Paul Lipman

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MBACP. Accred reg. - Individuals & Couples and Trauma spec.
Limited availability
Limited availability

This professional is accepting new clients but may have a waitlist. Please enquire with them directly to discuss availability.

Caterham CR3 & Banstead SM7
Limited availability
Limited availability

This professional is accepting new clients but may have a waitlist. Please enquire with them directly to discuss availability.

About me

A warm welcome,

I formed my practice over a decade ago, having had 6 years with organisations such as Mind as I wanted to offer the same kind of effective therapy which ended my long-term anxiety, fear and lack of confidence from an early traumatic life.

..."In-depth, with know-how, cultivating lasting core change making a tangible difference: emotionally, behaviourally, practically, psychologically  and intellectually and not simply offering tools and techniques...

....Also effective support, including between sessions at no extra cost when needed, as I know that with some difficulties change can be difficult, and a little extra help between sessions can make such a difference, having a normal two-way relationship and with all the guidance you need so you can get the most from therapy.

…. I also know getting to the place you want isn't always easy and with my patient nature and with sensitive and gentle encouragement and challenge of old ways, we will go at a pace that is right for you, also ensuring sessions move you towards the changes you want, and are more than just talk about your difficulties. 

With my approach I have been helping both individuals and couples overcome even the most severe and long term difficulties.

I also know what it's like to be sat as an adult not knowing where to start or what to say, and feeling completely awkward and afraid of being vulnerable. So my knowing goes well beyond books and training.


ABOUT YOUR DIFFICULTIES (a full list of what I help with is further down)  

People I help come desperately wanting to feel comfortable and settled, enjoy mental wellbeing, live confidently and authentically.  Yet I’m regularly helping with the following challenges: 

  • Feeling,  scared, constantly anxious, panic, flat, overwhelmed or nothing at all.
  • Shame for having and expressing normal emotions.
  • Are stuck with beliefs about themselves which hold them back and limit their life.  (including constant self criticism) 
  • Have exhausting, angry, harmful or unhealthy ways of coping. 
  • React in ways which hurt themselves and those they love.
  • Are stuck in past events or with Trauma symptoms.
  • Live with guilt, shame or an inner critic and which controls their lives
  • Cannot get on with their life because of neglect or abuse, now or from childhood. 
  • Those who cannot manage their emotions and behaviours. 
  • Those with BPD, EUPD, Bipolar, and ADHD symptoms. 

Most clients I help have already tried to shift the problem, by thinking or behaving differently. Maybe you've already worked really-hard on changing yourself or even tried other therapies. And this may have worked ... for a while. Yet you keep finding yourself in the same place.  


  • I  draw from all mainstream evidenced based approaches to therapy, psychology, and trauma and neuroscience - So I'm never just guessing!
  • I also know from my time in therapy and from the years of helping that to see real change in how we feel, think, cope and what we believe about ourselves we have to find the roots of our difficulties. If not we are only ever addressing symptoms. 
  • I deeply understand how unconsciously our earlier experiences can continue to silently play a part in our current difficulties. They lead us to form patterns ( which are fixed habits and ways without conscious thought) and some of which keep us stuck and from finding our own answers. 
  • There can be no change without you having a new experience. Talking without experience only goes so far. Thats why I include experiential learning where the power of new living experiences and change happens in the room and is developed between sessions. 
  • You learn to relate to yourself, others and your wider world in ways which alleviate your difficulties and change self limiting beliefs and ways. 

And vitally... 

I don't isolate symptoms or facts.  Instead I look to how everything connects together ( your thinking, feelings, behaviours, beliefs, experiences and your history) to create your difficulties enabling you to understand the core issues for yourself. 

In this way you raise your own self awareness to deeper levels of understanding, new ways and choices which create the shifts in you, solving your current difficulties and giving you the ability to meet your own future needs.


I also have specialist training for those with PTSD / CPTSD, who have suffered emotional or physical abuse including when from childhood, rape, and those with specific issues such as UEPD/ BPD.  


At the end of therapy you can also expect to feel:

  • Grounded and more present in life
  • Able to understand and control powerful emotions
  • You can set and complete goals
  • Better able to relate to others 
  • Resilient to lifes pressures
  • Less tied to old patterns of behaviour 
  • Free to express yourself and your needs
  • Release from historic shame or guilt
  • Feel confident in who you are and your value

I’ll also never forget how taking the first step can be daunting. For me it felt huge and I was scared about breaking down, being honest and I had no idea about counselling or where to start. And many of my clients tell me they also feel some of that, and you may too. However you don't have to keep suffering or going it alone.


