Borderline personality disorder
We recognise that borderline personality disorder (BPD), as with the other types of personality disorder, can be considered controversial diagnosis. It is completely your choice which term, if any, you want to use, knowing that your doctor or care team may use another.
We appreciate that the feelings and behaviours associated with personality disorders are very difficult to live with, and everyone deserves understanding and support. We recognise the diversity in understanding of experiences and preferences around terms individuals may wish to use. We are also aware that some professionals disagree with the system of personality disorder diagnosis, and that some people given the diagnosis find it unhelpful and stigmatising.
The terms used on Counselling Directory are those that are generally used in the UK, currently. We refer to these terms throughout, with the hope of reaching and supporting as many people are possible.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a type of personality disorder. You may be diagnosed with a personality disorder if you have difficulties with how you think and feel about yourself and other people, and as a result, are having problems living your life.
Despite affecting around one in 100 people, BPD is often misunderstood. Symptoms of BPD can be very similar to other mental health problems, and so, misdiagnosis is common and many people struggle to find the support they need. On this page we will explore BPD in more detail, including the signs to spot, living with BPD and what support is available.
On this page
Living with borderline personality disorder
Symptoms of BPD can range from mild to severe, affecting each individual differently. Your experience of living with BPD will be unique to you, however there are some common experiences you may recognise, including:
- difficult feelings and behaviour towards yourself or others
- alcohol and substance misuse
- other mental health problems, such as anxiety and panic attacks, depression and PTSD
- experiences of facing stigma
Whether you experience milder, or more severe symptoms, the impact it can have on your life and those around you can be significant. With BPD, you may find it hard to cope with the demands of everyday life, feeling a range of difficult emotions and unpredictable mood changes. Some people feel particularly sensitive to disapproval and rejection and as a result, need the comfort and affirmation of others to support their self-worth and self-image.
Other people may take a disliking to those around them. You might feel like nobody understands you, or that you don’t understand them, or that loved ones will leave you if angry or upset. As a result, you may get angry or frustrated with people, or push people away. These behaviours can make it difficult for others to understand the behaviour, which can then lead to unstable relationships and enhance feelings of loneliness.
Without the right support and the misunderstanding and stigma that surrounds BPD, life can be incredibly lonely. But there is help available. Progress is being made and slowly, people are learning more about BPD and the stigma is starting to diminish.
Because borderline personality disorder is a complex diagnosis that is typically misunderstood, you may find that some people have misconceptions about those with BPD, or have a negative image of it. This can make diagnosis and living with BPD very difficult. You may feel hurt or frustrated at the lack of understanding, especially if the person feeling this way is someone close to you, or someone you trust.
But it is important to remember that you are not alone, and there is support available. If you’re experiencing stigma or discrimination, know that you have options. Consider the following.
- Talk to people and provide them with information to help them better understand BPD and what your diagnosis really means.
- Get involved in your treatment. Remember, you do have a say in your treatment and if you’re not happy with the options provided, you have other options. Mind have information on seeking help for a mental health problem, which you may find helpful.
- Know your rights. You can find more information about your rights on our disabilities and discrimination pages.
- Take action. Raise awareness of mental health and challenge stigma.
I wanted to be there for people when no one was there for me
- Read Chris’ story.
Signs of BPD
Borderline personality disorder can produce a wide range of symptoms. Because people can have very different experiences, and many symptoms are similar to that of other mental health problems, understanding of BPD is often limited.
If you are worried that you or a loved one has borderline personality disorder, you should make an appointment with your GP. Here you can talk about your feelings and explain your symptoms, which will help your GP to make a diagnosis. They will want to know how your experiences are impacting your quality of life and will make sure there is no immediate risk to your health and well-being. The aim will be to rule out any other mental health conditions. Then they will organise the next step in your treatment.
If your GP suspects you have BPD, they will refer you for further support. This may include sending your details to your local community mental health team (CMHT).
You may be given a diagnosis of BPD if you experience at least five of the signs listed below, and if they have lasted for a long time, or are having a severe impact on your life.
- You feel very worried, or have extreme reactions to feeling abandoned.
- Your emotions can be very intense, lasting from hours, to a few days and can change very quickly.
- You don’t have a strong sense of self, and it can change significantly depending on who you are with.
- You feel empty often.
- You find it difficult to make and keep stable relationships.
- You can act impulsively, in way that could be damaging, such as substance abuse.
- You often self-harm or have suicidal feelings.
- You have very intense, hard to control feelings of anger.
- You may experience paranoid thoughts or dissociation when stressed.
