Shall I stay or shall I go?
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Jill Mitev-Will BA(Hons) MBACP (registered)
22nd October, 20150 Comments
The dilemma of making a decision to leave a relationship that has 'lost its magic' or appears 'to not be how it was' or appears to be simply 'hard work' can sometimes create exhaustion from the constant battle in ones head with their thoughts. Dancing in the dark with confusing non-stop thoughts leads to anxiety, depression and a feeling of being 'trapped' within ourselves. In fact, one may feel like they are driving their car on an extremely foggy night not being able to have clear vision. We may have our head lights on but we still cant see.
Words that friends may have voiced to us echo in our thoughts, "I wouldn't have stood for it", or "you can do better..."
So what do we do now? How much time do we invest in a struggling relationship? Can we turn it around? Can we regain what seems to have temporarily slipped away? One may say, "All I want is for it to go back to how it was". I want to feel your touch again, see the smile light up on your face when I look at you, I want to laugh with you again...
One has thoughts such as, "If I hadn't worked away from home would we have grow apart?" As one invests more energy into working out when the magic slipped away, one is still left with the reality of the emptiness and isolation, one may feel in the here and now. So what do we do?
Making sure that any decision one makes are their own is important. These should be made without influence of friends, family or possible future suitors that have an invested interest in helping you with your decision!
Avoid making hasty decisions and departures like the soap characters from EastEnders that slip away in the night to Spain with their one suitcase, only to find that leaving didn't solve the problem!
Writing a private diary and being honest with your feelings may be very freeing, at least it releases some of our pain.
Counselling may at this time provide a valuable place to be able to make sense of ones feelings and be able to see 'the bigger picture'. If you would like to explore your feelings away from the influence of being judged then a counsellor will provide you with emotional support. Making a life changing decision is emotionally draining and challenging. One needs to look after themselves in terms of eating a balanced diet and trying to find an hour a day to be free from their thoughts. I would normally recommend some form of physical exercise that may consume us like yoga, kick boxing, tai chi, dance, football, squash or anything where we can have some escape from our thoughts.
At Aisling counselling, we will help you look at the 'wider lens'. You will have a safe and confidential place where you can look at your choices. Investing time for yourself may help you look at your dilemma and come to make your own decision in your own time.
We always have choices in life. Make sure the choices you make are your own away from influence!
About the author
I have a delightful room in my home that provides a safe place for one to talk through their concerns. I also offer a telephone counselling service. I believe I can provide help you achieve a positive outcome. I think you will find me warm, welcoming, non-judgemental, empathic with a quirky energetic style of working. Jill Mitev-Will BA(Hons).
Related articles from our experts
- The keys to rebuilding your relationship
Graeme Orr MBACP(Accred), UKRCP Reg. Ind. Counsellor8th December, 2017
- Are you choosing wrong partners?
The Personal Growth And Development Centre1st December, 2017
- Healthy relationships need healthy boundaries
Stella Goddard, BA (Hons) Registered MBACP (Accred)25th November, 2017
- Expectations and self-doubt
Lucinda Milne Diploma in counselling20th November, 2017
- Relationship boundaries
Jayne Phillips, Psychotherapeutic Counsellor, Dip Couns, MBACP Registered9th November, 2017
- Emotional, psychological abuse – How your self-esteem can be affected
Balwinder Hunjan BSc (Hon) Dip Counselling Psychology Registered MBACP29th September, 2017
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.