Men’s Health Awareness Week last week started a discussion about men and mental health – but will this inspire long-term changes in the way people think and react to mental health problems in men, or will it just be forgotten?

One man who participated in the awareness week was men’s group coordinator Kenny D’Cruz. Kenny developed mental health problems after travelling to Britain as a refugee from Uganda.

When his father was declared an enemy of the state, he, his younger brother and his mother flew to Britain while his father had to be smuggled out of the country. His father’s parting words at the airport were ‘You are the head of the family now, you must look after your brother and mother.’

For a young child that is an impossible demand, and one which Kenny carried around for months as they made their way through a series of refugee detention centres, wondering if they’d ever see their husband and father again.

Nine months later, their father made it to safety but the children were already showing signs of prolonged emotional trauma. Life went on but money was tight and Kenny exerted so much energy trying to keep his parents and brother clean, fed and healthy that his anxiety manifested as OCD – paving the way for a lifetime’s struggle with mental health problems.

Kenny’s story highlights the pressure all too often put on young boys to ‘man up’. Research shows boys are socialised in a different way to girls. Male infants who show sadness and anxiety tend to be reprimanded, while displays of anger and aggression are seen as more acceptable. The opposite is true for girls. This sets in place a behavioural pattern that continues throughout adulthood and makes men more inclined to take solitary, drastic steps to manage their problems as opposed to talking with friends or seeking help.

While men are generally no more likely to suffer mental health problems than women, it is thought that they are less likely to seek help.

Discussions last week gave organisation Men’s Minds Matter a chance to talk about their idea for a Men’s Institute. By creating support networks for men within communities, they hope to reduce isolation and help men cope with the demands of modern living.

Whoever you are, whatever sex you happen to be – talking about how you feel is often the way out. You can use this directory to find out more about mental health problems and how to contact a counsellor. Please visit our Types of Distress page for more information.

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Could sleeping away from your partner improve your quality of sleep and overall health – or would it encourage an emotional disconnection?

When you get into bed at night with your other half do you breathe a sigh of relief in anticipation of a lovely rest, or do you grimace at the thought of snoring, late night tweeting and trips to the bathroom keeping you up all night? For many couples, it’s the latter.

A survey carried out in 2005 in America revealed that almost one in four couples sleep in separate beds so they can get a good night’s sleep. While to some this idea may sound extreme, there is no doubt that getting enough sleep is integral to our health.

The British guru of sleep studies, Dr Neil Stanley does not share a bed with his wife and praises the idea of separate beds. In his studies he has discovered that couples suffer from an average of 50% more sleep disturbances if they share a bed.

It has been shown that these kinds of sleep disturbances can affect instances of depression, heart disease, stroke and respiratory failure. It is even disproportionately correlated with divorce.

Not only this, but a lack of sleep can make women put on weight. A study involving 70,000 women showed that those getting five or fewer hours of sleep a night were a third more likely to gain 33lb or more than sound sleepers.

So why did we even start sleeping together in the first place? This cultural development is a fairly recent one, growing from the industrial revolution when families moved to the cities and were short of living space. Even the Romans kept one bed for sex and another separate bed for sleeping.

But what would separate beds do for our relationships? One family therapist expresses concern: “The biggest problem in every couple is disconnection. And this decreases intimacy. It starts with, ‘I’m going to take this kid here and you can take the other one there.” And sleeping in separate beds does involve physical distance, which can lead to emotional distance. “A logical decision in one area has consequences in other areas.”

If you are struggling with sleeping arrangements or any other aspects of your relationship, seeking help from a relationship counsellor could help you get back on track – whether that’s in separate beds or together. For more information, please see our Relationship Issues page.

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A new iPhone app claims to be able to help the modern world’s digital addiction by encouraging us to reconnect to the real world.

If you were being honest with yourself, how many times a day would you say you looked at your smartphone? Once every couple of hours? Or is it more like once every 20 minutes?

According to technology maven Mary Meeker, the average smartphone user checks their phone 150 times a day. Since Mary’s report was published there have been questions regarding her data (or lack thereof), but is her estimation that far away from reality?

