Emotional neglect in collectivistic cultures: The hidden wound

What is emotional neglect? Emotional neglect, a subtle yet impactful form of mistreatment, occurs when a child's emotional needs are consistently unmet, leading to lasting psychological harm (Evans, 1976). 

Unlike physical abuse, emotional neglect leaves no visible scars, making it difficult to detect and address (Martin, 1996). It occurs when parents or caregivers consistently fail to provide the necessary emotional support, responsiveness and validation that children require for healthy development (Sun et al., 2021). This can manifest as a lack of warmth, affection or empathy, as well as a failure to recognise and respond to a child's emotional cues.

The insidious nature of emotional neglect often leads to its underreporting and underestimation, especially compared to more overt forms of child maltreatment (Guest, 2012 and Xie et al., 2025).

In many collectivistic cultures - particularly across South Asian, East Asian, Middle Eastern and Latin American communities - loyalty to family is seen as a sacred thread holding society together. The narrative goes: "Family first, self later." But what happens when this cultural script quietly silences individual emotional needs? What’s the cost of appearing high-functioning yet inwardly shamefully fractured?

Collectivism often emphasises harmony, duty and togetherness, but an unspoken shadow looms: emotional neglect. Especially in environments where emotional literacy is absent and survival takes precedence over psychological flourishing, neglect evolves into complex trauma and may manifest as physical disease.

Cultural conditioning and suppressed expression

In collectivist settings, the group’s needs often supersede individual expression (Jin, Zhang and Han, 2017). The emphasis on duty, respect for elders and maintaining social order can inadvertently create an environment where a child's emotional needs are dismissed. While these values can promote strong bonds, they also risk creating emotional suppression, invalidation and isolation (Schouten et al., 2020).

Cultural transmission across generations perpetuates these patterns. Parents who grew up emotionally neglected often replicate the same behaviours with their children (Rost et al., 2024). Traditional family structures, like multi-generational households, can dilute attention and amplify competing demands. Emotional cues go unrecognised.

Meanwhile, cultural beliefs may cause parents to dismiss emotionally informed parenting as "Western" or irrelevant (Hapunda et al., 2019). Children, then, grow up believing that expressing emotion is dangerous or shameful. They become functional on the outside but emotionally fragmented within. As one of my clients, Aisha (pseudonym), shared: "No one ever shouted at me. But no one ever asked how I was either."

A child's emotional environment within the family plays a crucial role in shaping their emotional regulation skills (Morris et al., 2007). Parents who prioritise and value emotions, demonstrating acceptance, are more likely to be attentive to their children's feelings (Waters et al., 2009). The traditional family structures prevalent in many collectivistic cultures, such as extended families living together, can further complicate the issue of emotional neglect.

While a larger family network can provide additional support and resources, it can also dilute parental attention and responsibility, potentially leading to a child's emotional needs being overlooked amidst the competing demands and expectations of multiple family members. It is crucial to acknowledge that Western parenting theories may not always be directly applicable or appropriate for understanding parenting practices, like to that of South Asian cultures as an example (Choi et al., 2013). 

The impact of emotional neglect can be particularly pronounced in collectivistic cultures, where family relationships are highly valued and intertwined with one's sense of self and belonging. The pressure to conform to family expectations and maintain harmony can prevent individuals from acknowledging or addressing their emotional wounds, leading to a cycle of silence and hidden suffering.

The absence of overt conflict or abuse can further mask the presence of emotional neglect, as the family may appear functional and well-adjusted from an external perspective. However, beneath the surface, individuals may struggle with feelings of emptiness, low self-worth and difficulty forming secure attachments (Herat-Gunaratne et al., 2020). Collectivistic cultures often emphasise respect for elders, so children are expected to prioritise their parents’ needs over and above their own (Shekhani, 2024). 

Addressing emotional neglect requires a cultural shift that promotes emotional awareness, validation and open communication within families. Mental health professionals, educators and community leaders can play a crucial role in raising awareness about emotional neglect and its impact on individual well-being. Culturally sensitive counselling and support systems can help families develop healthier communication patterns and create environments where children's emotional needs are recognised and met (Elwakeel, 2024).

