To divorce or not?
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Jill Mitev-Will BA(Hons) MBACP (registered)
11th December, 20170 Comments
When a couple go through a very hard emotional roller coaster period in their relationship, sometimes they see no alternative but to separate. Sometimes they are so exhausted with the arguments or the 'stony wall of silence' that by the time they seek therapy they are on the verge of separation.
During couples counselling of this nature, a couple need to not rush into a decision based on heightened emotions. One needs to be able to make time to look at their issues before making this decision. The couple need to really listen to what their partner is saying.
Couples need to be honest with each other as without this they remain 'stuck' I certainly believe if one receives the truth however hard that might be, then with truth comes honesty and courage. However difficult it may be to hear the truth and the pain that may come with that, one cant deny that the truth is what many search for. Many couples find they can work through their difficulties when they are presented with the 'real' problem.
Many couples that rushed to make a decision and have divorced, have reported to have regretted their decision. Solicitors may get involved and friends and colleagues may take sides.The couple then become focused on the anger and frustrations of the battle of finances. They get 'locked' in the anger game. There well be no going back once it reaches this stage and only perhaps months or years later they may wonder why they did this. Some couples report that they believe a friend may have directed them into making wrong decisions and terminating their relationships.
It should always be the couple that make their own decisions, so it really is important to make sure this is 'your decision' and is not influenced by a third party. Seeing a counsellor during this time is beneficial and keeps your relationship private.
When one involves talking with friends, families and colleagues it can become very negative. It is never helpful to talk about negative issues to friends. If you do work through your issues and stay together and strengthen your relationship, you don't want friends reminding you of negative things your partner once did to you. Counselling, of course, provides a safe place for couples to explore their issues. The counsellor will be non judgemental and help you look at your situation with a wider lens.
So, before you rush to the divorce courts, make sure this is your decision...!
About the author
I have a fresh energised approach to working with couples. I have a nice practice room here in my home in Hindercay, Diss where couples can feel safe and free to focus on their private issues. I also meet couples in Norwich city centre and the Self Centre in Bury St Edmunds. Jill Mitev-Will
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