A new app designed by Polidea aims to help us reduce the amount of time we spend ‘wired in’ by encouraging us to take digital breaks. At first glance the app, which is called ‘Pause’, appears to be the definition of contradiction – an app to break app addiction, but could it work?

Pause has been developed with the goal of reconnecting us to real life by prompting us to set our phones to Airplane mode [sic] for a set amount of time. The app asks you to enter in what you plan to do instead (read a book, go for a walk, see a friend etc.) and then tracks how long you keep your phone on Airplane mode.

The Airplane setting on smartphones disconnects you from the Internet, sends any calls to voicemail and holds any texts or emails for you until you return. In today’s fast paced world many of us feel constantly switched on, whether we’re checking work emails on a Sunday morning or broadcasting to the world what we ate for breakfast. So in theory, the idea of pausing every now and then sounds appealing. But is an app the best way to do this?

Pause has added another facet to their design with a gamification element. The app uses a ranking system so you can connect and share your triumphs on your social networks – is this negating the point of Pause?

While the app may not have got it quite right, the idea behind it is a sound one. Digital addiction can take over your life, affecting far more than your well-being, and anything we can do to avoid developing an addiction can’t be all bad.

If you feel you need professional help for an addiction to the Internet or smartphone, seeing a counsellor could help you understand where the addiction stems from and how to tackle it. For more information, please see our Internet addiction page.

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Counselling Directory supports Men’s Health Week 2013 by challenging men to talk about suicidal thoughts and depression before they take action. 

Megan Blunt was diagnosed with bone cancer when she was just 14 years old. She made notes along the way, documenting her experiences. Now at the age of 21, these notes have been edited into a book and given to every child diagnosed with cancer.

Throughout Megan’s terrifying experience, her family were there to make life easier even during her darkest moments.

“My sisters and I made up a song to the tune of “We’re Walking in the Air”, but the lyrics were “I’m losing all my hair”, she told The Independent, giggling.

Megan’s bright, warm attitude is impressive in light of her experiences. While dealing with a life-threatening illness she also had to face the death of the friends she shared her ward with. She said her new book is a way of remembering those she lost.

When her friend Amy died, she launched a campaign to give young patients the choice to eat what they wanted whenever they wanted. Those on the children’s ward at University College London can now choose their meals from a big vending machine stocked with ready meals from Tesco. When your whole life becomes controlled by wires, doctors and drugs, food becomes the only freedom, and Megan wanted her fellow patients to have that.

Megan’s book is a compilation of all the tips she picked up from parents, nurses and fellow patients on the ward. It includes a lot of information about food and recipes – unsurprising in light of the fact that malnutrition is responsible for 20-40% of deaths in cancer (because it reduces the effectiveness of cancer drugs).

Her time in hospital was scary and traumatic, but Megan insists she looks back on her time with fondness. She remembers laughing a lot.

Megan’s book is called ‘Chemotherapy, Cakes and Cancer’.

Life with cancer can be extremely difficult. For help dealing with the emotional impact of cancer, please visit our Cancer page.

View and comment on the original Independent article.

More than 4,500 UK men kill themselves every year. Men’s Health Week starts today to tackle the stigma of male mental health and challenge men to talk about how they feel.

Some people find it hard to admit when they feel down – they prefer to keep their feelings to themselves. This can be through embarrassment, stoicism, or just plain confusion. While figures show men are equally as likely to suffer from mental health problems as women, men are far less likely to go to a GP for help or even admit to friends and family how they feel.

Tragically the consequences of saying nothing can be fatal. For every four suicides that occur in the UK, three are by men. That equates to 75% of all suicides. Paradoxically, a significant 72% of people treated for depression are female, which suggests men simply aren’t getting the help they need for emotional distress and mental health problems.

Martin Tod, chief executive of the Men’s Health Forum, says: “Suicide is the unspoken killer taking the lives of far too many men. Many men suffer alone or seek solace in drink. We have to find ways to make it easier for men to talk about their health before it’s too late.”