Different views on diagnosis
Because a person only needs to be experiencing five of these difficulties to be given a diagnosis, it can be a very broad, also including many different experiences from different people. While some people find a diagnosis a helpful way to explain and for others to understand their difficulties, some people disagree, instead finding diagnosis unhelpful and stigmatising.
Some of the symptoms of BPD are similar to that of other mental health problems, such as bipolar disorder, depression and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Because of this, and depending on your life and how you are feeling at that time, the professional you are speaking to may find it hard to understand which diagnosis best fits your experiences. This can lead to misdiagnosis and a recommendation for treatment for something other than BPD.
What if I disagree with my diagnosis?
If you’re unhappy with your diagnosis, it’s important you speak to a mental health professional so you can make sure you are getting the right treatment. Remember, it’s OK to ask for a second opinion or to speak to someone different, your health and happiness is priority.
Talking therapies are thought to be the most helpful treatment for BPD, although more research is needed into the types of treatments that are most effective. Two talking treatments recommended by the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) are dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and mentalisation-based therapy (MBT).
Counselling can be a long process, but it can help people to get a better understanding of their thoughts, feelings and behaviour. A counsellor will provide support and guidance in a safe, non-judgmental space, where clients can discuss what they are experiencing.
Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT)
DBT is an approach that aims to address two key factors of BPD: emotional vulnerability and a person’s environment. The goal of DBT is to help clients believe that their emotions are acceptable, valid and real. DBT aims to help a people ‘break free’ from seeing their world as narrow, rigid or limiting and instead, find freedom and opportunity. DBT uses individual and group therapy, and is recommended by NICE as being a helpful treatment for women with BPD who have a history of self-harming or suicidal behaviour.
Mentalisation-based therapy (MBT)
Another type of long-term psychotherapy thought to be effective in managing BPD is MBT. Based on the concept that people with BPD have poor capacity to mentalise (think without thinking) MBT aims to help a person recognise and understand their own, and other people’s mental states. It aims to teach people how to ‘step back’ and examine their thoughts about themselves and others, questioning if they are valid or not.
Before, I didn't really understand why I was feeling the way I was; my moods were so up and down for no real reason. My counsellor has helped me to understand my mental health struggles and how what I have been through has had a major impact on my life
- Read Sarah’s story.
Use our search tool to find a counsellor near you.
How can I help myself?
If you experience BPD it can feel like every day is a struggle. But there are lots of things you can do to help yourself, both now and long-term.
Mental health charity, Mind have some great suggestions for coping with some of the intense feelings you may be experiencing. They recommend when you’re feeling overwhelmed, to try focusing on one feeling at a time and practising some steps to get through it. For example, if you are feeling angry or frustrated, try listening to loud music, ripping up paper or doing a practical activity, like gardening.
Visit Mind for tips and suggestions on how to cope with ‘right now’.
As well as these more timely suggestions, there are lots of things you can try that may help you manage certain experiences and live your life as full as possible, including:
- Talking to someone.
- Keeping a mood diary.
- Make a self-care box.
- Try peer support.
- Look after your physical health.
- Make a support plan (NICE recommend everyone with BPD have a crisis plan).
Finding a professional
Here at Counselling Directory, we understand the importance of knowing your counsellor is trained and experienced - which is why we have a thorough approvals policy.
When you’re ready to contact a counsellor, take your time during your search. We encourage our members to provide as much information as possible in their profiles, so you can learn more about the way they work and their experience. Once you’ve found a counsellor you resonate with, simply send them an email.
What should I be looking for in a counsellor or psychotherapist?
There are currently no laws in place stipulating what training and qualifications a counsellor must have in order to treat BPD. However, the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) have developed a set of guidelines that provide advice about the recommended treatments.
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What our experts say
- Managing borderline personality disorder
Craig Coventry MBACP(Accred), MA, BSC.20th January, 2018
- Borderline Personality Disorder: emotionally intense or emotionally empty? Part one
Imi Lo: Specialist Psychotherapist, Art Therapist (MMH,FRSA,UKCP,HCPC)2nd August, 2017
- Borderline Personality Disorder: emotionally intense or emotionally empty? Part two
Imi Lo: Specialist Psychotherapist, Art Therapist (MMH,FRSA,UKCP,HCPC)2nd August, 2017
- Emotionally abusive relationships: Survivors of narcissistic parents
Amanda Perl MSc Psychotherapist Counsellor MBPsS BACP (Accred) CBT Practitioner16th May, 2017
- Emotionally abusive relationships: Technological violence, stalking on Facebook and social media
Amanda Perl MSc Psychotherapist Counsellor MBPsS BACP (Accred) CBT Practitioner20th April, 2017
- Is dialectical behavioural therapy for me?
Dr Louise McCusker4th September, 2016
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