Counselling after a break-up or divorce

Couples getting divorced in England and Wales have surged to the highest level in the last few years. But, after living through the pandemic and its aftereffects, is anyone surprised?

The pandemic brought many new changes to our family lives. Jettisoned into new working practices meant many of us had to work from home. This is still the case for lots of us due to more flexible work arrangements. Spending more time in each other’s company unexpectedly has been a real struggle for some families. Familiar routines were and still are (to some extent) up-ended.

There have been losses, cancelled holidays, job insecurity and family finances being reorganised or stretched. For couples living apart, lockdown went one of two ways; it meant they were spending much more time together - or much less.

Dramatic changes are known to be highly stressful and the pandemic is up there with (and sometimes causing) major stressful life events including the death of a loved one, divorce, a house move, major illness or job loss. 

Whatever the reason for your relationship failing, whether it be an affair, conflict over parenting styles, an inability to communicate, sexual or financial issues, a breach of trust, or you simply drifted apart - your counsellor is impartial, non-judgmental, compassionate and full of curiosity, helping you understand the root of your issues so that you can more easily avoid repeating patterns of behaviour that contributed to your relationship break down. If you have been through a legal dispute, this can compound the stress- affecting your emotional well-being.

If you are shouldering the blame for the end of the relationship or you feel you caused the break-up, you may be experiencing guilt or shame that can be incredibly hard to carry alone. On the other hand, you may be carrying a sense of anger following the end of a relationship, getting stuck in a bitter or 'blame-game' loop. This can eat away at you, causing resentment. In counselling, you can explore these feelings, understand them and perhaps gain new perspectives which will help you move on. As much as it is good to talk about your problems, it’s often more effective to talk to a counsellor who will be able to provide a balanced viewpoint, without being clouded by the close involvement that friends and loved ones can have.

The end of a relationship can damage self-esteem and self-confidence. It can disrupt our sense of identity. Counselling can also help you ensure you look after yourself following your break up by offering you a multitude of strategies and teaching you new skills to help you to get through this difficult time and face the future with hope.

This hope may then eventually evolve into a sense of freedom. A counsellor can help you look for new ways to create more enriching and longstanding happiness by letting go of some of the hurt. When you have processed some of the emotions surrounding the break-up of your relationship, you may experience joy and excitement about the new adventures that await.