-  Call me with any questions or to arrange a  Free initial meeting 

Understandably asking for help can be difficult. That's why I will make time for you if you call with any questions ,to find out more, before deciding what you wish to do. Or you are very welcome to arrange to come along and meet me without cost or obligation.


The initial meeting is an informal opportunity for me to understand what it is you want and to explain all about what it will like working together and what's involved. .. And if I believe another kind of help is more suited to your needs I will say and explain why , as I don't want either of us to be disappointed.  In your time you can decide if you think counselling is right for you.

Should you be interested my site is :

Training, qualifications & experience

I am a Registered Member of The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, on the professional standards authority, accredited register.

My training is in all mainstream evidenced based therapies, neuroscience and psychology.. For the past 12 plus years I have worked in private practice and prior to that have a total of 5 years working in various primary care settings with the Counselling Plus Community and Mind, which is where I learnt to helpclients with severe difficulties of: Anxiety, Depression, OCD, Panic, Self Harm, BPD, and Low self esteem. Also running a specialist Anger management group and working with couples. During this time I developed an interest in trauma based difficulties and went on to specialist training for PTS and PTSD and Complex PTSD,  and have since helped many following assault, rape or emotional trauma. I also have specialist training to help those suffering a Bereavement. 

BACP Accredited and significant Professional training

  • BACP approved Advanced Academic Diploma in Integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy - ( Wealden Institute of Counselling and Forensic Psychology, 2012)
  •  Psychodynamic counselling - (Cert, WPF - UKAS ) 2011)
  • Developmental Couples and Relationship counselling -  (The Couples Institute USA, dip. 2011)
  • Group therapy and experiential therapy - (Professor Paul Barber, Adv, tr, 2011
  • Trauma and Recover, inc PTSD and Complex, PTSD, rape, assault and emotional abuse and suppression - (UCL - Babette Rothschild,, dip.L) 
  • Loss and Grief - ( Cruise Bereavement Care, 2011
  • Child development and behaviors (dip, 2012)
  • Relational Development and Personal Communication (dip, 2012)
  • Personality development (dip, 2012)
  • Psycho social development (dip, 2012)
  • Person Centre (dip, 2012)
  • Transactional Analysis (dip, 2012)
  • Gestalt therapy (dip, 2012),
  • Solution focused (dip, 2012)
  •  Systemic and Psycho analytical therapies (dip l, 2012). 
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT dip l, LSE, 2012) 
  • Internal Family Systems

Anger Programs/ Courses
I have run Police funded Anger management courses for a Southern based counselling organisation.

BACP Accredited - Creativity
Working with: Arts, imagery, visualization, role play, body language and mindfulness techniques.

Other (experiential training)

  • Group Therapy / Psycho educational workshops
  • Gestalt systemic and family constellation therapy.
  • Gestalt experiential therapy
  • Gestalt Group facilitation and coaching

Member organisations

British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP)

BACP is one of the UK’s leading professional bodies for counselling and psychotherapy with around 60,000 members. The Association has several different categories of membership, including Student Member, Individual Member, Registered Member MBACP, Registered Accredited Member MBACP (Accred) and Senior Registered Accredited Member MBACP (Snr Acccred).

Registered and accredited members are listed on the BACP Register, which shows that they have demonstrated BACP’s recommended standards for training, proficiency and ethical practice. The BACP Register was the first register of psychological therapists to be accredited by the Professional Standards Authority (PSA).

Accredited and senior accredited membership are voluntary categories for members who choose to undertake a rigorous application and assessment process to demonstrate additional standards around practice, training and supervision.

Individual members will have completed an appropriate counselling or psychotherapy course and started to practise, but they won’t appear on the BACP Register until they've demonstrated that they meet the standards for registration. Student members are still in the process of completing their training.

All members are bound by the BACP Ethical Framework and a Professional Conduct Procedure.

Accredited register membership

British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy
Accredited Register Scheme

The Accredited Register Scheme was set up in 2013 by the Department of Health (DoH) as a way to recognise organisations that hold voluntary registers which meet certain standards. These standards are set by the Professional Standards Authority (PSA).

This therapist has indicated that they belong to an Accredited Register.

British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy

Other areas of counselling I deal with

Marriage and Relationship (There are also posts on my website that you could find helpful guidance)

This is an area of counselling I am passionate about. Not just because it is well suited to my knowledge and experience, but because I see how many relationships end or struggle needlessly.

