South Asians: Is “success” killing your emotional well-being?

Every July through to mid-August, South Asian Heritage Month rolls quietly through the UK calendar – if it rolls at all. Unlike the fanfare of Black History Month, this moment of cultural pride too often goes unrecognised in mainstream mental health spaces, failing to address the unique challenges faced by this community. So this year, let’s use it as a time to not only celebrate our roots but question the routes we’ve been forced down, especially the one paved with pressure, perfectionism and performance. Because here’s the raw truth: for many South Asians in the UK, chasing “success” is literally killing our mental health and emotional well-being.

Beneath the veneer of achievement lies a toxic blend of intergenerational trauma, enmeshment trauma, cultural expectations and systemic barriers that leave many South Asians feeling isolated, burnt out, and silently struggling. The relentless pursuit of academic excellence, professional status and financial security is frequently fuelled by parental pressure, cultural norms and the desire to overcome experiences of marginalisation and racism (Ngo, 2006; Arora and Khoo, 2020). But at what cost? 

Many South Asians find themselves trapped in a cycle of constantly striving for external validation, often neglecting their emotional needs and personal values in the process. South Asian immigrants often face significant mental health challenges stemming from migration, acculturation pressures and various socioeconomic determinants that profoundly affect their overall mental health, well-being and quality of life (Karasz et al., 2016).

The pursuit of academic and career opportunities has driven many South Asians to the United Kingdom over the past half-century, leading to unique struggles in maintaining their ethnic identity rooted in collectivism while simultaneously embracing British ideals of individualism (Sharma, Shaligram and Yoon, 2020; Ullah, 2024). Often, the initial generations of migrants now face ageing-related conditions like dementia, exacerbating the need for comprehensive mental health support tailored to their cultural background (Jenkins and Kamal, 2023).

Acknowledging the intersectionality of identity is crucial when addressing the mental health needs of South Asians living in the UK. Individuals derive meaning and identity from their cultural and ethnic heritage as well as their British nationality, norms, values and heritage (Herat-Gunaratne et al., 2020). These factors have important effects on mental health attitudes, beliefs, help-seeking behaviours and lived experiences (Chowdhury et al., 2023). 

South Asians are a heterogeneous group distinguished by diverse linguistic, regional, financial and social backgrounds, making culturally sensitive and linguistically appropriate mental health support critical (Giebel et al., 2014). The expression 'South Asians' is too generic and fails to acknowledge the distinct and varied needs within this community (Alam, O’Halloran and Fowke, 2024).

Many South Asians find themselves trapped between two worlds: the collectivist culture of their homeland and the individualistic society of the West, creating tension and identity confusion (Jutlla, 2014). This cultural dissonance can manifest as anxiety, depression and alienation, impacting their sense of belonging and self-worth. Acculturation, the process of adapting to a new culture, significantly influences the mental health of South Asian immigrants and can either positively or negatively impact their psychological mental health and well-being, depending on the context (Jin et al., 2021). The desire to fit in and succeed in a new environment often leads to the adoption of Western values, potentially conflicting with traditional South Asian customs and beliefs, which can lead to intergenerational conflict, family stress and tensions (Herat-Gunaratne et al., 2020). Identity process theory helps explain the social and psychological functions of Britishness for South Asians, highlighting how a civic and instrumental view of British identity can encourage inclusion and access (Jaspal and Cinnirella, 2012). Acculturation attitudes, language usage, family and social contacts and religion play a pivotal role in shaping ethnic identity and acculturation strategies among South Asians, as well as influencing their perceptions of racism and discrimination (Robinson, 2005). 

Furthermore, the model minority stereotype places immense pressure on South Asians to excel academically and professionally, leading to chronic stress, burnout and mental health issues (Herat-Gunaratne et al., 2020). The emphasis on education and career success within South Asian families can create a high-pressure environment where individuals feel compelled to meet unrealistic expectations (Ghuman, 2001).

This article will delve deeper into the unique stressors faced by South Asians in the UK, drawing from research and lived experiences to illuminate the challenges that often go unacknowledged, and offer practical insights and guidance on how to navigate these complexities, reclaim your well-being and redefine success on your own terms. 

“Make something of yourself”: Where it all began

The South Asian diaspora – spanning India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Nepal, and not forgetting the broader indentured communities of East Africa and the Caribbean – carries a rich legacy of migration. Many of these families arrived in the UK with very little but carried something more enduring: an unrelenting desire to survive and succeed. Whether fleeing colonial displacement, civil unrest, or simply seeking better opportunities, the collective goal was clear: make something of yourself. Success became not just a hope – it was a duty. And in many households, that translated into academic excellence, career prestige and financial accumulation. But at what cost?

The pressure to fulfil these expectations can be immense, leading to anxiety, depression and a sense of never being "good enough". This pressure is compounded by the unique challenges faced by South Asian immigrants in the UK. So this is specific to South Asians’ mental health.

