Unexpected loss of a parent

You may have heard of the loss cycle, you may have heard of the stages of grief, you may have had bereavement therapy and learned a variety of tools and coping strategies. What do all of these have in common? knowledge after the fact, things you might come into contact with after a loss in order to navigate that loss and the future.

How then can we be better prepared? The truth is we can learn tools and coping strategies, expand our existing knowledge in a variety of areas which all help prepare us for that part of life that is the hardest, loss. However, nothing quite prepares us for that part of loss that we can't predict... the unexpected part. 

What is the unexpected part? The unexpected part of loss is just as it sounds, it hits us like a freight train and doesn't stop to check how we are doing afterwards, it keeps on rolling down the track leaving us to pick up the pieces and navigate a future without in this case a parent.

The unexpected loss of a parent is, as you can imagine, nothing short of life-changing. It will be difficult, it might feel one day to the next as though you were hanging from a cliff with one hand while your other arm was tied behind your back and you're left wondering is today the day that you fall, or is today the day that you pull yourself up onto that cliff top?

Those old adages of 'time healing all wounds' etc still hold some truth but not in the way that you might think. With the passage of time, you will indeed learn to navigate these new waters. However, the unexpected loss of a parent is unique among loss in that of course the already highlighted unexpected part but also the fact that it is a parent here. We can't help but feel its impact. Simply because our parents set the blueprint for how we move through the world, how we form attachments, and how we interact with others. I'm not suggesting that will disappear, but it will rock you to your core, it will forever change you.

Everyone is different and everyone has a different relationship with their parents which is important to highlight here. Some of us may not have a good relationship with our parents but that does not mean it will affect us any less or that our experience is in some way not as pivotal. Why? because of that key word in this article 'unexpected'. 

Does this mean then that we are without recourse? The short answer, No.

There are things we can do when we experience the Unexpected loss of a parent. We can engage with self-care, we can reach out for support from our social networks, and we can lean on others for support. We can also engage with therapy services. 

The key thing I hope you will take from this article is that however unexpected the loss is, you don't have to experience that loss in isolation. If people offer to help, let them help if they can, there is no shame in leaning on others for support when you need it, which includes engaging with therapy services. You don't have to suffer in silence, help is there when you need it.

Reach out to services to get the help you need for your unexpected loss.