Lindy Mlilo

Hello, I am a registered Systemic Family Therapist. I support children, adolescents, families and couples with their emotional well being. Life can be challenging sometimes when it feels impossible, without help, to deal with the struggles you may encounter. Psychotherapy can support you to explore and understand these experiences, and, in time, for you to be able to move on and create the possibility for change.

AREAS OF THERAPY I ASSIST WITH

Child Attachment

Adoptive parents are eager to welcome a child into their home and hearts. Sometimes they need extra help with the special attachment challenges these children can present. Often children with attachment difficulties have suffered developmental and relational trauma, abuse, neglect or frequent changes in caregiver early in life and they are often labeled as clinging aggressive, controlling, destructive and bossy.

Adult Attachment

Just because they are approved does not mean prospective adopters' attachment issues are resolved. What we sometimes fail to acknowledge are adult attachment injuries that prospective adopters take into their parenting role.

Interracial Adoption Challenges

It is important to know who you are and where you come from, especially if you physically look different from your adoptive family. Family therapy can assist these families to enhance confidence, develop the adopted child's individual identity and self-esteem by equipping them with strategies and an informed understanding to manoeuvre their way through a society that can be discriminatory.

Post Adoption Assessments

I am able to combine my systemic therapy skills with my social work skills to undertake in depth holistic assessments to safeguard children and I use triage skills to assess risk in order to help identify the emotional needs of the adopted children and their adoptive families. The assessment is undertaken in a supportive, non blaming and transparent manner. The assessment will also be sensitive to difference.

Therapeutic Life story Work

Life story work offers deep exploration and reflective work with a child and parent to help them develop a coherent and more accurate story of their early life experiences. The process is significant for their understanding and acceptance of who they are. It aids children and young people to recover from abuse, trauma or nrglect to make sense and accept their life journey.

Adopters Relationship as a Couple and the impact on their parenting

  Sometimes adopters neglect their own personal feelings in their determination to provide a secure and stable home for their adopted child. It is helpful for couples to develop an insight about their expectations of each other and how those expectations influences the child's attachment to them.

·       Exploration of adopter’s relationship and how this can impact on their adopted child.

·       Space to consider the importance of co-parenting and how our own parenting experiences/styles influences the parenting of their adopted child/ren.

Prospective Adoption Assessments (PARs).

Undertaking individual and couples assessments in order to formulate a prospective adopter’s report that will be presented to an adoption panel for approval. All assessments where possible would be completed within the statutory timescale.

Psychotherapy can support you to explore and understand feelings, emotions and experiences that affects your behaviours, thoughts and may be the decisions you make. Engaging with this therapeutic intervention and with time, you may be able to move on positively having created the possibility for change with the help of a Psychotherapist.

The areas that can be explored but not an exhaustive list are:

• Depression
• couple relationships
• separation
• divorce
• relationship issues
• low self esteem
• lack of confidence
• anger
• stress
• addictions
• v trauma
• v obsessive compulsive disorder,
• v work related stress,
• v loss and bereavement,
• v anxiety
• v life transitions
• v attachment
• v communication difficulties
• v neglect
• v physical abuse
• v sexual abuse
• v sexual identity issues bullying
• v life changes like retirement, ageing, job changes
• v race and cultural issues

Every individual is different and my therapeutic relation with each person will reflect that. My focus is to always to use a respectful, non blaming approach which centres  people as the experts in their own lives. I believe people have abilities and strengths that will assist them to reduce the influence of problems in their lives.

I provide a calm, safe and confidential space where you can explore and obtain an insight into the problems you confront and feelings and issues that are causing difficulties in your life. Psychotherapy aims to help you change or find suitable methods of managing.

WHAT IS FAMILY THERAPY?

Family Therapy views the family as a system. When one part of the system is not working well, then the whole system can break down. The family often serves as the platform you take your identity from, and can be your main support. It can also, however, be your main source of anxiety, misunderstanding and upset. Family therapy also considers the impact of the wider social and economic context on their lives, their well-being and their mental health. Through family therapy people aim to identify and explore patterns of belief and behaviour in roles and relationships. Therapy is individually tailored and mostly short term. And it's not just for adults but is very effective at helping struggling children or adolescents.

Family relationships, Youth issues like bullying, child behavioural difficulties, parenting challenges, illness and bereavement, fostering, adoption, step-families, life changes like retirement, ageing, job changes, separation, divorce, couple relationships, stress, trauma, race and cultural issues, depression, physical and emotional abuse, addictions, divorce and separation.

Child related issues, family issues, Depression, Cultural issues, Adoption, Looked after children, life story work, low self confidence, low self esteem, obsessive compulsive disorder, relationship issues, separation and divorce, stress, trauma, work related stress, loss and bereavement, anxiety, life transitions, attachment, neglect, abuse

Children Attachment
Adoptive parents are eager to welcome a child into their home and hearts. Sometimes they need extra help with the special attachment challenges these children can present. Often children with attachment difficulties have suffered trauma, abuse, neglect or frequent changes in caregiver early in life and they often labeled as clinging, controlling, destructive and bossy.

Adult Attachment
Just because they are approved doesn't mean prospective adopters' attachment issues are resolved. What we sometimes fail to acknowledge are adult attachment injuries that that prospective adopters take into their parenting role.

Interracial Adoption Challenges
It is important to know who you are and where you come from, especially if you physically look different from your adoptive family. Family therapy can assist these families to enhance confidence and self esteem in the adopted child by equipping them with strategies to maneuver their way through a society that can be discriminatory.

Post Adoption Assessments
I am able to combine my systemic therapy skills with my social work skills to undertake in depth holistic assessments to safeguard children and I use triage skills to assess risk in order to help identify the emotional needs of the adopted children and their adoptive families. The assessment is carried out in a supportive, non blaming and transparent manner. The assessment will also be sensitive to difference.

Therapeutic Life story Work
A child who does not fully understand their history is at risk of developing an imagined story of fictional family members leading to a misplaced sense of identity as they mature. I believe it is important to go at the child's pac

Adopters Relationship as a Couple
Sometimes adopters neglect their own personal feelings in their determination to provide a secure and stable home for their adopted child. It would be helpful for the couple to develop an insight about their expectations of each other and how those expectations impact the child's attachment to them.

I have private, public and voluntary sector experience as a social worker and psychotherapist. I have a current enhanced DBS which is a series of police checks which enable me to work with vulnerable children and adults.

I receive ongoing , regular supervision and am committed to my own professional development, attending various courses and workshops, reading relevant literature and articles.