Sammy Alattar
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This professional is available for new clients.
This professional is available for new clients.
About me
Hello. I'm Sammy, an experienced, BACP-registered, COSRT-certified integrative psychotherapist, practising in-person from my office by London Fields in Hackney (E8) as well as online.
The main focus of my practice today is Relationship Therapy (also known as couples counselling/therapy), where I see romantic partners as well as family members, friends, co-parents and work partners.
I also still offer Integrative Psychotherapy work to individuals. Please visit my website to learn more and enquire about my individual client work.
Relationship Therapy
Being with others is complicated business, even in the most favourable conditions, despite the most well-prepared of circumstances and with the best of intentions.
There are times when our relationship struggles can be explained by the human condition, the survival pressures of capitalism, the cultural norms of modern civilisation or, what might be considered, natural interpersonal friction.
And yet, there are other moments where we find ourselves profoundly suffering, stuck in unhealthy relationship dynamics and mutually re-enacting our baggage from childhood in well-rehearsed, perhaps, out-of-control dances with other people.
In such situations, what plays out might feel dark, dangerous, chaotic and confusing. Lost in the fog of drama, we might not be getting the helpful wake-up call or reality-check we need to break the cycle and deal with whatever is happening.
Stressed and searching for an explanation, we may be tempted to blame, shame or punish the other person. Neither pointing nor waving the finger brings the relief it promises and, in fact, the opposite happens: things escalate.
On the other hand, it could be that, rather than being embroiled in a visible, visceral fight, a lack of healthy conflict and resolution (rupture and repair) has led to a lifeless, emotional “Cold War”.
Here we might have chosen to silently keep the other person at arm's-length, and vice-versa, poorly deciphering their feelings, motives and behaviours from afar while withholding cooperation, interest, love and positive regard, in a low hum of anxious distrust.
Eventually, whether things have turned savage or inanimate, both parties may find that they are spending the majority of their time together with defences fixed in the "up" position. Locked in their respective protective mechanism(s), a cycle of rejection begins that is as self-fulfilling as it is viscous.
It only takes one person to be triggered into survival mode for two people to feel completely disconnected.
Unmet needs & the need to be seen
In all likelihood, in either of the above scenarios, at least one person feels unseen, unheard or unacknowledged by the other.
It's probable that there is, on some level, an awareness that their needs aren't getting met while in the relationship and of a fear that they won't get those needs met any time soon.
Left unaddressed, with couples what sometimes follows is a sudden, calamitous break-up. In other cases, it will be a single devastating affair or many infidelities, perhaps on both sides.
A common, less dramatic but no less traumatic occurrence is a couple remaining together in a frozen state of codependence, coasting with issues unaddressed and one or both partners becoming depressed, or sliding further into an existing depression or addiction.
In any of these scenarios, the resulting emotional numbness or chronic dysregulation could manifest as new physical health issues - including sexual ones - or the exacerbation of existing ones.
In the case of friends and family members, an estrangement may result, leading to what is known as "complicated grief" for one or both parties.
Elephants in the room: unacknowledged grief & trauma
A largely invisible, hugely underappreciated and incredibly powerful force in relationships is grief.
Consistently, neuroscience and psychotherapy research reveals to us that unacknowledged grief - along with its close relative and co-factor, unprocessed trauma - accounts for the majority of anxiety, depression, anhedonia and chronic health issues people face today.
When traumatic losses are not recognised, or only superficially-so, they remain with a person indefinitely, finding a home in the body and dropping anchor in the psyche, often completely outside of conscious awareness.
When we don't grieve, we can't be fully present in our relationships or feel alive to ourselves. We may struggle to be patient, our empathy blocked.
Contrary to the popular myth, time alone will not heal us.
Grief in relationships
Relationships carry the potential to profoundly help us in processing grief, and in moving on from our trauma, but our loved ones cannot acknowledge what they aren't aware of. We have to acknowledge it is there ourselves first.
It is up to us to communicate our losses and grief to the other person. It is up to them to receive the communication warmly, to not be judgemental, dismissive or ridiculing.
Still, it's not easy to know the territory of grief well enough to be in a position to communicate it, especially when it can be about the relationship, triggered by the relationship and unrelated to but nevertheless impacting on the relationship.
Grief is always an opportunity for deep connection with the other person whilst equally a minefield for deep disconnection.
Where I come in
My job is to help people slow down and focus compassionately on understanding where they are in their relationship, what is happening, how they got here are and how they can move forward.
