Maintaining good communication in relationships: A quick guide

Communication is a cornerstone of healthy relationships, so when issues arise in this area, it can easily lead to misunderstanding, frustration, and conflict. The first step should be to reflect on your own behaviour and communication style. Is there something in the way you are behaving or communicating that is causing the issue? Here are some common causes of problems and what you could do to address them.

Poor listening or attention

• Problem: One or both partners may not be actively listening. This can lead to misunderstandings and a lack of connection.
• Solution: Practice active listening by giving your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and summarising back to your partner what you've heard.

Assumptions and misinterpretations

• Problem: Making assumptions about what the other person means can lead to misinterpretations and misunderstandings.
• Solution: Clarify and ask for clarification. Instead of assuming, seek to understand your partner's perspective by asking open-ended questions and actively listening to their responses.

Non-verbal communication issues

• Problem: Non-verbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions, can be misinterpreted, leading to confusion.
• Solution: Pay attention to non-verbal cues and encourage open discussions about their meanings. Be aware of your own non-verbal communication and its potential impact.

Different communication styles

• Problem: Partners may have different communication styles or preferences, leading to clashes in how they express themselves.
• Solution: Understand and respect each other's communication styles. Discuss preferences and find common ground, incorporating aspects of both styles to enhance understanding.

Avoidance of difficult conversations

• Problem: Some individuals may avoid addressing challenging topics, leading to unresolved issues.
• Solution: Create a safe space for discussing difficult subjects. Choose an appropriate time, use "I" statements, and approach conversations with empathy. Emphasise the importance of resolving issues for the health of the relationship.

Over-reliance on technology

• Problem: If you frequently use digital communication, important nuances can be lost, leading to miscommunication.
• Solution: Balance digital communication with face-to-face conversations. Important discussions are often best handled in person or through video calls to convey emotions and intentions more effectively.

Ineffective conflict resolution

• Problem: Engaging in destructive behaviours during conflicts, such as blaming, criticism, or stonewalling, can hinder resolution.
• Solution: Practice healthy conflict resolution strategies, including active listening, compromise, and finding solutions together. Seek to understand each other's perspectives and work towards mutual resolutions.

Unrealistic expectations

• Problem: Expecting the other person to know what you need without clear communication can lead to disappointment.
• Solution: Clearly express your needs and expectations and check they have been understood. Be open to discussing and negotiating expectations to ensure both partners are on the same page.

Lack of openness and honesty

• Problem: Partners may withhold their true feelings, thoughts, or concerns, fearing potential conflicts or judgment.
• Solution: Foster an environment of trust and openness. Encourage honesty by actively listening without judgment and expressing appreciation for vulnerability.

Taking each other for granted

• Problem: Over time, partners may assume they know each other so well that they stop communicating effectively.
• Solution: Continuously invest in communication. Make an effort to learn about each other's evolving thoughts, feelings, and aspirations. Regularly check-in and express appreciation for each other.

Maintaining good communication in relationships requires ongoing attention, patience, and a commitment to understanding each other. Open, honest, and respectful communication forms the foundation for a strong and enduring connection.

If you feel that your relationship is suffering because of communication issues, a counsellor can be instrumental in helping you to understand the issues and find good solutions.