What is therapy really like? An honest conversation

What happens when we stop and look back at where therapy began, what we discovered along the way, why we did it and what we take with us when we leave?

What are the first therapy sessions like?

Therapist: Let’s go back to the beginning. What made you decide to start therapy?

Client: I think I’d reached a point where I knew I wasn’t coping in the way I wanted to. I knew I had had a fair few things happen to me in my past; who hasn't? And I knew about therapy, but I didn't think it was very "me".

I’d spent a long time putting other people first, worrying about everyone else and carrying things on my own. Eventually, I woke up one day and decided something had to change.

Therapist: And how did that feel? How did you persuade yourself to take that first step?

Client: Quite scary, actually... really scary. I wondered whether my problems were even “bad enough” for therapy. I questioned if it would be worth the time and effort to try and open up. But I also felt relieved once I’d first reached out. Making that first contact felt like admitting I needed help, but maybe it would be okay.

Therapist: What was it like in those first few sessions?

Client: Strange at first. I’m used to listening to other people rather than talking about myself, my life and things I kept private. Having someone actually listen without judging me took some getting used to.

Eventually, I started to feel I didn’t need to worry about what I was going to say before I spoke, and that I could basically say whatever I needed to that day; it felt like a weight lifted off me, even before we had looked at anything specifically!

What can you learn about yourself in therapy?

Therapist: So, looking back at those first few sessions, what did you discover about yourself, and what made you want to keep going?

Client: That some of my reactions were not really about what’s happening in the moment. I started to recognise patterns in how I dealt with things, particularly in relationships and how quickly I put my own needs aside and thought that was right.

The more we talked about this, those scenarios, etc., the more I began to realise it was okay to look at me and my needs and what I needed from my life.

This made me think of extra things to take to therapy to talk about the following week, and I began to really look forward to going.

Therapist: Has anything changed for you now?

Client: I think I pause more now. Instead of immediately reacting, I’m beginning to ask myself what I’m actually feeling and what I need.

I don’t always get it right, but I notice it now – and that’s different. I'm much more aware. Having my therapist help me explore some of my fears and insecurities has allowed me to see differently and to know it's okay.

What can feel difficult about therapy?

Therapist: Was there anything about therapy you didn’t find useful?

Client: Definitely. Sometimes I wanted a magic wand waved during the sessions. I wanted the topic fixed and resolved right then and there.

There were also times when I found talking about certain things uncomfortable, but the more my "stuff" was unravelled, the more I understood why this was necessary and how the magic wand scenario wasn't always going to come straight away; in fact, it would come in waves on days I didn't expect.

Therapist: What would you do differently if you started therapy again?

Client: I’d be more honest about what I needed and relax quicker into opening up. I thought I needed to say the right things to my therapist or act a certain way, and I didn't want to disappoint. 

I realise now that therapy is a two-way process, and she really wanted to help me and work with me and truly understand so that I could ultimately feel better.

What can you take away from therapy?

Therapist: What would you tell the person who first walked into therapy?

Client: That doing this is okay. That asking for help isn’t weakness.

You don’t have to know exactly what’s wrong or have everything worked out. And you don’t have to change everything overnight. Just starting is enough; it's your time, and it's important it works for you, no one else!

Therapist: And if you had to describe your therapeutic journey in three words?

Client: Honest. Understanding. Empowering.

Therapist: What will you take forward?

Client: Self-awareness. I’ve realised I can’t control everything that happens around me or how other people behave. But I can become more aware of myself, my boundaries and my choices, and it's okay to think about me and how I feel.

A final reflection

Perhaps that’s what therapy really is: not becoming a different person, but becoming more aware of the person you already are.

Taking that first step can feel daunting. Therapy can be uncomfortable and frustrating at times, and it won’t always feel immediately rewarding.

But the process can offer something incredibly valuable – the opportunity to pause, reflect, understand ourselves differently and begin making choices that feel more aligned with who we want to be.

Your therapeutic journey doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Sometimes, simply having the courage to begin is where change starts.