The sex 'text'

Have you ever received that stimulating text? The one that gets your heart racing? The one that gets you all caught up in your feelings? Yes. I am here to talk about the taboo subject of sex. Isn't it rather interesting that it's an activity desired or done by most consenting adults, yet the stigma of conversation remains?

Well, I have no reservations on speaking about sex. I have already made it known that I am an out and proud 'sapiosexual' (no shame in my game). Yes, guys, it all begins in our brains. Believe it or not, your thoughts and beliefs about sex subconsciously skew your perception and ultimately your physical experience of it.

Sex, sex, sex, yes I said it. Oh yeees! I said it. Now, don't you cover your ears and eyes, as I am only here to respectfully speak on the topic. How could I ever attempt to holistically speak about healthy relationships and never approach the subject of sex? That would certainly be a lacking, unbalanced, and biased conversation; I guess like most failing relationships - no shades intended.

So here goes...

A few years back, psychological research was conducted providing evidence that 'sex is completely different for men and women', but when both partners agree, sex is an important part of a committed relationship.

It's also no secret that sex is a way to de-stress; therefore contributing to healthy mental health. Having sex or making love (in my best baritone voice) helps relieves stress, as it releases endorphins and other hormones that make us feel good. (Singing in my head) "I feel good, I knew that I would..."

Okay, okay, I digress. As I was saying before rudely interrupting myself, when you’re stress-free and feeling great, you function better, and it also gives you a level of closeness with your significant other. It’s just as imperative as trust and communication, with the bonus being that it's a universal form of pleasure.

Are you still with me? Good, because by now you can all tell I am an advocate for 'passion'. Passion, passion, be passionate. I did a live vlog recently where I emphasised the importance of passion. I now know the best relationship you can have is with someone who’s your best friend and your lover. If you’re in a relationship that has become sexless (or not sensual in any form), you might as well be dating just a friend. Yep - it's that simple.

All relationships need passion; well, speaking for me, I know I need it. But to be honest, with my vivacious personality I can't help but be passionate. Relationships need excitement and sexiness. Having sex with your partner keeps the spark alive. It makes the relationship desirable, stimulating, and fun. Fun, fun, and more fun, I say!

Sex promotes intimacy and reassurance and shows you both that you’re wanted and needed. It’s one way of assuring your significant other that the love is still there and everything is okay, regardless of how life has become or how intense things are. Well, if you have ever experienced 'makeup sex' in its truest essence, then you will understand the core of this statement.

"Couples/persons who have sex very often are generally happier than those who don't". Those aren't my words; they are based on research. Having sex puts an extra pep into your step. It also boosts your self-confidence and gives you a more positive attitude about yourself.

"Where are you going with this?", I hear you ask. Well, I am stating all this to highlight that a lack of sex (or sensual activity for those who can't physically participate in sex) actually becomes a massive issue, and can eventually lead to unhappy relationships.

Listen, guys - I am not saying we should be risque and uncouth by sharing our personal details and our private life with others or anyone willing to listen. However, what I am saying is let's be less coy on the subject and promote more healthy sexual conversations and behaviours in our partnerships, as it's an integral aspect of a union. It is a vital component and, like 'trust', it has the potential to define whether our relationships are successful or not.

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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Written by Lordia Lewis-Spencer Reg. MBACP, MBAATN

My direction towards self-development has exposed me to deep & wonderful values. I now understand that feelings don’t need to be avoided or feared, they just are. I know people are all inherently creative & given the right environment of empathy, non-judgmental & unconditional positive regard everyone can find their way.
During my studies at Roehampton University, I was ac… Read more

Written by Lordia Lewis-Spencer Reg. MBACP, MBAATN

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