In these times when being a single mum is no longer unusual or frowned upon in the same way as it once was, it can be easy to forget that not everyone is blasé about being in this situation, contrary to the impression that comes across through the media.
A decision to go ahead with an unplanned pregnancy, without any support from the father, does not necessarily mean that those who have chosen this route are fine with the way things have turned out, no matter how much they love their son or daughter; and this conflict between the love they have for their child and their very mixed feelings in regards to the direction that their life has gone, can be a huge struggle to deal with over the years.
The paternal grandparents may or may not want to be involved and this brings its own complications. Maybe you would love them to be part of your child’s life, but they want no contact, which can feel like a huge rejection, of both you and your child. Or perhaps you struggle to let them in, when their son wants no involvement.
You may have always been very career minded and whilst you may have since got back on track, there can be resentment of how much of an extra challenge it has been for you, with thoughts of how much further along in your career you might be if you hadn’t of had to take time out.
Even if you have a supportive mum or dad, it can get weary not having that significant other to turn to at home, to share in the successes and challenges of raising your child through their formative years.
For some, it can be difficult to shake of a feeling of being judged, even after achievements, such as a great job, or owning your own home.
It might be that even though you have an amazingly close relationship with your son or daughter, even though you are proud of everything you are achieving, that you are still struggling with feelings of resentment, anger, rejection, or hurt, despite several years having passed since the ending of the relationship with the father.
It might be that you rely heavily on a very supportive parent, but have mixed emotions about having to do that, even though you are grateful for their support. This is when it can be helpful to look into counselling; a safe, confidential and non judgemental space, to explore everything you have been through, your current situation and the challenges that you find yourself dealing with. Looking into counselling, is a positive step, an aspect of self-care, and something that can be part of your continued success in moving forward.
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About Isabel Fulcher
I work in private practice and am passionate about the benefits and healing properties of talking therapies, both because of my own experiences and all my one-to one client work.