Bernie Wooder - Specialist in victims of narcissist and gaslighting
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I am offering emotional support to Doctors and stress counselling for Nurses free of charge. Please contact me for more details.
I am a specialist in victims of:
- narcissist and gaslighting
- inner critic and bullying issues
Are you a people pleaser? Are you a victim of your inner critic? Are you suffering from crippling anxiety, a prisoner of depression or disillusioned by your relationship? - I can help you – How - Over 30 years I have developed proven techniques that I can teach you that actually work in neutralising the effect of anxiety and depression and by making you aware of how or what it is that triggers these feelings. I can also work with you as a couple or on your own to help you with any relationship issues. All this is done in a way that helps you gradually build the confidence which you will experience and use outside of our sessions together.
The way I work
Over the years a number of clients have expressed relief that I’m an interactive therapist, they have been to see many therapists who sit there and listen, this is ok for some people and works for them but not all. The way I work is that I don’t sit there silently; I am working with you, interactively towards solutions. I help you, support you, talk through and guide you. I will assist you identifying blind spots in your behaviour that may be hindering you that you may be completely unaware of.
The application of what I teach you in our sessions will bring about a growing confidence in your own ability to handle/neutralise/reduce/manage difficult or unwanted feelings. We can work on ultimately eradicating these feelings or at least greatly reducing their impact in your life.
In the first session we will get to the heart of your issues, then together we can develop a plan which focuses on dealing with these.
I also offer Skype sessions for counselling, psychotherapy and hypnotherapy. Please note, an initial face to face session for Skype hypnotherapy is required.
Qualified to help
I am a qualified Psychotherapist and Counsellor registered with the UKCP, with 30 years of professional experience which has have included counselling and training therapists at Guys Hospital, London. Compassion and empathy are my guiding principles.
Frequent issues that I will be able to help with:
Anxiety and depression are so persuasive
Anxiety can be like walking into a fog that you are unable to escape from. It can be so completely overwhelming and dominate every area of your life. It can affect the choices you make in your life, your relationships, your work and can leave you feeling like nobody understands just how bad it can be.
Do well meaning people/family often tell you “You’re worrying too much” “Just stop worrying and your inability to be able to do this leads to you feeling feel even more isolated.
I see many clients struggling with anxiety and depression and I can help by:
- Showing you the kind of thinking you are unaware of that starts your anxiety in the first place,
- Introducing techniques that help you manage or totally dispel it
Do you have a strong inner critic? Signs that you do are:
- Doubting yourself
- Low self-esteem
- Lack of confidence
- Feeling helpless
This can make you vulnerable to manipulation by controlling people, who use gaslighting to make you doubt and not trust yourself. Gaslighting is making comments that can; take away your confidence, bring you down, undermine you, make you feel unhappy and sad.
People that gaslight look for people pleasers, nice people who do things for others and take responsibility for things that are not their fault. All of this can be done by family members, friends, work colleagues, and managers/supervisors. Often people who are vulnerable to these feelings can also be bullied. Their kindness can be seen as weakness. We would work together as a team with my 31 years of experience, to support you and teach you how to feel free of these feelings, confident and happier, as we work on all these issues.
Finally, often nice people like you don’t have boundaries. It’s very important for me to help you develop them. All this will change your life.
Deep hurt, anger, guilt, grief, frustration, betrayal and confusion are just a few of the many feelings that can come up. Many questions also haunt you, such as “What decision should I make”? "How will it affect the children?", "What am I doing wrong?" and "Where will this all lead?” Should we give up or can we save it?
I provide the space and 30 years experience for you to explore these feelings and the questions that come up between you with compassion and fairness. It takes courage to save your marriage or relationship. A fresh, non-judgemental approach can really help you see negative patterns of your behaviour and your emotional blind spots. And finally, where you may not be communicating properly.
How do I help?
- I work on increasing awareness between couples of their own behaviour and of others and how it affects them both.
- I help you to really identify the hidden issues, not just “he said, she said”
- I observe how you work as a couple, how each is interacting, how one responds when the other is talking.
- I help you to communicate with each other; people have preferred styles of communication. I help you to identify YOURS.