The body remembers: The neuroscience of pressure

From a neurobiological standpoint, chronic stress linked to performance pressure activates the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. This hormonal cascade floods the body with cortisol and adrenaline (Gunnar & Quevedo, 2007). While helpful in short bursts, long-term activation causes havoc on both mental and physical health. The amygdala (the emotional processing centre of the brain) becomes hyperactive, leading to anxiety and emotional reactivity. The hippocampus (the memory and learning part of the brain) shrinks, affecting concentration and recall (Teicher et al., 2016). The immune system weakens, increasing vulnerability to autoimmune diseases like lupus, psoriasis and conditions like type 2 diabetes, which are already disproportionately high in South Asians (Danese & Baldwin, 2017; Narayan & Kanaya, 2020). So when a child internalises, “If I don’t succeed, I’ve failed my family,” that’s not just emotional – it’s at a cellular level that is directly linked to your emotions. It’s physiological trauma masquerading as ambition.

“Neha” - the unbearable lightness of a master’s degree

Neha (pseudonym), 29, is a British-born South Asian woman with two master’s degrees and a six-figure tech job. She also has panic attacks every Sunday night. In therapy, Neha explained: “Success is a moving target. My dad came here with £5 in his pocket. If I complain, I’m ungrateful. If I’m tired, I’m lazy. If I say I’m lonely, I’m weak.” Neha doesn’t suffer from a lack of achievement – she suffers from a lack of permission to be a vulnerable human. Her parents’ sacrifices have become her shame. Her milestones come with guilt. And beneath her curated Instagram life is emotional depletion and pain.

Intergenerational trauma: When survival becomes a legacy

Our parents and grandparents didn’t have the luxury of time for emotional reflection and introspection. They had to assimilate, survive and endure racism, poverty and marginalisation. But when survival becomes the gold standard, anything less than excellence feels like failure. That’s intergenerational trauma: the unconscious transmission of unhealed wounds. Psychologically, this shows up as: 

• perfectionism and imposter syndrome
• suppressed emotions and alexithymia
• workaholism and emotional burnout
• disconnection from joy, play, and vulnerability

Our nervous system doesn’t know how to distinguish between the threat of a tiger and a disappointing grade - it responds the same. Fight, flight, freeze or fawn. And for many South Asians, fawning (which means people-pleasing) becomes the currency of love and belonging.

“Amir” - The doctor with no dreams

Amir (pseudonym), 34, is a GP who originally wanted to become an artist. “My parents would have disowned me,” he said in a therapy session. “They didn’t come all this way for me to paint oil canvases. They came so I could be safe.” But Amir isn’t safe. He’s emotionally numb. He’s disconnected from his body, his desires and his relationships. He lives for others while slowly forgetting himself. He jokes that he has “a brown parent PTSD,” but the symptoms - chronic fatigue, disordered eating, emotional numbness - are no joke to be laughed about.

The cost of success in the diaspora body

This constant pressure to perform doesn’t just affect the mind - it impacts the entire biopsychosocial system. Stress disrupts the gut-brain axis, affecting digestion, sleep, and immunity (Mayer et al., 2015). Hormonal imbalances involving cortisol, insulin and even thyroid hormones are common among high-achieving South Asians under emotional strain. Conditions such as:

• type 2 diabetes
• irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
• autoimmune disorders
• infertility and PCOS
• chronic pain and fatigue

...are not just random – they’re expressions of unresolved internalised trauma and cultural over-functioning.

So what do we do?

We acknowledge. We grieve. We resist the myth that survival and silence are the only options. Here’s how:

• Create safe emotional spaces - in therapy or trusted communities, talk about your shame, your rage, your exhaustion.
• Challenge inherited narratives - ask: “Who does this version of success actually serve?”
• Reconnect with joy - prioritise play, rest, sensuality, creativity - not just productivity.
• Rewire your nervous system - through breathwork, body-based practices and trauma-specialised therapy.
• Parent yourself – offer the praise, permission and softness you needed growing up.

From roots to routes

South Asian Heritage Month is a time to honour our ancestors, whilst also honouring ourselves. We can rewrite the routes we’ve taken – routes paved in silence, stress and performance. Because in reality, our worth is not measured by salary, status or sacrifice. It’s measured by our capacity to feel, connect and belong. Success didn’t bring us to the UK. Survival did. And intentional healing – that’s what will carry us forward. In confronting challenges, embracing vulnerability and seeking mental health support become essential for trauma survivors, individuals facing discrimination, and those affected by environmental crises (Herrman et al., 2011). 

This article builds on the wider body of work I’ve created exploring the unique mental health challenges faced by South Asian communities. In 'Emotional neglect in collectivistic cultures: The hidden wound', I explore how cultural norms that prize obedience and duty often lead to silent emotional deprivation. In 'South Asians: Stigma around therapy is harming us', I break down how shame and secrecy create systemic barriers to seeking psychological help. My pieces on 'Exploring enmeshment trauma' and 'Navigating enmeshment trauma' address the blurred relational boundaries that pass for love but often mask control and codependence. In 'The menopause blind spot', I shed light on how South Asian women are excluded from mainstream menopause narratives, leaving many to suffer in silence. 'Intergenerational trauma in Indian Mauritians' highlights how colonial legacies, migration and cultural shame continue to affect identity and mental health in diaspora populations like my own. I also confront the cultural reliance on medical models in 'Breaking the silence: Why South Asians rely on medical doctors' and challenge assumptions about therapy itself in 'Addressing misconceptions about therapy in South Asian communities'. Together, these pieces form a call to action – to deconstruct the cultural and clinical frameworks that continue to pathologise, ignore or exclude South Asian mental health needs.

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