Ingrid Koehler, Counsellor, Couples and Iindividuals

About me

It takes courage to try counselling. Many more people these days are coming to the point where they recognise that they need help, because they are in distress and would like to deal with a problem that they can't work out for themselves. Counselling can be one way to get help to see the bigger picture. Talking therapy is evidence-based and proven to be successful in helping people in distress.

Distress takes many forms, ranging from stress and anxiety about things in life: feelings of being out of control; feeling a sense of being overwhelmed or confused, depressed or sad, even for no definable reason; feeling hurt or vulnerable, angry, frustrated, desperate, or needy because of particular circumstances or our life history. Distress can also show up as being very emotional all the time or just as a feeling of flatness and pointlessness. Guilt, shame and regret also can deeply affect us and having physical pain, chronic ailments and poor health take their toll. All forms of distress can affect our well-being and relationships.

Another area that counselling is very effective for is trauma. More is known now about the long-term effects of trauma, whether it be from emotional abuse and protracted neglect, or by being shocked, horrified or terrified. We can be impacted by a particular event, which may even be in the distant past. And we hear more about the effects of long-term grief and loss and how this damages our wellbeing. For many people, these signs of distress can bring them to what's generally called these days, a 'breakdown'. But also for others there is simply a feeling of unease or dissatisfaction with life or with not reaching our potential, or with meeting the expectations of others.

With the help of someone who can listen carefully and feel empathy and compassion, counselling gives us an opportunity to gently and safely explore these distresses. My approach is to provide unconditional acceptance and non-judgemental understanding of all that you are and want to talk about, at your pace and according to your level of comfort. I try to create an atmosphere of caring, trust, confidentiality and safety. One of the most useful things counselling can do is to bring new insights and awareness of our problems, behaviour and distress. And it can help us to develop compassion and empathy for ourselves.

My particular passion is helping both women and men understand one another in order to create partnership. I work with individuals and couples in order to help them to look at relationship difficulties. I believe that understanding the differences between women and men is critical in order to resolving these difficulties. I am interested in how women and men are biologically different, because of our hormonal system, and how this affects our interactions with each other. My work with couples is based on the model of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT).

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), as developed by Dr Sue Johnson, is a collaborative, structured, usually short-term therapy approach. It is used with couples, families and individuals create of secure relationship bonds. EFT is a change process that enables movement from distress to recovery. It transforms negative cycles of interaction into safe emotional connection between intimate partners and family members. EFT is based on the science of emotions and attachment theory. EFT allows couples to feel safe, so that both individuals begin to share their concerns and hopes for their relationship.

I have had a private counselling practice in Totnes since 2011 and continue to practise in central Totnes. I have worked with a variety of individual adults and teenagers in short and long-term counselling, with issues ranging from anxiety, panic attacks, depression, stress, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), phobias, loss, grief, bereavement, bonding and attachment issues, trauma, low self-esteem, low confidence, sexual, mental, emotional and physical abuse, eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, bi-polar disorder, cancer and other medical and health issues, as well as relationship issues. I have a background in nursing in the NHS having worked in the specialty of cancer for many years.