How do you bring up issues healthily in relationship?

Bringing up difficulties in a relationship can be tricky. However, it is essential for the growth and well-being of the relationship.


How to talk about issues without causing an argument

Below are some suggestions on how to mention issues without causing an argument.

Pick an appropriate time and place

Timing is vital when tackling sensitive topics. Opt for a moment when both of you are in good spirits and make sure you are in a secluded area where you can have an uninterrupted conversation.

Utilise "I" statements

When talking about the issue, use "I" declarations rather than "you" declarations. For instance, instead of saying, "You always forget to take the bin out," say something like "I feel frustrated when the bin isn't taken out." This approach can help to avoid sounding accusatory or condemnatory.

Focus on the issue, not on the person

It's important to remember that you are dealing with an issue, not attacking anyone personally. Concentrate on solving the problem together instead of blaming or criticising them; use positive language to motivate constructive discussion instead.

It is important to actively listen to your partner's perspective to understand their point of view. Repeat what they have said to make sure you have understood them correctly. Respect your partner's feelings and opinions, and avoid interrupting or dismissing their concerns.

If you disagree with their stance, explain your point of view without being dismissive. By following these tips, you can bring up issues respectfully and constructively and hopefully prevent any fights from occurring.

What to do if raising an issue causes a fight?

  • Take a break: If the conversation becomes too heated, it is OK to pause and return to it later. This will give both of you some time to relax and organise your thoughts.
  • Acknowledge your partner's feelings: It is important to recognise your partner's feelings, even if you disagree with them. Let them know that you comprehend why they feel the way they do and try to validate their emotions.
  • Reframe the conversation: Try to reframe the discussion in a less contentious manner. Rather than concentrating on the issue, talk about how you can work together to resolve it.
  • Seek help: If it seems like the same argument keeps happening or communication is hard, seeking aid from a couples therapist could be beneficial.

It is essential to keep communication open in any relationship and work together to come up with solutions for the issues that arise. Though disagreements and fights are a natural part of any relationship, it is important to tackle them with respect and understanding.

Can counselling help you work through issues in a relationship?

Yes, couples counselling can be beneficial for working through issues in a relationship. When seeking out couples counselling, both partners are given a safe and neutral space to express their thoughts and feelings with the help of a trained therapist. This can help them identify the root causes of their conflicts and provide strategies for resolving them. The therapist can also teach communication skills and conflict resolution techniques and help couples work through past traumas or issues affecting their current relationship.

Couples counselling can be beneficial for addressing communication problems, infidelity, trust issues, financial problems, parenting conflicts and more. Through such sessions, couples gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their partner while learning to communicate better with each other and develop skills to manage conflicts effectively.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Counselling Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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Wantage OX12 & Rickmansworth WD3
Written by Hope Therapy & Counselling Services, Offering Counselling, CBT, Hypnotherapy, EMDR & Mindfulness.
Wantage OX12 & Rickmansworth WD3

Ian Stockbridge is the founder and lead counsellor at Hope Therapy and Counselling Services. 

As an experienced Counsellor, Ian recognised a huge societal need for therapeutic services that were often not being met. As such the 'Hope Agency' was born and its counselling team now offers counselling and therapeutic support throughout the UK.

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