About me
Hello. I'm Sammy, an experienced, BACP-registered, COSRT-certified couples therapist and integrative psychotherapist.
I work in-person in East London (London Fields, Hackney, E8) as well as online.
The main focus of my practice today (and this profile) is Relationship Therapy (a.k.a. couples counselling/therapy), where I see romantic partners as well as family members, friends, ex-partners, co-parents, creative partners and work partners.
I also still offer Integrative Psychotherapy work to individuals. Takes place in-office, online or as walking therapy. Visit my website to learn more and enquire about my individual client work.
Relationship Therapy
Being with others is complicated business, even in the most favourable conditions and with the best of intentions.
There are moments when relationship struggles can mostly be put down to the human condition, the perpetual survival pressures of capitalism, the cultural norms of modern civilisation or, what might be considered, natural interpersonal friction.
And yet, at other times we may find ourselves profoundly suffering, stuck in unhealthy relationship dynamics and mutually re-enacting our baggage from childhood in well-rehearsed, though perhaps, out-of-control dances with other people.
In such situations, what plays out might feel dark, dangerous, chaotic or confusing. Lost in the fog of drama, we might not be getting the wake-up call or reality-check we need to break the cycle, to name and deal with whatever is happening.
Stressed and searching for answers, it's tempting to blame, shame, punish, control, compete with or ignore the other person. Winning arguments (or claiming moral high-ground) can inadvertently become prized over actually solving problems.
Seemingly irreconcilable differences may give rise to a tit-for-tat mode of relating where "why should I care about your _______ when you don't care about my _______? and "how you've treated me is worse than any way I've treated you" form the attitude that drives communication, body language, thoughts and actions.
On the other hand, it could be that, rather than being embroiled in visible, visceral fighting, a lack of healthy conflict and resolution (rupture and repair) has led to a lifeless stalemate.
Locked in a emotional "Cold War", we might choose to silently keep the other person at arm's-length, and vice-versa, poorly deciphering their feelings, motives and behaviours from afar while withholding cooperation, interest, affection and positive regard, in a low hum of anxious distrust.
Eventually, whether things have turned savage or inanimate, both parties may find that they are spending the majority of their time together with defences fixed in the "up" position. As soon as respective protective mechanisms become habit, a cycle of rejection takes hold that is as self-fulfilling as it is viscous.
It only takes one person to be triggered into survival mode for two people to feel completely disconnected.
Unmet needs & chronic invisibility
In all likelihood, in either of the above scenarios, at least one person feels unseen, unheard, misunderstood or unacknowledged by the other.
It's probable that there is, on some level, an awareness that their needs aren't getting met while in the relationship and of a fear that they won't get those needs met any time soon.
Left unaddressed, with couples what sometimes follows is a sudden, calamitous break-up. In other cases, it will be a single devastating affair or many infidelities, perhaps on both sides.
A common, less dramatic but no less traumatic occurrence is a couple remaining together in a frozen state of codependence, coasting with issues unaddressed and one or both partners becoming depressed, or sliding further into an existing depression or addiction.
In any of these scenarios, the resulting emotional numbness or chronic dysregulation could manifest as new physical health issues - including sexual ones - or the exacerbation of existing ones.
Especially in the case of friends and family members, an estrangement may result, leading to what is known as "complicated grief" for one or both parties.
Elephants in the room: frozen grief & relational trauma
A largely invisible, hugely underappreciated and incredibly powerful force in relationships is frozen grief.
Consistently, neuroscience and psychotherapy research reveals to us that frozen (unacknowledged) grief - along with its close relative and co-factor, unprocessed trauma - accounts for the majority of anxiety, depression, anhedonia and chronic health issues people face today.
When traumatic losses are not recognised, or only superficially-so, they remain with a person indefinitely, finding a home in the body and dropping anchor in the psyche, often completely outside of conscious awareness.
When we don't grieve, we can't be fully present in our relationships or feel alive to ourselves. With our empathy cut-off, we may struggle to be patient with ourselves, let alone someone else.
Contrary to the popular myth, time alone will not heal us.
Processing grief & healing trauma in relationships
Relationships carry the potential to profoundly help us in processing grief, and in moving on from our trauma, but our loved ones cannot acknowledge what they aren't aware of. We have to acknowledge it is there ourselves first.
It is up to us to communicate our losses and grief to the other person. And it is on them to receive the communication warmly, to not be judgemental, dismissive or ridiculing.
Still, it's not easy to know the territory of grief well enough to be in a position to communicate it, especially when it can be about the relationship, triggered by the relationship and unrelated to but nevertheless impacting on the relationship.
Grief is always an opportunity for deep connection with the other person whilst equally a minefield for deep disconnection.
Where I come in
My job is to help people slow down and focus compassionately on understanding where they are in their relationship, what is happening, how they got here are and how they can move forward.
I help them to find each other again in the fog of war, to recognise what pain is coming from the relationship itself and what is coming from outside or from within themselves, be it trauma or grief, and to acknowledge one another.
I also support them in finding the courage to be themselves, remember who they are as individuals, and to seek the other's permission to be that person authentically without fear or shame. That includes the courage to be fallible humans who might not get things right first time and whose progress may naturally involve them taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back.
