Paul Lipman

A warm welcome.

I formed my practice over a decade ago, after spending 6 years with organisations such as Mind, as I wanted to offer the same kind of effective therapy that ended my long-term anxiety, emotional disconnect, and lack of confidence caused by early life trauma.

In-depth, enabling you to understand the roots of issues and cultivating lasting core change that makes a tangible difference—emotionally, behaviourally, psychologically and practically in your life—not simply offering tools and techniques. And helping you develop a full sense of your value, enabling you to live confidently in and out of relationships.

I provide ideas so you can keep making progress between sessions and any support needed as I understand that change can be difficult, and a little extra help can make all the difference. And a normal two-way relationship, along with all the guidance needed, ensuring you understand what we are doing and why, and can get the most from our time together.

I also know that reaching the place you want isn't always easy, and with my patient nature, sensitive and gentle encouragement, and challenge of old ways, we will go at a pace that is right for you. I will ensure that sessions move you towards the changes you want and are more than just surface level talking about your difficulties.

I’ve also sat as an adult, not knowing where to start or what to say, feeling completely awkward, afraid and  vulnerable. So, my understanding goes well beyond books and training.

All my work is a heartfelt passing on of the kind of therapy and care that changed my life.

RELATIONSHIPS ( this is one of my specialties)

 Specific details are further down this page, and even more on my website.

INDIVIDUALS 
Whist I have significant experience working with complex or combination of issues, the following are those in which I have a personal interest and work with every day in my practice. Both with those who have struggled for years and those with no idea why they suddenly appeared.

• Anxiety: (inc. Panic, OCD).
• Depression: Feeling nothing, flat, deep sadness, or thinking life is pointless
• Low self-esteem - Identity struggles- Self criticism. 
• Self-harm & Emotional eating.
• Trauma and Recovery: (I have specialist training for PTSD, CPTSD, rape, and assault)
• Emotional Dysregulation: Difficulty managing emotions and behaviours.
• BPD, EUPD, and ADHD symptoms - including assessment for trauma masking as ADHD. 
• Negative Patterns: inc. Shame, Guilt, Procrastination, Pleasing others, Overthinking, Being Perfect, Catastrophising Withdrawal, Imposter syndrome. 
• Personal development: When you want to develop an aspect of your confidence, relational skills, personality traits or how you interact with yourself and others. 
   

WHY THIS WORKS 

As therapists we often talk about the unconscious and patterns. What we mean is what you are not aware of yet. We know that we form our ways in early life and we simply see them as our personality. Yet this isn't the case. 

• By focusing on and highlighting how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours and experiences, link together, I will raise your awareness so you can you learn for yourself what is needed to solve your difficulties.
• I deeply understand how our earlier experiences can unconsciously continue to play a silent role in our current difficulties. They lead us to form patterns — fixed habits and ways of being that happen without conscious thought — and some of these keep us stuck and prevent us from finding our own answers.
• There can be no real change without having a new experience. Talking alone only takes us so far. That’s why I include experiential learning, where the power of new, living experiences and real change happens in the room and is developed between sessions until your new ways become a natural part of who you are.
• I’ll give you ways to apply and work on what you’ve learned, so you can reduce your symptoms and keep progressing between sessions — until your changes feel like a natural part of you.
• I don't come with ready made answers or general facts about difficulties. Instead I will guide you to understand yours specifically. 

What You Can Expect After Therapy

In-depth therapy also helps you naturally grow as a whole person. And whatever your main goal is, you are also going to see changes n the following ways:

• Feeling grounded, even under stress and pressure.
• Achieving your goals more easily.
• A clearer understanding of your emotions and how to manage them.
  Increased core self-confidence and trust in yourself.
• Greater compassion for yourself and others.
• Assertiveness and the ability to establish healthy boundaries.
  Improved relationships.
• More over your behaviours and responses to the world around you.

 
TRAUMA SPECIALISATION 

I have additional specialised trauma and neurological science training to help with all kinds of trauma: CPTSD, PTS, - including assault, rape, physical or emotional abuse, and childhood neglect,  

NERVOUS AND SENSITIVE CLIENTS
Many I help have never had therapy before or a poor previous experience. As I was once they are stuck, don't know what to say, afraid of what I  think, and scared of talking about their troubles. I think though you'll be pleasantly reassured. I offer a warm, informal and truly human experience, not some distant therapist and all the patience and guidance you need.  

TAKING THE FIRST STEP - Free 60 minute meeting. 

-  You can call me with any questions or to arrange an initialmeeting.This is an informal opportunity to to find out all about working together, what's involved and decide in your own time without any obligation if my help is right for you.

If I  believe another kind of help is more suited to your needs I will say and explain why, as I don't want either of us to be disappointed.  

Should you be interested my site is : https://wholepsychology.org.uk/. 