- By helping your partner identify when and why she/he gets angry, often I hear “I don’t know why that makes him/ her angry” or “it came out of nowhere”
Pregnancy anxiety issues
I am also a trained Hypnotherapist - specialising in pregnancy and anxiety issues arising prior to your due date and or after - for both of you as for many men the sense of rejection at this time is very painful and how it is dealt with can set the emotional tone of the marriage for years to come, confidence, self esteem, setting goals for your future and dealing with any kind of fear or failure.
I will help you let go of stress
Stress is the result of you getting yourself into a mindset that overwhelms you which in turn brings on anxiety and barely controlled panic.
- It impedes your optimum performance in any task
- It effects your personal relationships
- Sleep problems
- Appetite low or overeating
- Health problem
- And general enjoyment of life
Are you angry with yourself?
Are you angry all the time? Find yourself upsetting your love ones and work colleagues. I can help you identify the reasons why.
I can't cope with relationships
Over the last twenty years I have worked with many relationship issues. Difficulties with relationships take many varied forms, it can be at work, socially, or boyfriend/girlfriend. For some, it's always feeling like an outsider. For others, it's difficult connecting with people. or a feeling that they're never understood, some are not able to receive compliments or nurturing in any way. Subsequently their confidence and self esteem is greatly affected. Feeling lonely, even in a group or at a party, is another.
All of the above share the feeling that everyone else is OK and finds it easy and that its just them with the problem, which only makes you feel worse. So we will work together as a team to discover what you need, or what may need to be expressed or learnt.
I have just lost someone dear to me
This is where you will need the most support, gentleness, understanding and space, whilst you go through the stages of grief which often last a year, some people its less and some people its more. But you need to know your not alone at such a painful time and that you can have someone you can connect with heart to heart. And because of the feelings and memories it brings up in you, you may not feel you can not speak to members of your family about it, either because you find it to intimate or you have realised they are going through exactly the same as you and you don't want to be a burden.
My future looks dark and I don't know where to turn?
First we will do some exploratory sessions to discover your options. We will then look at where they may conflict. With my support and experience we will work together as a team to find the best way forward and your life will gradually brighten.
I'm always under pressure and stressed out
Our focus would be on your attitudes to what you do in life. Are you a perfectionist? Do you feel driven? Do you feel overwhelmed? The answers to all these questions will help you to gain control and handle any situation, thus lessening your stress.
I'm not in control of my life anymore
We would need to explore together what being in control of your life actually means to you. If you have been in control before in your life what has changed?
I feel alone and isolated. Is this recent?
Or has it always been this way? Together we will look at your history in a comfortable, non-judgemental way and find out what can be done.
I need more confidence
What would having more confidence feel like? How do you see yourself being confident? What would people be saying about you? How would you know when you had achieved it? The answers to these questions are your direct route to your confidence. Together we can do it.
I'm always on edge
What do you have to be constantly ready for? Is it a form of excitement in an otherwise dull life? Although these questions may shock you a little, if honestly answered it can help us to work together for you to feel more comfortable and relaxed.
I'm not managing my life in the way I want to
There is an old saying "if you are not managing your life then somebody else is" Is this true to you? If it is why do you allow it to continue, if it isn't did you ever manage your life? If you did what changed? Circumstances, you or both?
I'm frustrated because I am not achieving what I want to in my life
You need help and support. To identify your goals, identify the heart of your frustration and the way you are going about trying to achieve your goals. Together we will work out a step by step plan for achievement of your goals and eliminating frustration.
We all feel 'down' from time to time
Everyone feels 'down in the dumps' occasionally and there is often a simple explanation - we're unwell, under pressure at work, there's some conflict at home, or maybe someone close to us has a problem and we worry for them.
Often, an enjoyable night out or just a chat with friends can put it all into perspective and we can face another day refreshed.
But sometimes it lasts more than a day or two...
A problem can sometimes be more serious and seem almost impossible to shake off. It's at times like this when friends and family may not be able to help - after all, they may have their own troubles or even be sharing the same with you.
But who can I turn to?
If you are feeling trapped and don't know what to do, you would probably benefit from an expert's independent and non judgemental point of view.
...You don't have to deal with it on your own.
Training, qualifications & experience
- 3 years training Counselling - Herts Beds and Bucks Pastoral Foundation
- 3 1/2 years Psychotherapy training - Karuna Institute in Devon
- 3 years Bio Synthesis Training
- Master in Hypnosis - Pass with distinction.
