7 Steps to Improving Your Self Esteem When a Relationship Ends.

Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Marilyn Wright

9th February, 20120 Comments

Related information: Relationship issues, Low self-esteem

Your sense of self esteem can be very low when a relationship ends, whether you were the one who ended it or the one who was on the receiving end.

The following steps can help you to build up a sense of self esteem. They are not easy and require a commitment to getting to know who you are in a new way.

Decide to change! Discover what destructive patterns of behaviour you are using and do something different. This may take trial and error. Talking it through with others in a group or with a counsellor may help. Discover your relationship patterns. What patterns emerge from your relationships? This can be applied to partners, friends, and other types of relationships. What relationships help you to feel good about yourself, and which leave you feeling unsure about yourself and your skills?

Do you have toxic friends? What needs to change to change these relationships? Change the way you look at yourself. Instead of playing a self critical tape in your head when something goes wrong, look at what you did well and what you have learnt from mistakes. List all the positive things about yourself. What do your friends like about you? What are you good at? Make the positive voice in your head louder than the critical one. Let others know what you are good up. Shut off the nagging voice that says it is not okay to be conceited or big headed! Tell yourself that it is okay to let others know what you are good at. Make positive statements about yourself. Accept genuine compliments and give genuine compliments. Shut off the voice that says ‘what are they after’, or ‘I’ll become big headed’. Compliments are good. They can help us feel appreciated. So give and receive in abundance. Make a decision to do something different. If you feel no-one talks to you at work, go in smiling and say ‘hello’. Keep it up even if you don’t get a response immediately and see what happens over time. Be assertive. Learn to communicate your thoughts and feelings in a way that is respectful to both you and respectful to the other person.