Attachment - does it really affect my relationships?

As always, this blog was prompted by something that I noticed in my own experience when going about my daily life!

So... recently I let my kitten outside for the first time (cue heart palpitations and dry mouth), and although she is now pretty confident outside, I noticed something with Suki that I hadn't with my previous cat.

This was her need to keep checking in with me. She would prance off and poke about in the neighbors garden, and then keep coming back to me, smell my hand and then run off again. This happened several times in the hour I was outside with her drinking my tea (and getting very cold feet). It suddenly became clear to me that I was her secure base and she was able to explore the world safely because she trusted that I was there in the background.

You might be thinking, "Anna - what on earth is a secure base?!". Well, it is exactly what it says on the tin. It is a person who is a constant and consistent base in life so, like Suki, you can explore the big wide world and know you have someone who always is available in case things get a little scary!

So, how important is a secure base, and what has this got to do with your relationships? Well, your first ever secure base - usually your mother or primary care giver - will set you up for the way you relate and attach to others in life.

If you have had a good enough secure base then you will most likely go on and securely attach to others and have healthy relationships. If, however, you have a more difficult start in life, or your primary care giver was inconsistent either physically or emotionally, then you may find yourself struggling with having healthy relationships. 

Now, in this blog I haven't got time to explain all the different attachment styles, but I will leave a link to a attachment style quiz below, where you can answer a series of questions and find out where you sit on the scale and how having this information can aid healthier relationships. 

If you are struggling with your relationships particularly with commitment issues, jealousy, anger, anxiety, difficulty in opening up and distrusting others, then understanding your attachment issues will likely aid healing in this area. Counselling is a great way to explore how you think, feeling and behave and give you the safe space to make changes for the better.

I would also like to wish all my readers a Happy Christmas and a healthy new year! 


The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Counselling Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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Ashford, Kent, TN24 8TY
Written by Honeysett Counselling Services, BA.hons, Adv,Dip,Couns,MBACP All counsellors are verified
Ashford, Kent, TN24 8TY

I am a MBACP member working in private practice in Ashford Kent. I am experienced and work with a vast range of issues. I have recently run a emotional eating course and an anger management course which have both been successful. I am also starting to sell online therapeutic tools for therapists and parents.

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