I have worked in Harley Street, Whittington Hospital Highgate.
I have also worked for MGM and Warner Bros as a consultant and I am an author.
With 30 years of professional experience have included counselling, training therapists at Guys Hospital, London contributing to the UK media; 'All in the Mind' with professor Anthony Clare, two appearances on Richard and Judy plus many other documentaries on TV. On LBC with Jeni Barnett, Paul Ross, Jo Good and Steve Wright in the afternoon.
- UKCP Registered
- Member of the BACP
The discover of neuroplasticity is a great help in treating many clients who would have thought it wasn't possible. I work this way.
Registered / Accredited
Being registered/accredited with a professional body means an individual must have achieved a substantial level of training and experience approved by their member organisation.
UK Council for Psychotherapy
The UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) is a leading professional body for the education, training and regulation of psychotherapists and psychotherapeutic counsellors. Its register is accredited by the government's Professional Standards Authority.
As part of its commitment to protect the public, it works to improve access to psychotherapy, to support and disseminate research, to improve standards and to respond effectively to complaints against its members.
UKCP standards cover the range of different psychotherapies. Registration is obtained by training or accrediting with one of its member organisations, or by holding a European Certificate in Psychotherapy. Accredited by the Professional Standards Authority.
Accredited register membership
Accredited Register Scheme
The Accredited Register Scheme was set up in 2013 by the Department of Health (DoH) as a way to recognise organisations that hold voluntary registers which meet certain standards. These standards are set by the Professional Standards Authority (PSA).
This therapist has indicated that they belong to an Accredited Register.
Areas of counselling I deal with
Other areas of counselling I deal with
- Mid Life Crisis
- Support through Diagnosis of cancer and emotional, post operative adjustment.
- Identifying problems and their solutions
- Anyone who has a feeling for the arts and something in any art form (film, music or poem) I can use this as a very helpful adjunct in their therapy.
- I also teach meditation
There is a growing rise of new dads seeking counselling during this period of adjustment. This is a very important time as it sets the tone of the relationship with their partner going forward.
I can offer counselling to you and give the opportunity for you to be understood, to help to bring balance to your relationship and to learn how to think as a three.
I feel very strongly about supporting doctor's and GP's mental health. I have 30 years experience as a psychotherapist so please contact me to find out more information on how I can help.
"When the image and the mind are in conflict, the imagination always wins." Freud.
Its important because the imagination is what is largely used by the hypnotherapist to help the person achieve their aims. And the mind is more open to learning in a hypnotic state and learns quicker. In terms of learning how to live with fear and anxiety in a hypnotic state, you take in those lessons much more deeply and I will show you how to do it.
Much of my work is with pregnant women. I help them face the oncoming birth of their new baby and deal with any anxiety and fear, in which I will help them through relaxation and bring all the resources to help them from their unconscious mind. I found this approach to be very successful in calming prospective mums down, so that they can have some peace of mind and just trust that nature has built their body to do this from the beginning of time and it knows what to do. Anxiety or fear can get in the way, and lets face it, its a miracle that only women can enjoy and not everybody gets the chance to experience a miracle, so you don't want anything affecting this experience in a negative way. You can send me an email but please give me your phone number so I can return your call. This will give us the opportunity to get a sense of me and how we will work together, and you can ask me questions which perhaps you can't do in an email.
Concessions offered for
Sessions are 1 hr £70 - please contact me by phone and we can arrange an appointment.
Concessions for Psychotherapy and Counselling students who have to have therapy as part of their current course.
I am offering emotional support to Doctors and stress counselling for Nurses free of charge. Please contact me for more details.
Bernie Wooder U.K.C.P is a qualified Psychotherapist and Counsellor and has helped many people, from many backgrounds put the quality they deserve back into their lives. Bernie focuses on negative patterns in your life - past, present and future - which can inhibit your true self, replacing them with manageable, agreed goals that he plans with you to achieve a whole new perspective.
Over 30 years of being a psychotherapist I have found that many times people don't need therapy they need coaching. Let me help you to get what you want. If you really want it give me a ring.
Parking available in Kilburn and Borehamwood.
I prefer to arrange contact by phone, please when emailing leave a contact telephone number and I will call you as soon as possible.