Building the ability to be true to yourself and express yourself freely and without fear, embarrassment or self-judgement. 
  • Problem solving: Finding what gets in the way of you achieving your goals and having the kind of relationships you want and developing abilities to get past these.
  • Trauma / PTSD: Helping you develop effective ways to manage trauma responses. Called: "fight", "flight", "freeze" or "flop". To manage/ and or eradicate symptom.
  • The past: Enabling you to come to terms with what has happened in the past.
  • Assertiveness and trust: Building inner certainty, assertiveness and confidence in you, your choices ,values and gives direction to a fulfilling life in which you can get your unique needs met.   
  • Problematic coping: Self -harming, (suicidal thinking)  and developing healthy ways to cope.
  • Food: To have a good relationship with food and to stop using it as comfort or avoidance. 
  • Communication: Developing, confident social, communication and relationship skills.
  • Being invisible: To others, ignoring your needs, pleasing others and when you won't say "no"


I also have specialist training for those who have suffered:

  • Assault
  • Abuse ( emotional, physical or sexual) 
  • Rape
  • PTSD or PTS
  • Childhood trauma 

Training, qualifications & experience

I am a Registered Member of The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, on the professional standards authority, accredited register.

My training is in all mainstream evidenced based therapies, neuro-science and psychology. Those where people benefit from a free flowing conversation and like to be helped to understand themselves and develop new ways to solve problems and also for those who prefer to learn tools and techniques and more cognitive approaches.  and can include psycho-  education which can help create a picture of what is happening inside people. And for the past 10 plus years I have worked in private practice with clients coming from directories such as this, existing client recommendation, psychiatrists, Dr's and other therapists and I also offer training to less experienced counsellors. In the 6 years prior to that I worked in various primary care settings with the Counselling Plus Community and Mind, helping clients with severe difficulties of: Anxiety, Depression, OCD, Panic, Self Harm, BPD, and Low self esteem. Also running a specialist Anger management group and working with couples. During this time I developed an interest in trauma based difficulties and went on to specialist training for PTS and PTSD and Complex PTSD,  and have since helped many following assault, rape or emotional trauma. I also have specialist training to help those suffering a Bereavement. My journey all started with training at the Wealden BACP approved specialist training college for counselling, psychotherapy and forensic psychology, and the WPF foundation, with Cruse Bereavement care and The Couples Institute and Trauma training with Babette Rothschild. And above all, whilst I have a comprehensive understanding about individual issues, my specific training and experience has given me the skills to be good at working at depth and empowering deeper understanding and real change. 

BACP Accredited:

  • Academic Diploma in Integrative Counselling.
  • WPF Certificate in Psycho-dynamic counselling
  • Child development and behaviors
  • Relational Development and Personal Communication
  • Personality development
  • Psycho social development
  • Trauma and recovery ( PTS, Complex PTSD and PTSD)
  • Person Centred, Transctional Analysis, Gestalt, Relational, Solution focused. Negative Pattern Systemic and Psycho analytical therapies. 
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
  • Bereavement, grief and loss Counselling.
  • Internal Family Systems

BACP Accredited - Couples , Relationships & Communication
See my website for full details..    

Anger Programs/ Courses
I have run Police funded Anger management courses for a Southern based counselling organisation.

BACP Accredited - Creativity
Working with: Arts, imagery, visualization, role play, body language and mindfulness techniques.

Other (experiential training)

  • Group Therapy / Psycho educational workshops
  • Gestalt systemic and family constellation therapy.
  • Gestalt experiential therapy
  • Gestalt Group facilitation and coaching

Member organisations


British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP)

BACP is one of the UK’s leading professional bodies for counselling and psychotherapy with around 60,000 members. The Association has several different categories of membership, including Student Member, Individual Member, Registered Member MBACP, Registered Accredited Member MBACP (Accred) and Senior Registered Accredited Member MBACP (Snr Acccred).

Registered and accredited members are listed on the BACP Register, which shows that they have demonstrated BACP’s recommended standards for training, proficiency and ethical practice. The BACP Register was the first register of psychological therapists to be accredited by the Professional Standards Authority (PSA).

Accredited and senior accredited membership are voluntary categories for members who choose to undertake a rigorous application and assessment process to demonstrate additional standards around practice, training and supervision.

Individual members will have completed an appropriate counselling or psychotherapy course and started to practise, but they won’t appear on the BACP Register until they've demonstrated that they meet the standards for registration. Student members are still in the process of completing their training.

All members are bound by the BACP Ethical Framework and a Professional Conduct Procedure.

