What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is an intense need to complete something without mistakes or errors. It’s when someone sets unrealistic or extremely high expectations for themselves, getting caught up in the smallest of details. Those standards can be about any area of life, including work, relationships, health, appearance, and cleanliness. The pressure to maintain this level of perfectionism can lead to burnout and a build-up of anxiety.
Is perfectionism a mental health condition?
Perfectionism is a personality trait that involves setting very high standards for yourself or others. While it isn't a mental health condition, it can be linked to eating disorders, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). However, perfectionism and OCD are not the same thing. OCD involves unwanted, intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviours or mental acts (compulsions).
Types of perfectionism
There are three commonly recognised types of perfectionism:
- Self-oriented perfectionism – setting very high standards for yourself and being overly critical when you don't meet them.
- Socially prescribed perfectionism – feeling that other people expect you to be perfect and worrying about letting them down.
- Other-oriented perfectionism – expecting others to meet very high standards and being critical when they don't.
Signs of perfectionism
Although perfectionism is nuanced, perfectionists typically share some traits.
All-or-nothing thinking
All-or-nothing thinking is common in perfectionism. It means seeing things as either completely good or completely bad, with little room for anything in between. For example, you might feel that making one mistake means you've failed at something, even if you've done well overall.
Other unhelpful thinking patterns can include overgeneralising (assuming one bad experience means things will always go wrong) and catastrophising (expecting the worst possible outcome).
Criticism
As perfectionists often feel inadequate or not ‘good enough’, they can be overly critical. This can mean expecting too much of themselves and sometimes others. Even small mistakes can feel like failure, so a less-than-perfect outcome can lead to self-judgement and a negative inner critic.
As perfectionists tend to expect so much from themselves, they can sometimes spot flaws or imperfections in others more easily. If you recognise these patterns, you may find yourself becoming irritated by others or responding defensively to criticism, even when it comes from a well-intentioned place. Making mistakes can feel scary, so you may push yourself to meet unrealistic expectations.
Unrealistic expectations
People with perfectionist tendencies may set standards that are difficult or impossible to meet. They might feel that everything needs to be done perfectly, even when they've already done their best.
This pressure can be exhausting. Small mistakes may feel like big setbacks, and the fear of getting things wrong can make it harder to enjoy everyday activities or try something new.
Fear of failure
These unrealistic standards can result in fear of failure. This can affect people with perfectionism in different ways. Some examples include worrying that making mistakes will let you and others down, and being so hard on yourself that it stops you from achieving a goal.
Research suggests that the fear of failure can be due to anxiety about experiencing embarrassment or shame. The fear can be felt so strongly that it sometimes means that you avoid giving things a go in the first place.
People with perfectionist tendencies may spend a lot of time worrying about past mistakes or things that could go wrong. This can lead to feelings of shame or make it harder to move on from setbacks.
Procrastination
Procrastination may not be an obvious link to perfectionism since this type of behaviour can go against being productive. People with perfectionism may be so anxious about getting something wrong or making a mistake that they become demotivated or preoccupied. If you tend to procrastinate, you may find you put off starting a task or give up halfway through. You may also find that you avoid making decisions in case something goes wrong.
This can create a cycle of perfectionism and procrastination. The pressure to get everything right can lead to a fear of failure, making it harder to start or finish tasks. Putting things off can then add to the pressure you already feel.
What is perfectionism caused by?
Perfectionism can develop for several reasons. For some people, it may be linked to low self-esteem, a fear of failure or a need to feel in control. Past experiences, family expectations and pressure from others can also play a part.
For example, growing up with high expectations or feeling praised mainly for achievements may lead someone to believe they must do everything perfectly to be accepted. However, everyone's experience is different, and perfectionism doesn't always have one clear cause.
The difference between perfectionism and having high standards
Having high standards isn't always a problem. You can work hard and aim to do well without being overly critical of yourself. Perfectionism can become unhelpful when you set unrealistic expectations or feel that making mistakes means you've failed.
Some signs of a healthier approach to achieving your goals include:
- acknowledging a job well done, even if there were mistakes or flaws
- supporting others to be the best they can be without criticism
- enjoying the journey of fulfilling a goal, rather than getting to the endpoint
- bouncing back from disappointment when things didn’t work out.
How to overcome perfectionism
If perfectionism is affecting your wellbeing, there are small steps you can take to help manage it.
- Try mindfulness or meditation to help you focus on the present rather than worrying about making mistakes.
- Limit comparisons with others, particularly on social media, if they leave you feeling that you're not good enough.
- Set realistic goals and break bigger tasks into smaller, manageable steps.
- Be patient with yourself. You don't need to overcome perfectionism 'perfectly', and it's OK to feel anxious sometimes.
- Make time to rest without feeling that you need to achieve something.
- Remember that mistakes are part of learning. Getting something wrong doesn't mean you've failed.
- Practise self-compassion by speaking to yourself as kindly as you would to a friend.
- Consider counselling if perfectionism is affecting your daily life or wellbeing. A therapist can help you explore unhelpful patterns and build self-acceptance.
To learn more about how to reframe a negative inner voice, read What is the negative critical voice? by psychotherapist Danielle Corbett (MBACP Accred, Adv. Dip).
How can I support a perfectionist child?
There are lots of different ways to help a child with perfectionist tendencies. If you’re the parent, the most important thing is not to feel bad or guilty. There are changes that caregivers can make, such as having reasonable expectations and focusing on the child’s effort rather than the outcomes. This can help children develop a growth mindset, bouncing back after setbacks and enjoying the process of trying.
Counselling and perfectionism
If perfectionism is affecting your daily life or wellbeing, talking to a counsellor may help. You can seek support at any age, even if you've been struggling with perfectionism for a long time.
Different types of therapy can help you explore unhelpful thoughts and behaviours. For example, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help you recognise and challenge patterns of thinking that contribute to perfectionism. Other approaches, such as internal family systems (IFS) therapy, may help you explore self-criticism and the pressure to be perfect.
Counselling can offer a supportive space to understand these patterns and develop greater self-compassion. You can use our directory to find a counsellor who has experience supporting people with perfectionism.
