Is your self-worth sabotaging you and your relationships?

Is your self-esteem standing in the way of your happiness and your relationships? This is a very important question to ask yourself.


Self-worth does not equal self-confidence. You might be sure of your abilities to succeed in life but, when you dig a little deeper, do you know your worth? Research has shown that self-worth lays the foundations for all other areas of your life, be it your relationships or your career. But how do you know whether you suffer from low self-esteem? Here are some questions to ask yourself.

Do you strive for perfection?

Being obsessed with perfection is not only a result of low self-esteem but is also a reinforcer. What we mean by that is that if we have such unrealistic standards we're almost always going to fall short. By striving for that unattainable standard, you increase your chances of falling short and feeling like a failure. So the loop starts all over again.

Are you overly sensitive?

Feeling overly sensitive can be difficult to admit to, but if you find yourself quick to upset or anger at the smallest hints of criticism, you could be suffering from low self-worth. It can be hard to stand up for yourself or consciously decide to not react in these situations, but doing so can actually raise your self-esteem.

Are you constantly angry or anxious?

If you feel like you’re perpetually channelling Grumpy from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, you may have issues with self-worth. Having low self-esteem can feel like fighting a never-ending battle with yourself, leaving you constantly anxious and frustrated. It can be really exhausting and drive those we love away from us further compounding feelings of isolation and anxiety.

Do you know your worth?

Self-esteem is not the same thing as self-confidence. Even someone who’s sure of their ability to succeed can lack confidence in their value as a person and feel that they have little to offer the world. We often find ourselves not putting ourselves forward in situations. This is where even if we are challenged slightly we double guess our abilities.

Are you a people-pleaser?

Striving to be liked by everyone you meet is a surefire way to hurt your self-worth. Accepting that the right people will love you for who you are and that it’s impossible to please everyone can help you put yourself first. When we want to please everyone we are definitely going to compromise our authentic selves and sometimes our values.

Do you like you?

Having low self-worth can feel like having a resident critic in your mind that you can’t evict. This critic can bring you down by comparing you to others, encouraging you to hate your body or personality. Turn that old saying on its head – if you’re not treating yourself as you treat other people, you may be suffering from low self-esteem.

If you’d like to learn more about self-worth and stop sabotaging yourself and your relationships then let's talk. We can explore how you can get out of your own way to create a life where you are your own best friend. Please do contact me. It's your time to connect with yourself so you can truly connect with others.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Counselling Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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Wimbledon, London, SW19
Written by Pam Custers, Relationship Therapist London MA Pg/Dip (RELATE) Psych Hons
Wimbledon, London, SW19

Pam Custers MA Pg Dip BA Psych is an experienced therapist based in Wimbledon and online.

Working with individuals, couples and families.
Specialising in Relationships and marriage counselling.

She has worked in a range of organisations including RELATE, GP Practice, Schools. Clients are successful individuals who value her unique approach.

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