I help them to find each other again in the fog, to recognise what stress is coming from the relationship itself and what is coming from outside or from within themselves, be it trauma or grief, and to acknowledge one another.
I also support them in finding the courage to be themselves, remember who they are as individuals, and to seek the other's permission to be that person authentically without fear or shame.
It is only from a place of clarity, compassion, respect, mutual appreciation and, ultimately, love that people can move forward, whatever that means.
I'm here to guide people there.
What I specialise in working with
Though I am experienced in helping with a diverse range of issues and situations with clients from a variety of backgrounds, I'm a specialist in working with:
Childhood trauma & complex trauma (its acute form, "C-PTSD", affecting an estimated 20% of the adult population), narcissism & narcissistic abuse, codependence & counter-dependence, personal growth & post-traumatic growth, conflict & setting boundaries, existential crisis, infidelity & betrayal, bereavement, high-sensitivity ("SPS", "HSPs"), parentification, the legacy of emotionally-immature, addicted or dysregulated parents, family issues & estrangement, disenfranchised grief and creative blocks.
Some things that I champion
It's a passion of mine to help people work through the common or universal human experiences that cause untold suffering but that, for one reason or another, our modern society likes to sweep under the carpet (as taboo), or that our culture has little awareness of and no language for.
I am also passionate about helping people understand that umbrella-terms like "addiction", "depression" and "generalised anxiety" give a false impression that these are generic, surface-level "diseases to cure" rather than nuanced coping strategies with a much deeper meaning, and that this fallacy prevents them from getting the help that they need.
Along similar lines, I am also drawn towards helping people truly appreciate what neuro-divergence might be and how it reliably maps to complex trauma from childhood. I look beyond these labelled conditions being psychiatric diagnoses, permanent ways of being or fixed identities.
My practice is kink-aware and queer-friendly.
My therapeutic approach & background
My approach with both relationships and individuals is compassion-focused, trauma-informed, existentially-minded and action-supporting.
Having been trained and now practicing integratively, I'm inspired by and draw upon a number of approaches including humanistic (re-parenting, existential, gestalt, transactional analysis, person-centred), psycho-dynamic (object relations), cognitive (mindfulness, MBT, DBT, ACT), somatic (sensorimotor), trauma-focused approaches (compassionate inquiry, IFS), couples-specific approaches (The Gottman method/imago therapy), psycho-sexual and neuroscience-based approaches (memory reconsolidation). I also weave in my own life experiences and, most important of all, everything I have learned from my client work to-date.
I find this enables me to work from a variety of perspectives in a natural, non-dogmatic way. I don't believe that any single way of looking at things is "the right one". At the same time I recognise that most of the time different schools of therapy use different metaphors that are saying essentially the same thing.
My philosophy for practice is a bio-psycho-social-spiritual one. This means I consider biological, psychological, social (& economic) and spiritual factors to be interconnected and of equal importance in contributing to a person's well-being.
I believe gaining awareness of, giving attention to and focusing efforts on these factors concurrently promotes better, more sustainable and more resilient physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.
The practical side
I see relationship therapy clients in-person at my office in Hackney by London Fields (E8). Occasionally I can accommodate online sessions so long as an in-person way of working is already established.
Rather than committing to a recurring, fixed time as with individuals, with relationship therapy clients I work on an ad-hoc basis. This means sessions (or blocks of sessions) are booked in more flexibly, normally 1-2 weeks in advance.
Sessions take place at the following times:
Tuesdays at 4pm, 5pm & 8pm.
Wednesdays at 4pm, 4.45pm, 5.45pm.
Thursdays at 9.45am, 1pm, 2.15pm, 3.30pm, 4.30pm, 5pm, 6pm and 7pm.
A few words on my personal background
Previously I had an office-based career, as well as periods of working in hospitality, in kitchens, for small charities and as a musician.
Though born and raised in the UK, I am mixed-ethnicity, of British, Iraqi and Iranian heritage, and have lived experience of growing up in an intercultural environment.
I run workshops on themes loosely-related to the field of psychotherapy, and also work for a welfare and harm-reduction charity providing on-site psychological and emotional support to festival workers, volunteers and attendees.
