How to have healthy relationships

Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Kate Megase MBACP, Registered and Accredited

15th June, 20160 Comments

Related information: Relationship issues, Low self-esteem

Everyone deserves to find love. Even if you have experienced many disappointments in the past such as unfaithful partners, dishonesty, anxiety or even rejection, this should not discourage you from your heart's desire.

Sometimes, if you have had several bad relationships then it is wise to take some time out and find yourself again. There is nothing worse than having frequent rebound relationships. Taking time out especially after a bad break up, will enable you to avoid making the mistakes which have been made in previous relationships, deal with the emotional pain and rebuild your confidence.

Remember that your past doesn't determine your future. Just because you have experienced a negative childhood or bad experiences, your future does not have to be the same. 

 Here are some useful relationship tips: 

• Start investing more time in yourself instead of making others your main focus. 

• Having an intimate relationship with someone special is a beautiful thing. But do not view this as a fantasy, it requires work, as you need to be at peace with yourself to get the best from relationships. 

• Never be in a rush to get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. You will only have doubts later on, which could lead to anxiety and self-doubt.

• Before pursuing a relationship, it is best to get to know your spouse very well, as this helps you to understand the dynamics of what you are getting yourself into.

• Ensure that you ask for what you need in a relationship and get these needs met. Otherwise, you will always be fulfilling the other person's needs.

• Never work hard for love, physically, emotionally, or financially. Love is reciprocal. 

• You are more likely to receive less love when you love too much, in which case, the focus is on your spouse and will always be the dynamic of the relationship. 

• Never give too much of yourself to please someone sexually. If you want to be respected, please begin to respect yourself. Sex is sex and not love, not valuing your body is not going make someone love you more. 

• Stop your sabotaging behaviour, which is actually working against yourself.

• Avoid being needy, learn to enjoy your own company.

• Avoid spouses that are emotionally unavailable, it is hard work and you deserve better.

• Learn to love and appreciate who you are, instead of comparing yourself to others. 

• Never let another person determine your happiness, as this gives the person power over your emotions.

• Begin to enjoy and appreciate your life.