Coping with grief on a national scale

The death of Queen Elizabeth II is something that you cannot get away from. It is, understandably, across all media outlets. Turn on the TV and it won’t be long until you see something marking what has happened, scroll through social media, pick up a newspaper, put the radio on and there is content relating to the Queen’s death, updates with what is happening, and details of the funeral.

We are a nation in mourning, collectively looking back on 96 years of someone, 70 of those being our head of state. For many of us, it’s a lifetime of the Queen’s Christmas speech, the Queen’s birthday, and the Queen’s jubilee. Queen Elizabeth II was the only monarch we had known and although realistically, we all know that people do not live forever, it feels as though this had somehow been put to the back of our minds and we hoped that Her Majesty would be eternal.

We have been caught up in another storm - while the pandemic storm is only just settling - of huge change and instability. A storm of remembering, sharing stories, grieving that there will be no more new memories. We are experiencing grief but on an enlarged, heightened scale, with a huge outpouring of emotions. It is as though we are grieving, but it is being put under the microscope.

How do you find the resources and a strong enough boat to ride the tidal waves through this storm?

And amongst this national feeling of mass grief are individual emotions, feelings, and memories being sparked and triggered by what we find ourselves in the midst of. We are in a new storm, but we are not all in the same boat or equipped with the same resources. This is what we need to remember. Yes, we are a nation in mourning but some will be finding it an incredibly difficult time to navigate, whereas others will be able to acknowledge the sadness yet remain removed from it, not being drenched by crashing waves of emotion. 

If you are one of those finding yourself deeply moved by current events, experiencing flashbacks to times when you have lost someone close, struggling to watch the news without tears rolling down your cheeks, how do you find the resources and a strong enough boat to ride the tidal waves through this storm?

It is perfectly normal to find yourself taken back to a difficult or upsetting time in your life when something similar happens and especially when it results in an entire nation being in a period of mourning. Don’t be embarrassed to let others know that you’re finding this time upsetting, that it’s reminding you of a time of trauma you have experienced. By sharing with others you not only make them aware but may also help them to know that it’s ok to be deeply affected. It also helps raise conversations that could help you understand how you react to different situations and also how others in your life react.

Be aware of how you are feeling and decide how to keep up to date with events but in a way you can manage and at a time when it is safe for you to feel any emotions that come up.

• Do you need to watch 10 minutes of the six o’clock news with a cuppa?
• Is it better for you to quickly scan the newspapers during your lunch break?
• Would scrolling through a news page online at the start of the day be more appropriate?
• Do you need to avoid as much as possible and only hear the vital pieces of news from others?

It is about working out what fits in with your day and also keeps you safe, allowing you to react however you need to. You don’t have control over what is happening, but you do have control over how much you read or watch about it all and how you respond. You may need to up your time spent exercising, reading, doing some gardening, crafting, meditating or whatever you know helps you relax and also releases any stress, anxiety, anger or sadness you are feeling.

Being aware of how we react to things is important, as it means we can then put measures in place to help us when things become more difficult or when we find ourselves in uncharted territory. Spend some time thinking about what you enjoy and what you find helpful and make time in your day to spend some time doing those things. When we are faced with times like this, it can also help to start or end our day with a few moments of reflection.

Sit somewhere comfortable, relax and spend some time thinking about what you have coming up during the day, how you’re feeling or what you have achieved in the day. If you’re able to, sit somewhere quiet and just let your thoughts happen for a few moments before you gather yourself together and begin or end your day. Taking a few moments like this for mindfulness can act as though you are pressing the reset button and may really help you if you feel as though there is a daily tidal wave of emotion crashing into your boat.

We are a nation in mourning, remembering our Queen, but we are also millions of individuals reacting to something we may not be directly involved in but which is all around us and having a different impact on each of us.

At this time, be aware of how you are feeling, what it is about this time you are struggling with and what you can do to look after yourself whilst you sail through the storm.

If you are experiencing grief and would like further support, you can reach out to me or another qualified professional on Counselling Directory.