Accredited register membership

British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy

Accredited Register Scheme

The Accredited Register Scheme was set up in 2013 by the Department of Health (DoH) as a way to recognise organisations that hold voluntary registers which meet certain standards. These standards are set by the Professional Standards Authority (PSA).

This therapist has indicated that they belong to an Accredited Register.

British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy

Other areas of counselling I deal with

Marriage and Relationship (There are also posts on my website that you could find helpful guidance)

This is an area of counselling I am passionate about. Not just because it is well suited to my knowledge and experience, but because I see how many relationships end or struggle needlessly.

Many I help often arrive feeling frustrated, hurt, disappointed, angry, misunderstood and lonely, and yet go on to enjoy a relationship stronger than if they had never had their problems in the first place.

Whilst there is no road map to what is right for all, as each couple want something different, what I do know is that when we replace judgement with understanding of each other and ourselves, and combine this with a respectful and open conversation it is possible to find answers you didn't think possible, and make the lasting changes you want for yourselves.

I have an approach which is both comprehensive and sensitive knowing how tough it can be to talk about what is very private and no interest whatsoever in who has doe what or taking sides or finger pointing. My only interest is your relationship.

I will help you make the changes you want in the room:


I will teach you advanced communication skills. These will enable you to listen to each other in ways that ensure your concerns are heard and understood, and to be able to respond to each other in ways that bring you closer and can keep even the most difficult of conversations flowing to a solution.

Relationship development

All relationships go through different stages of development. It doesn't matter if you have been together for 6 months or 20+ years. Sometimes life and family come along and delay any changes. During these times partners can often feel their partner is changing or doesn't care, when this isn't the case. I will help you understand the different stages and how to support each other through them.

Triggers & Individual patterns

When you communicate and in your daily lives there will be some things you say and do which create negative reactions in each other.  I will help you identify these and to see when these come from your individual past history - and to find new approaches which avoid these.

These will often appear as anxiety, control, angry reactions, shouting, walking away, feeling misunderstood, slamming doors or withdrawing from each other.

Wounds and repairing damage

It may be that words have been said or you have done something to hurt your partner and break trust.  It is important these are addressed up front because without healing it isn't possible to make progress.  I will help you to know how to support each other during these times so you can repair the damage.


Intimacy is often thought of as sexual contact and whilst this can be an important part of a relationship, intimacy it is far more. It is about being open about and sharing feelings, thoughts, concerns and joy and allowing your partner to see these in you.  I will help you develop ways which create intimacy and allow you feel comfortable.

The relationship

There are three in your relationship. You, your partner and your relationship. Think of it as a flower. If you do not feed it what it needs, whilst it might limp along it will eventually whither and die. I will help you work out how to have enough of what you individually need, and be able to feed your relationship without it becoming a competition.

Real change

None of all the above matters if you cant make real change happen. That's why my approach is to make change happen in the room, and keep it going with exercises and ways you can continue to go forward between sessions.

If you have the desire and willingness to put in the work I am confident you can bring your relationship to a place of trust, affection, fun, feeling supported and intimacy. Why am I confident? Because I see how this is possible no matter where couples start from.

If you would like to find out more, or if I can help you, please feel free to contact me for an initial informal conversation. We can do this by phone or video link.


From £1.00 to £95.00
Free initial in-person, telephone or online session

Additional information

The system isn't sophisticated enough to put £0 fee for the initial session. Ongoing fees are: 

  • No Charge initial meeting 
  •  Individual fees (60mins) £70.
  • Couples fees (70mins) £95

Caterham (CR3) - Situated in a peaceful location 250 meters from Caterham main line station and the High Street and 2 miles from junction 6 M25.

Banstead (SM7) - A modern confidential space situation within 200 meters of Banstead High Street and 8 miles (20 min car)  from Caterham.

When I work

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

I offer appointments on Monday to Friday from 8:30 am - 8:15pm and on Saturday from 8:30am -3:30pm.

Sessions can be face to face, by Skype, Zoom or FaceTime. 

Further information

I am committed to providing effective and safe help and in achieving that I:

  • Retain Professional indemnity insurance
  • Abide by the BACP Code of ethics
  • Commit to ongoing professional development, keeping up with the latest advances and knowledge.
  • Collaborate with other professionals if helpful, without breaking confidentiality
  • Have professional clinical supervision to ensure I offer effective therapy and which is a BACP requirement.
  • Never help outside my area of competence or experience.

If you would like to know more about the therapies that I draw from, please click here. This will take you to my website. 

Caterham, Surrey, CR3

Park Road, Banstead, Surrey, SM7

Type of session

In person

Types of client

Older adults

Key details

DBS check

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Unfortunately due to steps I cannot offer wheelchair access.

Online platforms