Kaire Davidson

We don’t seem to question cleaning and dressing a wound or resting a broken limb to give it the best conditions to heal quickly. With emotional pain a very similar approach is true: when certain conditions are met healing can begin. 

Our emotional wounds and traumas created by our past experiences can disconnect us from ourselves. By sharing our story in a safe environment we can gradually start to have more compassion and understanding for all parts of ourselves, which brings about a natural healing process. My hope for my clients is not to just suffer less but to thrive and to be able to live more aligned with themselves.

I work with a person-centred approach where the relationship between therapist and client is seen as significant in creating conditions for growth. It also explores personal responsibility and its connection to self-empowerment, and often works in the here and now.

I work both short and long term, usually in an open-ended way, (i.e. not with a set number of sessions) checking in regularly regarding how we are doing. Equally, we can agree to a number of sessions to start with, say 6 or 12, so that we have a clear review point, if that’s your preference.

Why psychotherapy?

We have so many ways these days to help ourselves and explore what works in terms of our wellbeing – wellness apps, podcasts, books, support groups, fitness and meditation classes and many kinds of different therapies. 

Psychotherapy works on several different levels, including the unconscious and the body. Why does that matter? Albert Einstein is quoted to have said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” One could argue that a deep shift calls for something different from the thinking (or knowing) that we have used over the years. Books and talks can give us ‘information’ on a conscious level but in many cases, it doesn’t seem to be enough to bring about meaningful change. We still find ourselves in the same old patterns, the nuggets of gold lost and forgotten. In my experience, this can leave us feeling even more defeated and down, believing that we are broken beyond repair. 

Insights in psychotherapy sessions in the presence of a caring, attentive Other often make themselves known as ‘full-body’ realisations. More importantly, they are generally not nuggets of wisdom from me, but have come directly to you in the process of our work. They are genuinely yours, and therefore more powerful than other people’s teachings. In psychotherapy terms, they are helpful realisations you cannot ‘un-know'; they leave a lasting imprint.

Not ‘just’ talking

Psychotherapy and counselling are sometimes viewed with suspicion as ‘just’ talking and therefore a little bit light-touch or woolly. People who are very practical or intellectual by nature might therefore dismiss talking therapy before they even give it a go, i.e. “I’m not very good at talking” or “What good would talking about all these terrible things possibly do? I need help!”

In the way I work, a number of strands or approaches can come in, depending on a particular client:

• Exploration of what causes the current suffering – in addition to the problems that are in plain sight (i.e. "My boss is a bully and it's making me miserable") this might include exploration of childhood events and deeply held core beliefs. These core beliefs are often held unconsciously (so we’re not even aware of them), yet can be accessed in a skilled kind of conversation that psychotherapy is.
• Research shows that ‘witnessing,’ even if retrospectively (i.e. your therapist becomes a witness to something that happened to you a long time ago in the telling process) can have a powerful healing effect. In combination with the therapist offering a different perspective or highlighting different aspects of the ‘story,’ witnessing can be impactful and transformative. Daniel Stern, a distinguished author in developmental psychology, speaks about the importance of a ‘narrative’ that gets created and even co-authored (by client and therapist together) in the process of therapy. Some of our narratives about who we are or what happened got set a long time ago and it can be liberating to realise that we have the power to literally re-tell our story.
• Difficult, unbearable emotions can gradually be experienced in the presence of a caring, attentive Other (the therapist). This may not be relevant to everyone, but is one of the key moments of change in psychotherapy. Wilfred Bion, an eminent psychoanalyst and researcher, speaks about the importance of ‘containing’- the therapist will be there, very much affected by what you are saying and feeling, yet not overwhelmed by it – she/ he is able to ‘contain’ the difficult emotion. Research shows that being regularly held by this kind of emotionally sensitive but at the same time robust Other (the therapist) in time also helps the client to start to do the same for himself/ herself. And once we stop avoiding unbearable or difficult emotions and allow ourselves to feel them (in the presence of the Other) – they lose their power. The ideas of ‘containing’ are pertinent in the field of child development – the theory holds that it is the parent (usually the mother) who helps their baby and toddler regulate their emotions from day one. In psychoanalytic and psychotherapeutic research it is suggested that we are therefore already primed to be positively affected by the Other (parent or therapist): when the right conditions are met, healing can begin.

As a result of the above, the following usually happens:

• New core beliefs emerge. This is usually a very organic process, sometimes seen more clearly in hindsight, i.e. at a review point in therapy.
• As we feel validated, seen and heard without judgement, usually our sense of guilt and shame is significantly diminished. Our perspective broadens. There may be clear realisations, often felt in your whole being, not just intellectually, such as “It didn’t start with me,” “I am not faulty or broken,” "I have been doing X (perhaps a self-destructive or insensitive action) just to seek some happiness, which is a normal state for anyone to seek," etc. This in turn starts freeing up psychological bandwidth or energy to begin to make choices that are truly yours, coming from within. This is often a phase where self-help resources can be put into good use. Clients describe starting to value themselves, be kinder to themselves, starting to look after themselves more.
• I have seen time and time again how a better relationship with ourselves leads to better relationships out in the world – with partners, children, friends, our own parents, colleagues, etc.

The above descriptions are perhaps for those who might be interested in the ‘mechanics’ of how psychotherapy works – something that can be a bit mysterious because it’s not often described and can be difficult to articulate. Additionally, in line with Codes of Ethics of most psychotherapy and counselling bodies, descriptions of therapeutic process must not make any definite claims. Hence, our language is necessarily and perhaps infuriatingly tentative and vague.

If you find the above language too jarring and technical, I apologise, and I want to assure you that this is not how I speak in the sessions - none of this needs to be spoken, really, in order for therapy to be effective. People who teach meditation must find some kind of a language to explain it to those who ask about the process, yet nothing can compare to the actual experience of a meditative state.

Even knowing more detail of the process, I would say that psychotherapy is still a leap of faith. No one can guarantee that it will bring you the results you expect. Very often it takes you in surprising directions. If you feel like you resonate with what I’m saying, or feel curious to know more, please get in touch. I usually respond to emails, texts and voicemails within one working day.

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"You cannot heal a single human being, even with psychotherapy, if you do not first restore his relationship to Being."       

Martin Heidegger

• Transitions and life changes, including midlife crisis, older age transitions, transition into parenthood, moving countries
• Fertility, motherhood, menstruality, menopause; women's issues
• Mind-body themes, including psycho-somatic phenomena
• Identity crises and existential questions (meaning, purpose)

10% of my practice is dedicated to low-cost sessions for those on a low income - please get in touch to enquire further.

I offer a 15-minute free phone call if you would like to talk through practicalities, ask a specific question, or quickly connect to help make your decision.

I accept internet banking and cash payments.

Please get in touch to enquire about availability or my approach. If our timings align, we can look into booking an initial session to see if we would like to work together.

The initial session can be treated as a one-off and it is an opportunity for you to say a little bit about what brings you to therapy and for us to explore how I might be able to help. The session is charged a standard rate.

Please check the FAQ section of my website to find out more about my therapy approach.