I assist them in clarifying and choosing the path ahead, however rocky the road will be, and walk them through whatever process they need to follow, while also holding both parties accountable to holding themselves accountable.
When necessary, in order to help, I challenge my clients in ways that can be uncomfortable. In this work candid feedback is one of the most powerful instruments we have, whether that is coming from me (to one or both of you) or it's one of you delivering it to your partner.
In this work, I strive to be as bold and as courageous as I am grounded, methodical and containing, and aim to create an environment where we can be as kind as we can be yet fully honest with one another.
It is only from a place of clarity, compassion, respect, sincerity, mutual appreciation and, ultimately, love that people can make it to where they need to go.
I'm here to guide people there.
What I specialise in
While experienced in helping clients of different age groups from a variety of backgrounds with a wide range of issues and situations, I'm a specialist in:
Complex trauma (childhood / relational / attachment trauma, "C-PTSD"), narcissism & narcissistic abuse / neglect, codependence / enmeshment & counter-dependence, infidelity & betrayal, blocks to creativity & the creative process, disenfranchised & frozen grief, healthy & toxic shame ("the shadow"), guilt-tripping & guilt complex, childhood scapegoating, unhealthy & healthy conflict, unconscious fears, repressed anger & rage, setting boundaries & assertiveness, self-respect & respecting others, personal growth & post-traumatic growth, trust issues, existential crisis & "dark night of the soul", high-sensitivity ("SPS"/"HSPs"), inferiority / superiority complex, the 6P's of coping (pleasure-seeking, pain-avoidance, people-pleasing, procrastination, performing & perfectionism), obsessive thinking, chronic disappointment, psychosomatic illness & symptoms, family estrangement, the legacy of narcissistic, emotionally-immature, addicted, absent or dysregulated parents, parentification & emotional incest, sibling abuse, ontological shock, meaning-making, defining values & finding purpose, unlocking desire, exploring sexuality, developing playfulness / sense of humour & self-discipline.
Some things that I champion
It's a passion of mine to help people work through the common or universal human experiences that cause untold suffering but that, for one reason or another, our modern society likes to sweep under the carpet (as taboo), or that our culture has little awareness of and no language for.
I am also passionate about helping people understand that umbrella-terms like "addiction", "depression" and "generalised anxiety" give a false impression that these are generic, surface-level "diseases to cure" or "live with" rather than nuanced coping strategies with a much deeper meaning, and that this fallacy prevents them from getting the help that they need in addressing the root cause.
Along similar lines, I am also inspired to help people appreciate how most of what is these days termed innate "neuro-divergence" actually emerges in childhood, is exacerbated in adulthood, is encouraged by the modern world we live in and fits the mould of trauma-induced chronic hypervigilance.
I stand firmly against psychiatry's use of disempowering, misleading diagnostic buckets and labels, such as "ADHD", "OCD" and "BPD", as their means of mass-producing treatment plans, encouraging long-term dependency on pharmaceutical drugs and denying people the right to recovery.
My therapeutic approach & philosophy
My approach to both relationship and individual therapy is compassion-focused, relational, trauma-informed, existentially-minded, grief-supporting, action-enabling, as well as being a creative and playful one.
Having been trained and now practicing integratively, I'm inspired by and draw upon a number of approaches including humanistic (re-parenting, existential, gestalt, transactional analysis, person-centred), psycho-dynamic (object relations), cognitive (mindfulness, mentalisation, socratic method, metacognition, DBT, ACT), somatic (sensorimotor), trauma-focused approaches (Compassionate Inquiry, IFS), couples-specific approaches (The Gottman Method/imago therapy, emotionally-focused), psycho-sexual and neuroscience-based approaches (memory reconsolidation).
I also weave in my own life experiences and, most important of all, everything I have learned in my years of client work.I find this enables me to work holding a variety of perspectives in a natural, non-dogmatic way. I don't believe that any single way of looking at things is "the right one".
At the same time I recognise that most of the time different schools of therapy use different metaphors that are essentially saying the same thing and speaking to the same universal truths. My philosophy for practice is a bio-psycho-social-spiritual one.
This means I consider biological, psychological, social (& economic) and spiritual factors to be interconnected and of equal importance in contributing to a person's well-being.I believe gaining awareness of, giving attention to and focusing efforts on these factors concurrently promotes better, more sustainable and more resilient physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.
The practical side
I see relationship therapy clients in-person at my office in East London (London Fields, Hackney, E8). Occasionally I can accommodate online sessions so long as an in-person way of working is already established.
Rather than committing to a recurring, fixed time as is typical with individuals, with relationship therapy clients I work on an ad-hoc basis. This means sessions (or blocks of several sessions) are booked, normally 1-2 weeks in advance.
Relationship sessions take place at the following times:
Tuesdays at 12pm, 3pm, 5pm, 7pm & 8pm.
Thursdays at 1pm, 2.15pm, 3.30pm, 4.30pm, 5pm, 6pm , 7pm and 8pm.
