3am Angst and aloneness

In the day I’m busy.

At night I wake at 3am feeling anxious, desolate, powerless, empty. In the night I get lonely and want to reach out but who is there to respond to that tender place needing comfort and soothing, to help me get away from the lonely tenderness of the night?

Now there is a need for intimate contact and the sharing of matters of the heart, for someone to share softer emotions with.

The alleviation of aloneness (and lessening of our angst) is the sharing of that aloneness. It cannot be eradicated, we are all separate, it is the human condition, a perceptual physical gap. The gap between you and I is full of intense aloneness but the sharing of that aloneness states at the spiritual level.

We are one.

So when you fall prey to your internal attackers beating you with the imperative ‘you shall know no rest' then challenge your internal dialogue, allow yourself to look at things differently. Why are you denying yourself peace? Maybe if you give yourself the freedom to look at your busy hours differently you might relax at 3am. Some suggestions for 3am peace are:

  • Avoid stressful topics, learn what your triggers are. Can you identify your stresses? Try keeping a diary to help find the patterns behind your stress.

  • Welcome humor, watch a funny movie before bed.

  • Don’t eat late, avoid too much coffee and alcohol.

  • Remember to use the skills you use for daytime anxiety.

  • Self-soothe, there are many forms, yoga, meditation, a massage, a hot bath.

  • Daily exercise can help.

  • Practice a breathing meditation, count slowly to 10, if necessary count to 20.

  • Do your best, don’t aim for perfection, be proud of how close you get.

  • Accept you can’t control everything, put the situation in perspective - is it as bad as you really think?

  • Reframe your negative thoughts.

  • Talk to someone, tell your friends and family you are overwhelmed. Let them know how they can help you.

  • Talk to your GP or therapist.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Counselling Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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Muswell Hill N10 & Central London SE1
Written by Mary Mcilroy, BACP Accredited (Anxiety specialist). Bupa listed 30060387
Muswell Hill N10 & Central London SE1

I am a registered counsellor with the BACP.
The areas where I work are: London Bridge/The City of London and Muswell Hill/London N10
Although I help people mainly with issues of Anxiety and Depression I cover many other areas.

Details about me and my training are listed on my website: m-mcilroycounselling.co.uk.

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