The unconscious mind in relationship
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Monika Bassani MNCS
When two people initially meet there is a mutual courtship and deepening of romantic love, interestingly we also instinctively selecting our mate who will enhance the chance of survival of the species. The theory into biological selection is not the only one, the Imago theory (in Latin, image) plays an important factor in how we choose our partner. The unconscious selection is based on the other partner who will enhance our self image, and the one of our primary care in our childhood experiences, which it identifies with one of the aspect of romantic attraction.
Attachment theories emphasis on the role of human relationships, the emotional expression and interactions that occurs in communication between couples. Experiences and interactions creates a vortex of emotions, not always on a positive and loving base. When couples coming to see me they often bring with themselves a fair amount of their own individual attachment base, expectations, criticism for the other partner, fears and hurts, all brewing into a cauldron of high heated emotions.
The merging of those unconscious behaviours into a conscious interaction between partners is to take ownership of their intentional reactions, to learn to value their spouse's wishes and needs, as highly as they value their own. The couple learns how to embrace their own individual negative traits, just like everyone has and to lessen those negatives on their partner, thus to create a less hostile environment.
Understanding the reasons behind the behavioural changes it stimulates, it is conveyed by attending each other needs with words of affirmation, spending quality time together, find intimacy in physical touch; reinforce the cohesion within the relationship and offers a choice of venues to discover together, to become comfortable with each other, to seek happiness, trust, warmth and safety, and for personal growth.
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