Life issues including bereavement, relationship breakdown and money problems can all contribute to stress and anxiety. Stressful events can trigger mental health problems and, in turn, underlying mental health problems make it even more difficult to cope with stressful events. To break this vicious cycle, it is important to get help.

Tod believes men prefer to keep quiet about their problems because admitting to them would make them feel weak. Even the language of distress (feeling ‘sad’, feeling ‘down’, can’t cope etc.) goes against the undeniably male mentality of powering through.

Without inviting a debate about gender and sexuality, on the whole women tend to find it easier to deal with their emotions because they are socialised to talk more freely about how they feel from a young age.

Tod thinks if all men spoke about how they felt with confidence, we wouldn’t be looking at such ‘horrific’ suicide statistics. He says there is really no need to worry about what the GP thinks, or what the counsellor thinks. There are so many options for getting help – including online and telephone counselling.

Sometimes it may feel like there really is no escape from the feelings inside. It is not abnormal to feel stuck, like there is nowhere for your feelings to go – but there is.

You can find out more about depression and how to get help by visiting our Depression page. If you think you need help, please visit our Suicidal Thoughts page. Admitting you want help is a way out of the turmoil you feel.

Find out more about Men’s Health Week.

A provocative debate on the conceptions of beauty was held at the heart of fashion this week in a bid for change.

The size zero debate has been going on for years, drawing opinions from fashion designers, models, politicians and doctors alike – and it shows no sign of slowing. In the past few weeks alone the debate has been raised around the world with the former editor of Australian Vogue revealing that some models are eating tissues to stay thin. On this side of the world River Island has come under fire after an ultra-thin model was used in their latest campaign.

Keen to address this worldwide problem, nine speakers tried to bridge the gap between aspiration and reality with their ‘Be Real Talks: Why Size Doesn’t Matter’ event held earlier this week at the London College of Fashion. The event was described as a mixture of a comedy club/theatre experience with an interactive workshop element.

Speakers included Natasha Devon from Body Gossip (a not-for-profit organisation aiming to raise awareness about body image) and psychologist Dr Linda Papadopoulos. Natasha believes now is the time for change after looking to social media and seeing how many people were chiming in on the subject, desperate for a revolution.

Liberal Democrat women’s minister Jo Swinson is leading the political charge by heading an all-party parliamentary group to develop a national campaign for positive body image. Natasha is also talking to politicians, petitioning Michael Gove (education secretary) for more funding for PSHE (personal, social and health education), which has existed in the national curriculum since 2000. Despite its existence, many state schools simply don’t have the budget to include this kind of teaching, an issue Natasha hopes to eradicate.

So why did they decide to hold the event at the London College of Fashion? One of the event’s speakers, Deborah Frances-White explains:

“Let’s not hold it at the Hegemony Wing of the Institute for Feminism and Her-story Studies. The members of the choir have preached to each other for long enough. If it’s going to be a debate, let’s have it somewhere dangerous, somewhere where feelings might be hurt as well as ideas exchanged – somewhere where change might actually happen.”

Last year hospital admissions for eating disorders in the UK rose by 16%, with children and young people accounting for most of these admissions. If you or someone you know suffers from an eating disorder, seeking help from a counsellor can be an important first step to recovery. For more information and to find a counsellor near you, please see our Eating Disorders page.

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A new medication could be available on prescription by 2015 to boost women’s sexual desire – but will they be helpful?

It has been estimated by NHS Choices that around half of women in the UK experience sexual problems. The most common of which involves difficulty in getting aroused – and it is this issue that pharmaceutical companies have latched on to.

Reports suggest that a drug called Lybrido (and another related drug, Lybridos) could be available by 2015. Early trials have already revealed that these drugs performed better than placebos at increasing both sexual desire and sexual satisfaction.

One of the main ingredients in Lybrido is testosterone, which increases the brain’s receptiveness to sexual cues and enhances sexual responsiveness. The drug also contains a phosphodiesterase type 5 inhibitor, which increases blood flow to the genitals in the same way as Viagra.

