If you’re exploring therapy for relationship issues, you may have come across relational therapy, also known as the ‘relational approach’. This type of therapy focuses specifically on how your relationships shape your thoughts, feelings, actions, and sense of self. Understanding these patterns can be a helpful step towards building more supportive and fulfilling connections.
On this page, you’ll discover what relational therapy is, which issues it can help, and whether this approach may suit you.
What is relational therapy?
Relational therapy (sometimes called ‘relational psychotherapy’ or ‘relational counselling’) is based on the idea that we are shaped through our past and present relationships with others.
The main focus is on how your relationships can sculpt your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, rather than looking at these in isolation. This approach also considers how you relate to other people in your life, which helps you notice patterns in your relationships that may feel unhelpful or hard to shift.
How does relational therapy work?
The relational approach works by helping you notice and understand patterns in how you relate to others, so you can begin to respond differently over time.
Together with your therapist, you might explore:
- How you connect with others
- Your emotional responses within relationships, such as how you respond to closeness, conflict, or distance
- How your expectations may have been shaped by your past experiences
- Patterns that seem to repeat themselves in your relationships
- Ways you tend to connect, withdraw, or protect yourself in relationships
- How you relate to yourself
Some of the main ideas in the relational approach include:
- Building awareness of your relational patterns
- Exploring your emotions in the context of relationships
- Understanding how past experiences influence your current interactions
- Trying new ways of relating in a safe and supportive setting
Therapy doesn’t just provide you with a safe space to talk – the relationship with your therapist is also a key part of the process. This is because, as the relationship between you and your therapist develops, patterns in the way you relate to others may naturally repeat themselves in your interactions with your counsellor. This gives you the opportunity to notice, explore, and understand these patterns more clearly with your therapist's support and guidance, and to try out new ways of responding.
Over time, this process can help you feel more aware of your responses and become more flexible in your relationships.
What issues can relational therapy help with?
Relationship therapy can help with a broad range of experiences, including:
- difficulties in romantic relationships
- family conflicts or communication challenges
- repeated patterns, such as people-pleasing, fear of closeness, or withdrawal
- difficulties with trust
- challenges with boundaries
- low self-esteem or identity concerns
- anxiety or depression linked to relationships
This form of therapy can be particularly helpful if you notice patterns that feel hard to change on your own.
What happens in a relational therapy session?
Relational therapy sessions are usually collaborative conversations, guided by what feels most important to you.
Your therapist will help you to explore both current and previous relationships, as well as whatever comes up for you in the moment. They may share any patterns they notice, ask reflective questions, help you stay with difficult emotions as they arise, or offer different perspectives. These topics are shared without any judgment and come from a place of curiosity to help you understand yourself better.
So, during sessions, you might:
- Talk about any recent or ongoing relationship challenges
- Explore how you tend to respond emotionally in different situations or with different people
- Reflect on your past experiences and consider how they might be influencing your current behaviours
- Try expressing your thoughts or feelings in new ways that may be more constructive and helpful for you
Who might benefit from relationship counselling?
You might consider seeking out a relationship counsellor if you:
- notice repeating patterns in your relationships
- feel that relationships are difficult or emotionally draining
- find it hard to trust, open up, or be close to others
- feel like boundaries in relationships are complicated
- tend to put other people's needs before your own
- feel disconnected from yourself or from others
- tend to lose your sense of self in relationships
- want to understand how your past experiences may be affecting your current relationships
- want to explore your current relationship more deeply.
In general, the relational approach can be helpful for exploring your responses in relationships, whether you’re attending therapy on your own or as a couple.
Things to consider
Relational therapy focuses on your experiences in relationships, which may sometimes feel highly personal or vulnerable. Because of this, it often helps to go in with some idea of what to expect.
You may find that sessions involve:
- exploring emotions that feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar
- talking through your past and present relationships, including the not-so-good experiences
- taking time to notice patterns and understand yourself better, rather than making quick or sudden changes.
The whole process involves being open to self-reflection and gradually building self-awareness.
Finding a relational therapist
Relational therapy isn’t about fixing relationships overnight. It’s a process of understanding the patterns that shape your close bonds, so you can begin to find new ways to connect with yourself and others.
Working with a therapist trained in the relational approach offers a safe space to explore your experiences, understand relationship patterns that may feel stuck, and build more meaningful connections.
If you’re considering therapy for relationship issues, reaching out to a qualified relational therapist can be a useful next step. Counselling Directory lists verified counsellors and therapists across the UK, including relational therapists, making it easy for you to find the right support.
Content attribution
This article was written by Hayley Snelling, a qualified counsellor and well-being and body confidence coach, as well as a professional writer at PsychWrite.
The content was commissioned by Counselling Directory.