My London Fields practice
Address: Therapy Rooms, St Joseph's Hospice, Mare St, London, E8 4SA
Nearest stations: Cambridge Heath (7 min walk), London Fields (8 min), Bethnal Green (14 min)
Buses: 26, 55, 106, 254, D6
Parking: Halfway down Victoria Park Rd close to the park entrance there is free parking after midday. Also paid parking on Beck Rd.
How do we get started with relationship therapy?
The first step is to send me a message. We'll then arrange a free consultation. Depending on your availability and/or preference, this can be either 30 mins together (online, from the same device) or 15 mins each separately by phone.
During the consultation we'll get acquainted, I'll hear what brings you to therapy and about what your goals are, we'll discuss my approach, you'll ask me any questions you might have and we'll talk through the practical side of working together.
From there we'll book a first session in, aiming to meet at the earliest opportunity.
If you feel you'd be better matched with a different therapist then I will gladly assist you, where I can, in finding someone more suitable.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Training, qualifications & experience
I am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP) and have been practising since Autumn 2019.
I hold an BACP-accredited Advanced Diploma in Humanistic Integrative Counselling from CPPD (2021) and a COSRT-accredited Certificate in Couples / Relationship Therapy from The Grove (2022).
I have further specialist training in working with Suicide, Trauma, Eating Disorders, CBT, Eco Therapy, the Neuroscience of Attachment and Group Therapy.
I'm currently completing further long-term training in Compassionate Inquiry, a modality created by Gabor Maté.
Member organisations
BACP is one of the UK’s leading professional bodies for counselling and psychotherapy with around 60,000 members. The Association has several different categories of membership, including Student Member, Individual Member, Registered Member MBACP, Registered Accredited Member MBACP (Accred) and Senior Registered Accredited Member MBACP (Snr Acccred). Registered and accredited members are listed on the BACP Register, which shows that they have demonstrated BACP’s recommended standards for training, proficiency and ethical practice. The BACP Register was the first register of psychological therapists to be accredited by the Professional Standards Authority (PSA). Accredited and senior accredited membership are voluntary categories for members who choose to undertake a rigorous application and assessment process to demonstrate additional standards around practice, training and supervision. Individual members will have completed an appropriate counselling or psychotherapy course and started to practise, but they won’t appear on the BACP Register until they've demonstrated that they meet the standards for registration. Student members are still in the process of completing their training. All members are bound by the BACP Ethical Framework and a Professional Conduct Procedure.
Accredited register membership
The Accredited Register Scheme was set up in 2013 by the Department of Health (DoH) as a way to recognise organisations that hold voluntary registers which meet certain standards. These standards are set by the Professional Standards Authority (PSA).
This therapist has indicated that they belong to an Accredited Register.
Areas of counselling I deal with
Other areas of counselling I deal with
- Death anxiety & fear of death
- Feelings of emptiness & apathy
- Social phobia, isolation & exclusion
- Insomnia
- Negative thoughts & imposter syndrome
- Intrusive thoughts
- Mixed-race issues
- Racism and prejudice
- Neurodiversity
- Highly sensitive persons (HSP)
- Difficult parental relationships
- Narcissism, narcissistic parents, narcissistic partner and narcissistic abuse
- Complex trauma / complex PTSD (C-PTSD)
- Unmanagable burdens
- Conflict and conflict avoidance
- Addiction recovery
- Porn addiction
- Workaholism
- Body image issues
- Business relationships
- Communication issues
- Lack of emotional or sexual intimacy
- Affairs & betrayals
- Separation & divorce
- Personal development
- Procrastination and writer's block,
- Skin conditions
- Physical & chronic health issues
- Chronic pain
- Psycho-somatic pain
- Disordered eating and exercising
- Health anxiety
- Boarding school syndrome
- Mid-life crisis
- Eco anxiety and climate-change anxiety
- Processing spiritual/psychedelic experiences
- Migration-related stress
- Sex worker support
Therapies offered
Photos & videos
Fees
£75.00 - £120.00
Free initial telephone or online session
Additional information
Clients pay by bank transfer (BACS / Monzo) or cash.
My fees:
- Individuals - £75 per 50 minute session
- Couples
- £90 per 60 minute session
- £120 per 80 minute session
- Sensitive Masculinity group - £30 per 90 minute session.
When I work
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My in-person hours: Tuesdays 2-9pm, Wednesdays 3-9pm & Thursdays from 9.45am-7pm.
My online hours: Mondays 10am-8pm, Tuesdays 11am-1pm, Wednesdays 10am-2pm & Fridays 9am-2pm