A few words on my personal background
Previously I had an office-based career, as well as periods of working in hospitality, in kitchens, in the events industry, for small charities, in the care sector and as a musician.
Though born and raised in the UK in the North West of England, I am mixed-ethnicity, of British, Iraqi and Iranian heritage, and grew up in an intercultural, interfaith (Atheist, Christian, Shia Islamic) environment.
I run creative workshops on themes loosely-related to the field of psychotherapy and also volunteer my time for a drug welfare and harm-reduction charity providing on-site psychological, emotional and substance-use related support to festival workers, volunteers and attendees.
My London Fields practice
Address: Therapy Rooms, St Joseph's Hospice, Mare St, London, E8 4SA
Nearest stations: Cambridge Heath (7 min walk), London Fields (8 min), Bethnal Green (14 min)
Buses: 26, 55, 106, 254, D6
Parking: Halfway down Victoria Park Rd close to the park entrance there is free parking after midday. Also paid parking on Beck Rd.
How do we get started with relationship therapy?
The first step is to send me a message. We'll then arrange a no-fee consultation. Depending on your availability and/or preference, this can be 30 mins together (online, from the same device) or 15 mins each (separately, by phone).
During the consultation we'll get acquainted and you'll tell me more about what brings you to therapy, and any goals you have for the work. I'll then ask questions to help clarify the challenges you're facing and you will get a feel for how I work. We'll discuss my approach and I'll give some feedback on what specific kind of support I think you need, as well as what that will look like. You'll ask me any remaining questions you have and, finally, we'll talk through the practical side of working together.
From there, if you wish to proceed, we'll book a first session in, aiming to meet at the earliest opportunity.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Sammy
Training, qualifications & experience
I am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP), have worked with clients since Autumn 2019, qualified in Summer 2021 and have been practising full-time since.
I hold an BACP-accredited Advanced Diploma in Humanistic Integrative Counselling from CPPD (2021) and a COSRT-accredited Certificate in Couples / Relationship Therapy from The Grove (2022).
I have further specialist training in working with Suicide, Trauma, Eating Disorders, CBT, Eco Therapy, the Neuroscience of Attachment and Group Therapy. I have also attended trainings in trauma-focused approaches such as Compassionate Inquiry (Gabor Maté).
Member organisations
BACP is one of the UK’s leading professional bodies for counselling and psychotherapy with around 60,000 members. The Association has several different categories of membership, including Student Member, Individual Member, Registered Member MBACP, Registered Accredited Member MBACP (Accred) and Senior Registered Accredited Member MBACP (Snr Acccred). Registered and accredited members are listed on the BACP Register, which shows that they have demonstrated BACP’s recommended standards for training, proficiency and ethical practice. The BACP Register was the first register of psychological therapists to be accredited by the Professional Standards Authority (PSA). Accredited and senior accredited membership are voluntary categories for members who choose to undertake a rigorous application and assessment process to demonstrate additional standards around practice, training and supervision. Individual members will have completed an appropriate counselling or psychotherapy course and started to practise, but they won’t appear on the BACP Register until they've demonstrated that they meet the standards for registration. Student members are still in the process of completing their training. All members are bound by the BACP Ethical Framework and a Professional Conduct Procedure.
Accredited register membership
The Accredited Register Scheme was set up in 2013 by the Department of Health (DoH) as a way to recognise organisations that hold voluntary registers which meet certain standards. These standards are set by the Professional Standards Authority (PSA).
This therapist has indicated that they belong to an Accredited Register.
Areas of counselling I deal with
Other areas of counselling I deal with
- Death anxiety & fear of death
- Feelings of emptiness & apathy
- Social phobia, isolation & exclusion
- Insomnia
- Negative thoughts & imposter syndrome
- Intrusive thoughts
- Mixed-race issues
- Racism and prejudice
- Highly sensitive persons (HSP)
- Difficult parental relationships
- Narcissism, narcissistic parents, narcissistic partner and narcissistic abuse
- Complex trauma / "complex PTSD" ("C-PTSD")
- Conflict and conflict avoidance
- Addiction recovery
- Porn addiction
- Workaholism
- Body image issues
- Business relationships
- Communication issues
- Lack of emotional or sexual intimacy
- Affairs & betrayals
- Separation & divorce
- Personal development
- Procrastination
- Creative avoidance & writer's block
- Skin conditions
- Physical & chronic health issues
- Psycho-somatic pain
- Disordered eating and exercising
- Health anxiety
- Boarding school syndrome
- Quarter-life & mid-life crisis
- Processing spiritual/psychedelic experiences
- Migration-related stress
- Sex worker support
- Lifestyle changes
- Childhood sexual abuse
Therapies offered
Photos & videos
Fees
£90.00 - £135.00
Additional information
Clients pay ahead by bank transfer (BACS / Monzo) or cash on arrival.
My fees:
- Couples
- £90 per 60 minute session
- £120 per 80 minute session
- £135 per 90 minute session
- Individuals
- In-person - £80 per 50 minute session.
- Online - £80 per 50 minute session.
- Walking - £50 per 45 minute session.
- Sensitive Masculinity group - £30 per 90 minute session.
When I work
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