Marriage and Relationship (There are also posts on my website that you could find helpful guidance)

This is an area of counselling I am passionate about. Not just because it is well suited to my knowledge and experience, but because I see how many relationships end or struggle needlessly.

Many I help often arrive feeling frustrated, hurt, disappointed, angry, misunderstood and lonely, and yet go on to enjoy a relationship stronger than if they had never had their problems in the first place.

Whilst there is no road map to what is right for all, as each couple want something different, what I do know is that when we replace judgement with understanding of each other and ourselves, and combine this with a respectful and open conversation it is possible to find answers you didn't think possible, and make the lasting changes you want for yourselves.

I have an approach which is both comprehensive and sensitive knowing how tough it can be to talk about what is very private and no interest whatsoever in who has done what or taking sides or finger pointing. My only interest is your relationship.

I will help you make the changes you want in the room:

Communication

I will teach you advanced communication skills. These will enable you to listen to each other in ways that ensure your concerns are heard and understood, and to be able to respond to each other in ways that bring you closer and can keep even the most difficult of conversations flowing to a solution.

Relationship development

All relationships go through different stages of development. It doesn't matter if you have been together for 6 months or 20+ years. Sometimes life and family come along and delay any changes. During these times partners can often feel their partner is changing or doesn't care, when this isn't the case. I will help you understand the different stages and how to support each other through them.

Triggers & Individual patterns

When you communicate and in your daily lives there will be some things you say and do which create negative reactions in each other.  I will help you identify these and to see when these come from your individual past history - and to find new approaches which avoid these.

These will often appear as anxiety, control, angry reactions, shouting, walking away, feeling misunderstood, slamming doors or withdrawing from each other.

Passion, love and attraction.

Understand how you trigger positive feelings in yourself and each other,  and how they don’t disappear but how you turn them on and off. 

Wounds and repairing damage

It may be that words have been said or you have done something to hurt your partner and break trust.  It is important these are addressed up front because without healing it isn't possible to make progress.  I will help you to know how to support each other during these times so you can repair the damage.

Intimacy

Intimacy is often thought of as sexual contact and whilst this can be an important part of a relationship, intimacy it is far more. It is about being open about and sharing feelings, thoughts, concerns and joy and allowing your partner to see these in you.  I will help you develop ways which create intimacy and allow you feel more connected and part of something more than yourself. 

The relationship

There are three in your relationship. You, your partner and your relationship. Think of it as a flower. If you do not feed it what it needs, whilst it might limp along it will eventually whither and die. I will help you work out how to have enough of what you individually need, and be able to feed your relationship without it becoming a competition.

Real change

None of all the above matters if you cant make real change happen. That's why my approach is to make change happen in the room, and keep it going with exercises and ways you can continue to go forward between sessions.

If you have the desire and willingness to put in the work I am confident you can bring your relationship to a place of trust, affection, fun, feeling supported and intimacy. Why am I confident? Because I see how this is possible no matter where couples start from.

If you would like to find out more, or if I can help you, please feel free to contact me for an initial informal conversation. We can do this by phone or video link.

The system isn't sophisticated enough to put £0 fee for the initial session. Ongoing fees are: 

• No Charge initial meeting  (full 60 mins)
•  Individual fees (60mins) £80. 
  • Couples fees (70min) £120

Caterham (CR3) - Situated in a peaceful location 250 meters from Caterham main line station and the High Street and 2 miles from junction 6 M25.

Extra support between sessions is available for those who need it at no extra cost.

WHY THIS APPROACH TO THERAPY WORKS:

INDIVIDUAL

 Why my approach works with all kinds of difficulties:
I deeply understand that we unconsciously form our ways in early life. How we think, what we believe and how we relate to ourselves, others, and our connection to our emotions are all shaped during this time. As adults, we only know ourselves as we are—we call it "our personality." We don’t have access to more information about ourselves, and we get stuck trying to change because we become caught in our own automated ways, negative patterns, false beliefs, and judgments about ourselves. Our thoughts, feelings, and actions interlink in ways that keep us stuck.

In therapy, we make you aware of what is happening within you, how your ways were formed, and introduce you to parts of yourself that you are not connected to. By understanding and accepting these parts as the norm, you become free to value yourself, form new ways that meet your needs, and solve your difficulties—patterns simply melt away, leading to lasting change. Otherwise, you will always be working with cycles of managing symptoms.

RELATIONSHIPS

The majority of models are based on providing a safe space to explore your difficulties and use therapeutic interventions which alone can take a very long time to have any effect.  My model addresses advanced communication techniques, gives you knowledge, which alone can change so many aspects of your relationship for the better and at its core helps you learn how to be successful in your relationship putting you both in the driving seat and allows any healing and repair that is needed. You also have a clear step by step plan which enables you to take into your life all you gain so you can make progress between sessions.