Many I help often arrive feeling frustrated, hurt, disappointed, angry, misunderstood and lonely, and yet go on to enjoy a relationship stronger than if they had never had their problems in the first place.

Whilst there is no road map to what is right for all, as each couple want something different, what I do know is that when we replace judgement with understanding of each other and ourselves, and combine this with a respectful and open conversation it is possible to find answers you didn't think possible, and make the lasting changes you want for yourselves.

I have an approach which is both comprehensive and sensitive knowing how tough it can be to talk about what is very private and no interest whatsoever in who has doe what or taking sides or finger pointing. My only interest is your relationship.

I will help you make the changes you want in the room:


I will teach you advanced communication skills. These will enable you to listen to each other in ways that ensure your concerns are heard and understood, and to be able to respond to each other in ways that bring you closer and can keep even the most difficult of conversations flowing to a solution.

Relationship development

All relationships go through different stages of development. It doesn't matter if you have been together for 6 months or 20+ years. Sometimes life and family come along and delay any changes. During these times partners can often feel their partner is changing or doesn't care, when this isn't the case. I will help you understand the different stages and how to support each other through them.

Triggers & Individual patterns

When you communicate and in your daily lives there will be some things you say and do which create negative reactions in each other.  I will help you identify these and to see when these come from your individual past history - and to find new approaches which avoid these.

These will often appear as anxiety, control, angry reactions, shouting, walking away, feeling misunderstood, slamming doors or withdrawing from each other.

Passion, love and attraction.

Understand how you trigger positive feelings in yourself and each other,  and how they don’t disappear but how you turn them on and off. 

Wounds and repairing damage

It may be that words have been said or you have done something to hurt your partner and break trust.  It is important these are addressed up front because without healing it isn't possible to make progress.  I will help you to know how to support each other during these times so you can repair the damage.


Intimacy is often thought of as sexual contact and whilst this can be an important part of a relationship, intimacy it is far more. It is about being open about and sharing feelings, thoughts, concerns and joy and allowing your partner to see these in you.  I will help you develop ways which create intimacy and allow you feel more connected and part of something more than yourself. 

The relationship

There are three in your relationship. You, your partner and your relationship. Think of it as a flower. If you do not feed it what it needs, whilst it might limp along it will eventually whither and die. I will help you work out how to have enough of what you individually need, and be able to feed your relationship without it becoming a competition.

Real change

None of all the above matters if you cant make real change happen. That's why my approach is to make change happen in the room, and keep it going with exercises and ways you can continue to go forward between sessions.

If you have the desire and willingness to put in the work I am confident you can bring your relationship to a place of trust, affection, fun, feeling supported and intimacy. Why am I confident? Because I see how this is possible no matter where couples start from.

If you would like to find out more, or if I can help you, please feel free to contact me for an initial informal conversation. We can do this by phone or video link.


£1.00 - £115.00
Free initial in-person, telephone or online session

Additional information

The system isn't sophisticated enough to put £0 fee for the initial session. Ongoing fees are: 

  • No Charge initial meeting 
  •  Individual fees (60mins) £75. 
  • Couples fees (70mins) £115

Caterham (CR3) - Situated in a peaceful location 250 meters from Caterham main line station and the High Street and 2 miles from junction 6 M25.

When I work

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Extra support between sessions is available for those who need it at no extra cost.

Further information


I deeply understand we are shaped by our early relationships, culture and environment and how these lead to forming patterns needed back then and which we carry into adult life. Some of those patterns are no longer needed and are the root cause of getting stuck and now cause difficulties leading to every kind of symptom - Change the pattern and solve the symptom.  Whilst the idea is easy to understand it is much harder to solve something you cannot see, know how to do or because as part of the work we have to go against learnt ways and early life programming which is hard to do alone and uncomfortable at times because we run straight into a pattern and the cycle continues.


The majority of models are based on providing a safe space to explore your difficulties and use therapeutic interventions which alone can take a very long time to have any effect.  My model addresses advanced communication techniques, gives you knowledge, which alone can change so many aspects of your relationship for the better and at its core helps you learn how to be successful in your relationship putting you both in the driving seat and allows any healing and repair that is needed. You also have a clear step by step plan which enables you to take into your life all you gain so you can make progress between sessions.

Caterham, Surrey, CR3

Park Road, Banstead, Surrey, SM7

Type of session

In person

Types of client

Young adults (18-24)
Adults (25-64)
Older Adults (65+)

Key details

DBS check

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Unfortunately due to steps I cannot offer wheelchair access.

Online platforms