This approach acknowledges the importance of cultural context while also advocating for the emotional well-being of individuals within those cultures. Promoting emotional literacy and healthy coping mechanisms can empower individuals to break free from the cycle of emotional neglect and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. 

The stigma associated with mental health issues in many collectivistic cultures can prevent families from seeking help for emotional neglect. The cultural belief that mental health problems reflect poorly on the family's reputation can lead to denial, secrecy and a reluctance to acknowledge the existence of emotional neglect (Wang et al., 2023). 

The neurobiology of emotional neglect

When caregivers fail to provide emotional attunement, a child’s developing brain interprets the world as unsafe. This activates the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, flooding the body with cortisol and adrenaline (Gunnar and Quevedo, 2007). Chronic exposure disrupts emotional regulation, impairs the amygdala (the emotional processing part of the brain) and shrinks the hippocampus (the memory and learning part of the brain) (Teicher et al., 2016).

The long-term impact? Heightened anxiety, poor impulse control, difficulty in relationships and susceptibility to chronic illness. Furthermore, and a very important point to make - emotional neglect is linked with increased incidence of autoimmune conditions and metabolic disorders such as diabetes, as ongoing stress weakens immune functioning and contributes to systemic inflammation (Danese & Baldwin, 2017 and Miller et al., 2009).

In the UK, the prevalence of type 2 diabetes is significantly higher in the South Asian population compared to the white British population. South Asians are up to six times more likely to develop type 2 diabetes, and they often develop it at a younger age and experience more complications. Estimates suggest that around 11% of people with diabetes in the UK are of South Asian ethnicity (Iqbal, 2023). The health implications of these statistics are alarming, given that South Asians may have a genetic predisposition to insulin resistance and impaired insulin secretion (Narayan and Kanaya, 2020). 

Emotional literacy deficits and cultural silence

In many South Asian families, the emotional vocabulary is tragically underdeveloped. Feelings are “managed” through discipline, denial or distraction. There’s often no room to process grief, heartbreak or fear - just a relentless push toward achievement. Clients like Ravi (pseudonym), a 38-year-old financial analyst, arrived in therapy saying, "I tick all the boxes - I have a good job, I own a house, I have a family. But I feel nothing." He’s not alone.

Emotional neglect often shows up as a lack of vitality, emotional numbness and relational confusion. The widespread cultural silence around vulnerability keeps generations locked in survival mode - alert, functional and scarily emotionally malnourished.

COVID-19: A pressure cooker for emotional neglect

The pandemic forced families into close quarters, removing distractions like work, social life and school. For many in collectivist homes, this intensified unresolved tensions. Without tools for emotional communication, many families defaulted to criticism, control or emotional withdrawal.

Children and adults alike were left to internalise this: “My feelings are too much. I must manage alone." The long-term psychological aftermath of COVID-19 includes increased anxiety, depression and trauma, particularly in homes where emotional neglect was already a silent staple (Loades et al., 2020). 

No vulnerability in collectivistic groups 

In the backdrop of the COVID-19 pandemic, where trauma symptoms heightened and threatened emotional regulation (Rashid, 2024), the pre-existing vulnerabilities within collectivistic cultures were further exposed, revealing how emotional neglect could intensify within constrained environments (Zhou et al., 2023). Individual resources that would have previously been leveraged to cope with emotional distress were now limited, making the adverse psychological consequences of traumatic events even more prominent.

The risk of social disconnection was exacerbated during periods of required isolation, which affected attachment styles and led to increased feelings of loneliness, particularly for those without secure peer relationships (Parent et al., 2021). The pandemic, coupled with the disruption to social routines, amplified the rates of domestic violence and highlighted the fragile nature of mental health, particularly among families facing health and social inequities (Gadermann et al., 2021).

Social support and family system resources are critical for positive family functioning, but the pandemic introduced both stressors and opportunities for families, with some discovering new ways to support each other amidst long-term stressors and changes in daily life (Vaydich and Cheung, 2022). 

Cultural values emphasising family duty may inadvertently overshadow individual emotional needs, leading to a lack of recognition and validation of personal feelings (Herat-Gunaratne et al., 2020). This is further compounded by an environment where family harmony is prized above all else, discouraging open expression of emotions that could be perceived as disruptive (Jenkins and Kamal, 2023).

