Relationship and Couple Counselling

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Relationship and Couple Counselling can help improve the way we relate to the people around us. Our sense of identity and self-worth rests on the strength of our relationships and often we despair when they fail.

Couple Work can offer a new perspective on current problems. Our close relationships are based on intimacy and trust. When they stop working we are affected deeply and our health and happiness suffer.

Pressures of work, family, money and health all take their toll. Suddenly the relationship that re-charged us leaves us drained and disappointed.

Patterns of behaving that we learned as children often re-emerge in our adult relationships. A childhood ‘scapegoat’ may start to feel blamed for everything by the partner who once adored them.

When is the right time for Couple Counselling?

There has been a betrayal of trust; an affair, debt or secret.
Communication goes round in circles
Talking causes confusion or unbearable anger
Separation or Divorce seem like the only option
Desire has gone or sex is no fun
Arguments and bickering goes on and on…..

If possible, attend together unless there is domestic violence or fear. Counselling can be undertaken with one partner if that feels more comfortable.

Relationship counselling can offer the chance to examine our patterns of interacting with those around us; to allow us to lead healthier and happier lives. We can improve our relationships with work colleagues, friends or an intimate partner when we make conscious choices and learn new skills.

Relationships need solid foundations; two unhappy people with unresolved issued rarely make a long-term happy relationship. It may be tempting to feel that our partner or colleague can compensate for earlier pain and loss, but this hope often leads to further disappointment.

Enter a relationship as healthily as possible for the best chance of long-term happiness. The pleasure is in wanting to be someone rather than the tension of feeling needy and dependent.

Self-respect and liking oneself are the important ingredients for a good relationship. If they are in short supply you may consider counselling to address them.

Individual work may help you move on following a separation or bereavement.

How can Relationship Counselling help?

Destructive patterns of relating can be recognised and addressed
Conflict and communication can be improved
New relationship skills can be learned
Change and strong emotions can be examined
Relationships can be more successful
Abusive relationships and domestic violence can be acknowledged

Managing conflict, arguments and rows are the foundation stones to a good relationship. It is unrealistic to hope that differences can be avoided.

Two people each come with values and beliefs and both must be heard and acknowledged for both to thrive. This means developing the skills to balance both partners’ needs, negotiate effectively and to deal with conflict.

Differences can be acknowledged; otherwise we merge and one partner is unheard. If a couple cannot deal with differences then often one dominates and the other is swallowed up. Arguments are a healthy and essential part of any relationship and can energise them. Indirect anger and domestic violence are destructive.

Counselling can help with understanding the messages about conflict that we may have inherited from our family we grew up in and offer new skills.

Communication and staying connected during difficult times can be difficult. When two people no longer relate, their relationship is in crisis. Often a betrayal of some type follows; an affair or a secret debt as the breakdown is acted out. Skills are available to help you listen and be heard, particularly when the unbearable needs to be heard and acknowledged.

This is the classic time when couples seek help. Often a new depth of understanding can be reached or a couple may feel they must separate.

Separation & Divorce Counselling can help explore whether the relationship can be rebuilt or can allow the couple to split with more understanding and less hostility.

Content produced by Denise Pickup MBACP

Further Info & Advice

Men & Love Relationships

The 5 C’s of Successful Relationships

Divorce as the 'Good Enough' Option.

Couple Therapy/ How do we pick the other half?

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