Nicky Holt

I am now offering counselling in person and online. 

Couples Counselling

Do you find that you and your partner keep getting stuck in familiar patterns of behaviour and communication that are causing you distress and getting in the way of building the connection you long for.  You are not alone.  Relationships can be our greatest fulfilment and our greatest challenge.  With those we love the most we are at our most vulnerable and so when we don’t feel strongly connected we have to find ways to deal with the distress this causes.  Sometimes the things we do to cope can actually make it harder to build that connection and so we get stuck in a negative cycle. 

This is where couple counselling can be transformative.   My work is based on the Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples model and I help couples to slow down the way they interact with each other to really understand the hopes and longings that are behind angry protests or shut down withdrawal.  I help both partners understand a little more about what is going on for them so that they have more choices in how to respond in moments of distress.  When we can ask for what we need in a way that our partner can hear there is a much greater chance that they will listen and respond.

My role is to really understand both of you, and I will never take sides or act as a referee or judge in your relationship. I take the view you are both good people even if you have done hurtful things.  This does not mean I encourage you to tolerate unacceptable behaviour but if we can understand what is driving the behaviour you can make better decisions about whether there can be a way forward for you as a couple.  It is possible to heal even after significant betrayal if you both are prepared to work at it.  Some even experience a stronger connection after this kind of trauma.  For others it may mean a parting of ways but even this can be supported by counselling.  

The single biggest mistake couples make is waiting too long for help, so please don’t hesitate to reach out if any of the above feels relevant to your situation.  I would be really happy to offer a no commitment initial conversation for you both to ask questions and work out if couples therapy could be useful for you.    

I obviously prefer to work with both parties in a couple, but we can do some useful work when just one person is able or willing to attend.  There is great power in understanding how you are in relationships and what your own contribution to your current difficulties may be.  

Individuals:

I hope to offer you a non-judgemental and highly validating space in which to reflect on your personal struggles. Via a process of empathic reflection and radical acceptance, you will gain new perspectives on your situation, greater self-awareness and an understanding of how you have learned to navigate the world. We all carry outdated beliefs and behaviour patterns that no longer serve us and counselling offers us a chance to update these and explore new ways of being that are more helpful in our current environment.  

I am trained in traditional talk therapy in which the client and I engage in dialogue however it can also be very useful to explore other therapeutic methods that help us explore core beliefs that may be a little out of our awareness. I am training in a method known as "Healing the Shadow" which encourages a deep and embodied exploration of different parts of ourselves that we may experience as problematic or disturbing. Rather than attempting to get rid of these parts we can get to know their important motivations, fears and longings. We may then develop a more compassionate and accepting relationship with ourselves that is a key ingredient for therapeutic change. Whilst this is an embodied method (meaning it might include moving around or changing position it does not involve touch). Please see this link for further information.

https://healingtheshadow.co.uk/healing-the-shadow/

I will always discuss with clients how they would prefer to work in our sessions and will fully respect their preferences.

Costs and Practicalities.

I charge £75 for a 90 mins couples session and £50 for individuals. When working with couples I would like to hear from both partners that they are willing to start this process. This can be via e-mail if necessary. We can then meet for an initial session with no commitment to ongoing work. If we agree we are a good fit to work together we will schedule a series of sessions for the coming month and then review this monthly. I will ask that fees are paid at the end of each session.

About me:

I am a fully qualified and experienced counsellor who has worked with individuals for many years dealing with a broad range of mental health, life and relationship issues. I have particular experience in work related counselling and worked for many years for a local NHS Trust supporting their staff. Prior to training as a counsellor, I had over 20 years of experience as a Mental Health Nurse.  In 2019 I  trained  with Relate, the relationship counselling charity and am now offering couple work independently.  I have undertaken further training in Emotionally Focussed Therapy for couples.  I am passionate about this work believing that a good relationship with yourself and others is at the heart of human well-being.

I have limited availability, please contact me to discuss. 

Couples - £75 for a 90 minute session

Keyworkers or those on Low Incomes please ask about a shorter session of 60 minutes charged at £55.00. I am limited to two reduced fee slots at any one time so there may be a short wait list.