Paul Lipman

 A Warm Welcome 

 We all need answers especially when we are hurting, afraid or confused. I did and formed my practice over a decade ago, having had 6 years with organisations such as Mind as I wanted to offer the same care and effective therapy which ended my long-term anxiety, fear and lack of confidence from early life trauma. 

...In-depth, with know-how, cultivating lasting core change, making a tangible difference: emotionally, behaviourally, psychologically and practically in my clients' lives - not simply offering tools and techniques, while also developing a full sense of your value and resilience, enabling you to live confidently in and out of relationships.

....I give lots of support, including between sessions at no extra cost when needed, as I know that with some difficulties change can be difficult, and a little extra help can make all the difference. We will build a normal two-way relationship, and I will provide all the guidance you need so you can get the most from every session.

Also knowing that getting to the place you want isn't always easy, with my patient nature and with sensitive and gentle encouragement and challenge of old ways, infused with warmth and humour, we will go at a pace that is right for you, ensuring sessions move you towards change, and are more than surface conversation.

I’ve also sat as an adult not knowing where to start or what to say, and feeling completely awkward and afraid of being vulnerable. So my knowing goes well beyond books and training. This has given me insights which mean I'm good at knowing how to help you, even if you don't know where to start.

With my approach I have been helping both individuals and couples overcome even the most severe and long term difficulties. And I want your therapy to be as successful as mine was for me because we all deserve life which is more than just getting by!

COUPLES & RELATIONSHIPS

There is a separate section with full details much further down the page or even more on my website!

ABOUT YOUR DIFFICULTIES (A full list is further down)

People I help come with every kind of difficulty and I am regularly helping with the following: challenges:

• Feeling, scared, constantly anxious, panic, flat, overwhelmed or nothing at all.  (Anxiety is one of my specialities, including OCD) 
• Feeling Shame for having and expressing normal emotions.
• Are stuck with beliefs about themselves which hold them back and limit their life. (including constant self -criticism)
• Have exhausting, angry, harmful or unhealthy ways of coping.
• React in ways which hurt themselves and those they love.
• Are stuck in past events or with Trauma symptoms. (I have specialist training for PTSD, CPTSD, rape, abuse, and from childhood)
• Cannot get on with their life because of neglect or abuse, now or from childhood.
• Those who cannot understand or manage their emotions and behaviours.
• Those with BPD, EUPD, and ADHD symptoms.

From my years in practice and my own experience I know that to truly see change in how we think, feel, behave and what we believe we must address  the roots of the problem. Many I help have tried changing behaviour or thinking and other therapies and this has worked for a while yet they end up back in the same place.  - forever fighting the same reoccurring symptoms.

WHY THIS APPROACH WORKS  

My work is deeply rooted in therapeutic knowledge, psychology, trauma, and neuroscience, so it is tailored to your specific needs—I’m never guessing. And ...

• I deeply understand how we are shaped by our early life experiences and can see how these affect our adult ways in how we relate to ourselves and our world.
•    Instead of coming with ready-made answers, I will help raise your awareness to new ways, choices, and possibilities that work for you.
•   Instead of focusing on individual facts or symptoms, I look to show how everything—emotionally, intellectually, behaviourally, and in your life—interconnects to cause you your difficulties.
•  We make the changes in the room, and they can then become a natural part of who you are by developing them between sessions.
• You will have guidance from how to keep making progress between sessions.

A detailed explanation of how difficulties form and why this approach works with all kinds, is further down in " Further information" section. 

WHAT YOU CAN ALSO EXPECT AFTER THERAPY  

• To feel grounded and more present in life
• To understand and control powerful emotions
• More easily set and complete goals
• Better able to relate to others
• Resilient to life's pressures
• Less tied to old patterns of behaviour. 
• Free to express yourself and your needs
• Release from historic shame or guilt, fear.

ADDITIONAL SPECIALIST HELP
I also have specialist training for those with PTSD, who have suffered emotional or physical abuse including childhood, rape, and those with specific issues such as UEPD/BPD.

SPECIAL INTEREST

For difficulties that relate back to childhood. These very often leave a legacy in our adult lives of: not feeling good enough, anxiety, low self esteem,, being easily traumatised or unable to manage emotions and over reactions. Also along with a lack of compassion and empathy for ourselves and others. 

TAKING THE FIRST STEP
I’ll also never forget how taking the first step can be daunting. For me, it felt huge and I was scared about breaking down, being honest and I had no idea about counselling or where to start. And many of my clients tell me they also feel some of that, and you may too. However, you don't have to keep suffering or going it alone.

ABOUT THE INITIAL MEETING
The initial meeting is an informal opportunity for me to understand what it is you want and to explain all about what it will be like working together and what's involved. And if I believe another kind of help is more suited to your needs, I will say and explain why, as I don't want either of us to be disappointed. In your time, you can decide if you think counselling is right for you.

