Holidays are coming: Illusion and reality

Holiday adverts are currently taking over the airwaves. Images of gilded feasts and smiling families sparkle without a hint of discord. Snowflakes frost these images comfortably in defiance of the sub-zero reality that would accompany them off-screen. In these adverts, holiday magic creates joy, provides plenty and builds “home”. Hearts melt, snow doesn’t.

What might be happening for us as we watch; what is kicked up for us, what in us is hooked? Are we seduced by these visual fairy tales of plenty, a warm and loving hearth? Are we, regardless of current financial reality, drawn into the illusion of what might be; the comforting fantasy? Maybe the relentless contrast between the holiday perfection served to us and what might be our day-to-day reality pushes us to confront the disillusion of what is – and what is in front of our eyes when those commercial filters are removed? Happy? Comfortable? Comforted? Sad? Angry? Done?
 
I wonder how this might feel. What goes on for us as we manage this constant drip-feed of fairy tales at a time when there might be considerable pressure to provide a fairy tale holiday for those around us? What might it be like to be fed this holiday narrative if we’re on our own – if our reality doesn’t match the image? How do we navigate the territory between what is real and what is magical? What of our internal landscape is mapped out and travelled in this contrast? How do we integrate the two?
 
Fairy tales have endured through generations and cultural differences for a reason. Very little in life is perfection, very little in life is all “feast” without some “famine”, and risk might be experienced as endemic. Fairy tales could be thought of, in part, as early exercises in learning about managing vulnerability and risk.

From our earliest hours, they provide us with a sense of rescue in our vulnerability; they offer happy-ever-after in the context of dangers or distress. We can be rescued from fractured families with evil stepmothers and great unhappiness. But the key here is in the sense of “rescue”. And where does that leave us as we age and grow and learn that rescue doesn’t always happen? That illusion can and often does lead to disillusion.
 
Where do these golden, gilded holiday adverts leave us with their promise that plenty (often regardless of financial reality) is achievable, that groaning tables covered with every sort of holiday delicacy are both what is wanted or needed and are also what can be provided? What happens when that mightn’t be doable and mightn’t happen? What happens to us if we can’t, or we won’t, or if we are different?
 
These adverts, which might be tapping into our very early experiences of magical, fairy tale ways of navigating reality, do their job really effectively. If they are comforting and happy and cosy, and without cost to peace of mind then that’s awesome. If they raise questions, if they challenge and disturb the dust of holidays past – perhaps long past – with stressful reflections mirrored in the here and now, then perhaps it might be an idea to explore what is happening in therapy. Holidays and the run-up to them don’t have to be navigated alone.