Counselling Directory
0
menumenu
Are you a counsellor? Log in Join us
Find a counsellor
  • Home
  • What's worrying you?
  • Getting help
    • What is counselling?
    • Types of therapy
    • FAQs
    • Find a counsellor or psychotherapist
    • Worried about someone else?
    • Not sure where to start?
    • Self-care
  • Articles
  • Events
  • Facts & Figures
  • News & Stories
    • Recent news
    • Your stories
Log inJoin us
Saved profiles (0)
  • Home>
  • Expert articles>
  • The unconscious mind in relationship

The unconscious mind in relationship

Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Monika Bassani MNCS

19th March, 20180 Comments

Related information: Relationship issues
Monika Bassani MNCS

When two people initially meet there is a mutual courtship and deepening of romantic love, interestingly we also instinctively selecting our mate who will enhance the chance of survival of the species. The theory into biological selection is not the only one, the Imago theory (in Latin, image) plays an important factor in how we choose our partner. The unconscious selection is based on the other partner who will enhance our self image, and the one of our primary care in our childhood experiences, which it identifies with one of the aspect of romantic attraction.

Attachment theories emphasis on the role of human relationships, the emotional expression and interactions that occurs in communication between couples. Experiences and interactions creates a vortex of emotions, not always on a positive and loving base. When couples coming to see me they often bring with themselves a fair amount of their own individual attachment base, expectations, criticism for the other partner, fears and hurts, all brewing into a cauldron of high heated emotions.

The merging of those unconscious behaviours into a conscious interaction between partners is to take ownership of their intentional reactions, to learn to value their spouse's wishes and needs, as highly as they value their own. The couple learns how to embrace their own individual negative traits, just like everyone has and to lessen those negatives on their partner, thus to create a less hostile environment. 

Understanding the reasons behind the behavioural changes it stimulates, it is conveyed by attending each other needs with words of affirmation, spending quality time together, find intimacy in physical touch; reinforce the cohesion within the relationship and offers a choice of venues to discover together, to become comfortable with each other, to seek happiness, trust, warmth and safety, and for personal growth.

About the author

Monika is a qualified Integrative counsellor, a professional registered member with The National Counselling Society (NCS). Monika runs a private practice offering to meet the needs of individuals and couples. Monika works with depression, anxiety, narcissistic personality disorder, addiction behviours, abuse, and couples relationship issues.

View profile

Related articles from our experts

  • The blame gameThe blame game

    Donna Sullivan - BACP Registered Counsellor

    23rd April, 2018
  • Healthy relationships require effort and hard workHealthy relationships require effort and hard work

    Noel Bell MA, PG Dip Psych, UKCP

    15th April, 2018
  • My partner is in denialMy partner is in denial

    Greg Savva, Counselling in Twickenham & Whitton, Masters Degree, UKCP,

    12th April, 2018

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

Share on: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn
Find a counsellor or psychotherapist near you
Select multiple
Advanced search

print this pagePrint this page

Get involved Connect with us, we're social.
Facebook
Twitter
YouTube
More information
  • About us
  • Recommend us
  • Legal terms
  • Privacy/Cookies
  • Browse by region
  • Press centre
  • Find a supervisor
  • Links
  • Site map
  • Site help

Contact us

  • Counselling Directory, Building 3
  • Riverside Way, Camberley
  • Surrey, GU15 3YL
  • Membership Services Team:
    0333 325 2500 *
  • Contact us
Copyright © 2018 site by Memiah Limited

* Calls to 03 numbers cost the same as calling an 01 or 02 number and
count towards any inclusive minutes in the same way as 01 and 02 calls.

Healthy ideas that change the world

Get our free monthly e-magazine straight to your inbox

Find out more at happiful.com