The pressure to conform to familial expectations can result in individuals suppressing their emotions, creating a cycle of emotional neglect that perpetuates across generations. The subtle nature of emotional neglect makes it difficult to identify, as it often manifests not as overt abuse but as a consistent failure to respond to emotional cues.

Enmeshment masquerading as love

Collectivism often encourages enmeshment - closeness without boundaries. Closeness without boundaries is not an emotional connection. Children become emotional caretakers, suppressing their own needs to maintain family equilibrium. In this setup, individuals are physically present but emotionally absent, even from themselves. Vulnerability becomes an internal exile.

When children are conditioned to meet their family’s needs above their own, it encourages ambiguous emotional detachment - they may be physically present but emotionally absent, even from themselves. Enmeshment says: "Be who we need you to be, not who you are." 

Emotional regulation in a rapidly changing world

Rapid advancements in digital technology and social changes present an overwhelming array of stimuli, contributing to cognitive strain and situational stress, which further complicates emotional regulation (Kozubal, Szuster and Wielgopolan, 2023).

Personality traits, exacerbated by worries related to the pandemic, can significantly heighten psychological stress, indicating that even as societal restrictions ease, the emotional repercussions of COVID-19 continue to influence mental health and well-being (Semeraro et al., 2023). Addressing these challenges requires encouraging emotional literacy and creating safe spaces for emotional expression within collectivist cultures, thereby promoting healthier family dynamics. 

Therapy as reparenting: The journey to wholeness

Therapy provides a secure environment where unspoken emotions can be acknowledged. Healing from emotional neglect involves several key steps: Firstly, recognising the patterns of emotional neglect in the family system, understanding how these patterns have shaped one's sense of self, and learning to identify and name previously suppressed feelings is crucial.

Secondly, developing self-compassion and challenging the inner critic that often arises from internalising the message that one’s emotions are invalid or burdensome helps in nurturing emotional resilience (Sánchez-Hernández, Barkavi-Shani and Bermejo, 2022; An et al., 2024; Vladislav et al., 2024).  

Thirdly, establishing healthy boundaries and learning to assert one's emotional needs within relationships, while understandably difficult, is essential for breaking the cycle of emotional neglect (Vernooij‐Dassen et al., 2010).

Finally, reparenting the self by providing the validation and support that was lacking in childhood promotes emotional healing and encourages a stronger sense of self-worth. It is important to remember that emotional neglect is not a reflection of personal worth but rather a consequence of systemic emotional unavailability (Kolk and Fisler, 1994). Seeking professional guidance can provide valuable support in navigating this healing journey.

Self-soothing tools such as deep breathing, journaling, walking in nature and compassionate inner dialogue retrain the nervous system to feel safe in vulnerability. One client, Nazia (pseudonym), began practising self-attunement rituals each morning - placing a hand on her chest, saying “I’m here for you,” and breathing deeply. Within months, her panic attacks subsided. She told me, tearfully: “I finally feel like someone sees me - and it’s me.”

Culturally sensitive attuned therapy: Integration, not abandonment

Healing from emotional neglect requires therapy that honours the cultural context without colluding with its harmful aspects. A culturally-informed therapist doesn’t just ask “What happened to you?” - they also ask “What wasn’t allowed to happen?” and “Who did you have to become to stay safe?”.

Therapy doesn’t pit individualism against collectivism. It helps people integrate both - nurturing authentic selfhood while maintaining meaningful family ties. The therapeutic process also supports the client to rebuild a more cohesive, discriminating and flexible sense of self through the therapeutic relationship (Martínez, 2006). 

Your mind, body and soul

If you’re reading this and feel seen, know that emotional neglect isn’t your fault - no one is to blame - and healing is possible through your own responsibility. Prioritising your emotional wellbeing isn’t selfish; it’s sacred. Start with small, sacred rituals for yourself.

Check in with yourself through deep breathing. Speak kindly to your inner child. Learn to sit with your feelings, even the most difficult ones. Let therapy be the gentle, safe and supportive mirror where you can finally meet the parts of yourself that were left behind. Because healing doesn’t mean abandoning your culture. It means refusing to abandon yourself within it.

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