Building trust: Embracing difference in therapy

The following quote is by black, queer, feminist, single mother, American poet Audre Lorde: “… it is not those differences between us that are separating us. It is rather our refusal to recognise those differences, and so examine the distortions which result from misnaming them and their effects upon human behaviour and expectation.” She highlights that it is essential to acknowledge and understand the diverse identities and lived experiences of each person.

I believe Lorde’s insistence on naming differences is relevant in all aspects of life, particularly in therapy. This way of being is essential for a therapist. For you as the client to feel accepted and not judged as the person you are, I as the therapist need to be aware of differences and intersectionality. Working intersectional, a therapist recognises how various aspects of their client’s identity – such as race, gender, sexuality, class, and ability – interact to shape their experience of oppression and privilege.

Intersectionality and counselling

Intersectionality enhances counselling by promoting inclusivity and cultural competence. Clients from marginalised backgrounds may experience combined forms of discrimination, for example, an LGBTQ+ Black woman facing homophobia, racism and misogyny. If a counsellor does not consider these intersecting identities, they risk minimising their client’s lived experience. By recognising systemic influences, your therapist can validate your struggles. This can support reframing your difficulties in a way that acknowledges both personal agency and structural injustice.

Embracing differences enables a counsellor to provide effective and empathetic support. Every client enters the counselling room with unique personal, cultural and systemic influences that influence their mental health and well-being. If your therapist fails to acknowledge these layers, it can narrow their understanding of your struggles and potentially reinforce rather than challenge the societal distortions that might impact your life. It could work against two of the core ethical principles of the BACP (British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists):

• Beneficence: a commitment to promoting the client’s well-being.
• Non-maleficence: a commitment to avoiding harm to the client.

Misnaming differences or ignoring intersectionality will definitely not be beneficial for building a trusting relationship with your therapist. Research shows that the most important factor for a therapy to be experienced as successful by clients, is the relationship between therapist and client.

Finding the right therapist

You might be looking for the right therapist for you right now. The one advice I can give you is to look for someone with whom you feel you can build a trusting relationship in time. Do you have the impression that your potential therapist is open to critique and willing to work on themselves? How do they react when you ask them if they cherish feedback? A counsellor needs to challenge their own biases. Self-reflection, supervision and continued professional development are necessary to ensure that a therapist’s practice is ethical and inclusive.

With differences and intersectionality recognised and their impact on life acknowledged, I believe you will feel supported in exploring your life experiences. It creates a safe space where you can feel seen, heard and understood. This is the foundation stone of the so important therapeutic relationship.