Should you be interested my site is : https://wholepsychology.org.uk/. 

Marriage and Relationship (There are also posts on my website that you could find helpful guidance)

This is an area of counselling I am passionate about. Not just because it is well suited to my knowledge and experience, but because I see how many relationships end or struggle needlessly.

Many I help often arrive feeling frustrated, hurt, disappointed, angry, misunderstood and lonely, and yet go on to enjoy a relationship stronger than if they had never had their problems in the first place.

Whilst there is no road map to what is right for all, as each couple want something different, what I do know is that when we replace judgement with understanding of each other and ourselves, and combine this with a respectful and open conversation it is possible to find answers you didn't think possible, and make the lasting changes you want for yourselves.

I have an approach which is both comprehensive and sensitive knowing how tough it can be to talk about what is very private and no interest whatsoever in who has done what or taking sides or finger pointing. My only interest is your relationship.

I will help you make the changes you want in the room:

Communication

I will teach you advanced communication skills. These will enable you to listen to each other in ways that ensure your concerns are heard and understood, and to be able to respond to each other in ways that bring you closer and can keep even the most difficult of conversations flowing to a solution.

Relationship development

All relationships go through different stages of development. It doesn't matter if you have been together for 6 months or 20+ years. Sometimes life and family come along and delay any changes. During these times partners can often feel their partner is changing or doesn't care, when this isn't the case. I will help you understand the different stages and how to support each other through them.

Triggers & Individual patterns

When you communicate and in your daily lives there will be some things you say and do which create negative reactions in each other.  I will help you identify these and to see when these come from your individual past history - and to find new approaches which avoid these.

These will often appear as anxiety, control, angry reactions, shouting, walking away, feeling misunderstood, slamming doors or withdrawing from each other.

Passion, love and attraction.

Understand how you trigger positive feelings in yourself and each other,  and how they don’t disappear but how you turn them on and off. 

Wounds and repairing damage

It may be that words have been said or you have done something to hurt your partner and break trust.  It is important these are addressed up front because without healing it isn't possible to make progress.  I will help you to know how to support each other during these times so you can repair the damage.

Intimacy

Intimacy is often thought of as sexual contact and whilst this can be an important part of a relationship, intimacy it is far more. It is about being open about and sharing feelings, thoughts, concerns and joy and allowing your partner to see these in you.  I will help you develop ways which create intimacy and allow you feel more connected and part of something more than yourself. 

The relationship

There are three in your relationship. You, your partner and your relationship. Think of it as a flower. If you do not feed it what it needs, whilst it might limp along it will eventually whither and die. I will help you work out how to have enough of what you individually need, and be able to feed your relationship without it becoming a competition.

Real change

None of all the above matters if you cant make real change happen. That's why my approach is to make change happen in the room, and keep it going with exercises and ways you can continue to go forward between sessions.

If you have the desire and willingness to put in the work I am confident you can bring your relationship to a place of trust, affection, fun, feeling supported and intimacy. Why am I confident? Because I see how this is possible no matter where couples start from.

If you would like to find out more, or if I can help you, please feel free to contact me for an initial informal conversation. We can do this by phone or video link.

The system isn't sophisticated enough to put £0 fee for the initial session. Ongoing fees are: 

• No Charge initial meeting  (full 60 mins)
•  Individual fees (60mins) £80. 
  • Couples fees (70min) £120

Caterham (CR3) - Situated in a peaceful location 250 meters from Caterham main line station and the High Street and 2 miles from junction 6 M25.

WHY THIS APPROACH TO THERAPY WORKS:

INDIVIDUAL

 Why my approach works with all kinds of difficulties:
I deeply understand that we unconsciously form our ways in early life. How we think, what we believe and how we relate to ourselves, others, and our connection to our emotions are all shaped during this time. As adults, we only know ourselves as we are—we call it "our personality." We don’t have access to more information about ourselves, and we get stuck trying to change because we become caught in our own automated ways, negative patterns, false beliefs, and judgments about ourselves. Our thoughts, feelings, and actions interlink in ways that keep us stuck.

In therapy, we make you aware of what is happening within you, how your ways were formed, and introduce you to parts of yourself that you are not connected to. By understanding and accepting these parts as the norm, you become free to value yourself, form new ways that meet your needs, and solve your difficulties—patterns simply melt away, leading to lasting change. Otherwise, you will always be working with cycles of managing symptoms.

RELATIONSHIPS

The majority of models are based on providing a safe space to explore your difficulties and use therapeutic interventions which alone can take a very long time to have any effect.  My model addresses advanced communication techniques, gives you knowledge, which alone can change so many aspects of your relationship for the better and at its core helps you learn how to be successful in your relationship putting you both in the driving seat and allows any healing and repair that is needed. You also have a clear step by step plan which enables you to take into your life all you gain so you can make progress between sessions.