Lybrido is the brainchild of Netherland based company ‘Emotional Brain’ and is set to start the next stage of trials in the U.S. after being approved by the FDA. The question on everybody’s lips is: do we need it?

Some people argue that we don’t need medication for a lack of desire, because it is not an illness. Doctors appear to disagree however, calling it a disorder – hypoactive sexual desire disorder to be exact. A hotly debated article published 10 years ago warned that even the broader term for this condition, female sexual dysfunction, had been created for the benefit of drug companies.

For many women a loss of desire coincides with social reasons such as interpersonal problems, stresses at work and low self-esteem – not medical reasons. Whatever causes a lack of sexual desire, there is evidence that women would like to feel more of it again, and while existing therapies are helpful – they can take time. This could mean, for some, that medication will prove to be a useful stopgap.

If you are experiencing a lack of desire or any other sexual problems, seeking help from a counsellor could help you address the cause at its root. For more information, please see our Sexual Issues page.

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Samaritans counsellor Linda Vijeh from Somerset has seen first-hand the impact bullying can have on adults. After becoming the victim of bullying herself recently, she now implores others to get help.

Recent statistics show one in six adults experience bullying in the workplace – quite often for things such as sexual orientation and skin colour.

By definition, bullying involves the use of abuse, intimidation or manipulation to gain a position of power over someone else. A bully’s intention is usually to inflict hurt – both physically and emotionally, for personal gain. The methods used can be direct or indirect, and bullying is not always obvious.

Why do people bully? Linda believes it is more often than not down to envy and resentment. It can also be used as a tool for concealing a feeling of inadequacy, shame and low self-esteem; by putting others down, bullies feel empowered.

Research in the past has shown a strong link between bullying and an increased level of stress and even suicide. Bully victims often suffer long-term emotional problems as a result of their experiences, including depression, loneliness, anxiety and low self-esteem.

Linda believes it is important that people speak out about bullying. Too many people become bystanders because they are worried saying something will jeopardise their own job or ranking within the organisation. However, if people continue to ignore bullies then other people will continue to suffer.

Linda says: “In my case, the presence of a supportive ‘friendship’ group prevented the bully from gaining control.”

If you think you, or someone you know is being bullied, then stand up and do something about it. Getting rid of the bully is often easier than getting rid of the damage that bully caused.

To find out how counselling can help people deal with bullying and its painful after effects, please visit our page about Bullying.

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People who retire are more likely to experience a decline in physical and mental health than those who stay in work, a new study reports.

Researchers at the Institute of Economic Affairs (IEA) and the Age Endeavour Fellowship found that while health boosted momentarily after retirement, it declined faster in the long run than the health of people who chose to keep working.

This significant decline has led the group to controversially call for a rise in the state pension age to discourage people from retiring.

The study, called ‘Work Longer, Live Healthier: The Relationship Between Economic Activity, Health and Government Policy’, found that retirement increases the likelihood of depression by as much as 40%.

It also increases the chance of having at least one physical problem by around 60%. The likelihood of being on medication also increases by around 60% for those who are retired, and these people are also 40% less likely than their employed peers to describe themselves as being in good or excellent health.

Editorial director at the IEA Philip Booth said: “Over several decades, governments have failed to deal with the ‘demographic time bomb’. There is now general agreement that state pension ages should be raised. The Government should take firmer action here and also deregulate labour markets. Working longer will not only be an economic necessity, it also helps people to live healthier lives.”

With an increasing number of people living for longer, it is apparent that our lifestyles will need to change in order to support the economy. Keeping occupied and feeling useful is important for on-going mental health, at any age.

The Age Endeavour Fellowship warns those thinking of retirement to carefully consider all of their options. If you are capable of working, are you sure you need to stop? Dropping hours or changing the nature of your work could be an option, while volunteering at local charities or community events are other worthwhile contributions that will help Britain cope with the rapidly ageing population whilst hopefully keeping you fit, active and happy.

To find out how counselling can help with mental health problems, please visit our Types of Distress page.

View and comment on the original Independent article.