Don’t let your past control your future
Looking at my stats for this page, I see that you will spend about two minutes here before moving on. What can I tell you in two minutes? That Anxiety and Depression don’t have to rule your life. That every day doesn’t have to feel like a duvet day. That you don’t have to turn into the Incredible Hulk every time you have an argument.
Counselling can help. Not just help the problem but help you. Help you to know yourself better and to be kind to yourself. Talking with me will help you grow and change. Permanently. There are no quick fixes here. I won’t promise a six session cure. People take time, and coming to see me gives you that time.
One of my patients put it like this “Terry allows me to talk about things that don’t seem to matter, patiently bringing the conversation around to the connections that do. He provides a space in which I have grown and will hopefully continue to do so.”
Do contact me to talk about all those things that don’t seem to matter - but which do!
I was a psychiatric nurse for almost 30 years before becoming a counsellor. So I’ve worked with all kinds of people with all kinds of problems. They’ve taught me so much! This is part of what I bring to my counselling work. I don’t scare easily, nor do I blush easily.
What else do you need to know? I like people. It’s a privilege when somebody chooses to tell me about their life and allows me to help them. My particular way of working is called Psychodynamic Counselling, which probably doesn’t tell you much. One definition says that it is a form of counselling that enables you to understand the way you relate to people, to the world, and to yourself, and so develop a more satisfying, constructive and sustainable way of living.
My way of working invites you to think of all the messages that you heard over the years. Messages about how you should Be:
“Nice girls don’t…”
“If you really loved me…”
“Big boys don’t cry…”
We probably stopped listening to these messages after a while. But they lodged in our minds and still influence us now. Sometimes they help us. All too often they bring us down. Working with me gives you a chance to think about those messages and their impact. Then you can choose what to do with them. But you’re making a conscious choice, not just letting them tell you what to do.
Interested? Please get in touch.
Training, qualifications & experience
My qualifications are:
- Cert.Ed- St.Paul's College, Cheltenham
- Mental Health Nurse (RMN) - Fairfield hospital, Beds
- B.A. (Hons) - Luton University
- Certificate in Counselling Skills - Westminster Pastoral Foundation, London
- Diploma in Adult Counselling - Birkbeck College - University of London
- M.A. Psychoanalytic Studies - Tavistock Clinic / UEL
I am a Member of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP).
British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy
BACP is one of the UK’s largest professional bodies for counselling and psychotherapy. Therapists registered with the Association fall into a number of different membership categories such as Individual Member, Registered Member MBACP and Registered Member MBACP (Accred), each standing for different levels of training and experience. MBACP (Accred) and MBACP (Snr Accred) members have achieved a substantial level of training and experience approved by the Association.
Registered members can be found on the BACP Register, which was the first register to achieve Accredited Voluntary Register status issued by the Professional Standards Authority. Individual Members will have completed an appropriate counselling and/or psychotherapy course and started to practise, but will not appear on the BACP Register until they've progressed to Registered Member MBACP status.
All members are bound by a Code of Ethics & Practice and a Complaints Procedure. Accredited by the Professional Standards Authority.
Accredited register membership
Accredited Register Scheme
The Accredited Register Scheme was set up in 2013 by the Department of Health (DoH) as a way to recognise organisations that hold voluntary registers which meet certain standards. These standards are set by the Professional Standards Authority (PSA).
This therapist has indicated that they belong to an Accredited Register.
Areas of counselling I deal with
Other areas of counselling I deal with
Having been a psychiatric nurse for some 30 years, I am particularly interested in working with people who have a psychiatric label. All too often all you are offered are drugs but not talking therapy.. I am happy to offer you a space to think and talk about your symptoms and how they affect you.
Do contact me on 07931 500783 if you think I can help you.
Usually £50 per session but this can be discussed in the initial meeting.
Concessions offered for
We all recognise the Incredible Hulk who is also the mild mannered Dr Bannerman most of the time. Until there’s some kind of crisis. Then his other side takes over in the form of the Incredible Hulk. Pure feeling and instinct.
If something or someone gets in his way, he demolishes them, wanting only to reach his goal, with almost no regard for himself or others. If you are prone to bouts of anger, depression or anxiety, you might recognise this behaviour. On a bad day, heaven help anyone or anything who gets in your way. They will be swept aside ruthlessly. “You can’t expect anything from me. Look how angry/anxious/depressed I am.” “Going into work? Not a chance. Look at me.” Or our anger deflects from our fear. “You can’t expect me to that. I don’t know how. I need help” changes into “Me? Do that? What do you think I am? If you want that, do it yourself”. So we create self defeating cycles where our anger/anxiety/depression all step in to protect us. From what? From being vulnerable. Because to be vulnerable means acknowledging that we need help. We need other people. And, of course, our behaviour has just the opposite effect. Who’s going to risk getting too close to the Hulk? The amount of damage he can unthinkingly do is huge. Better to wait until he has calmed down before approaching. When Dr Bannerman reappears, we’ll get involved. Until then, we’ll keep our heads down.
There are various ways to manage this Hulk/Dr Bannerman split. One very effective way is by using a breathing exercise. To train ourselves to breath slowly and deeply when we feel a “Hulk moment“ coming on. This can work well, up to a point. The trouble is that we sometimes like our “Hulk moments”. It makes us feel powerful and in control. Which is true but doesn’t take into account the damage we can still cause.
Another way is to try to train ourselves to recognise when a “Hulk moment” is likely to emerge. At this point we try to reframe our thoughts. ”When he said ‘No pudding, thank you' he wasn’t rejecting me or my cooking. He was full!” This can work as long as we can allow ourselves to say it. On a bad day, we go off in a sad, angry sulk.
There is another way of looking at our anger/anxiety/depression cycle. This is to look back at where we learned this behaviour. How did your family deal with conflict? Or loss? Or other difficulties? Were they able to talk about difficult feelings and situations? Money problems? One of the children being bullied? Or bullying? Did mum and dad work as a team or did they go off into separate corners and throw emotional bombs at each other? What did I learn from this? Has it helped or hindered me in my life so far?
Coming to see me will allow you to look at this last option. To see how our past shapes our present and, in turn, our future. And to make choices about how we live our lives.
The Incredible Hulk or Dr Bannerman. The choice is yours to make.