Why I do the work I do

It completely floors me every time I am told something so personal, so hard to say, so from the heart. It completely humbles me, every single time.

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I am with so many who are going through their darkest days, holding their pain, hearing their insights, listening to their stories, there with them as they navigate the hardest part of their lives. It feels so sacred to me that the person sitting in front of me, haunted by where they are in their current situation, is outpouring from such a place of depth and longing for things to be different.

That level of human connection, that raw, inexplicable coming together of thoughts being shared in that moment, is my ultimate high, for I have longed for connection my whole life. I have longed for the mysteries of the world to unravel themselves to me, I have longed for depth, for meaning, for purpose. It has made me curious by nature and given me an insatiable awe for life as I continually search for an understanding of the human condition.

I am fascinated by people and will continue to be so for as long as I am breathing. Maybe through it all, I am on my own cathartic journey, maybe by hearing, validating and understanding others I am actually doing that for myself.

To me the greatest gift you can give someone is your time, time dedicated purely to them, unadulterated time for someone to be who they need to be, to say what they want and need to say in the way they want to say it, no judgement, no interruptions, no limitations with complete and utter positive regard and the deepest containment available – isn’t that the ultimate definition of love? And I have so much of it to give, I have an entire universe worth of love, affection and understanding to give and I hope you feel it.

I hope you feel my warmth, I hope you feel the space I am giving you; I hope you feel that undeniable release of an unexpressed emotion being expressed. I truly hope it makes a difference, I truly and sincerely hope I can say the words you need to hear; I hope I can be that reparative person you need in your life; I hope by containing what you’ve told me, you feel a little lighter, a little freer and a little clearer.

I am fully aware of my rescuer mode, and I try my best to keep it at bay, as it is not my role to rescue those who come to me. That’s not necessarily what they need, as they need to get there on their own and they can and will, with some guidance and support from my open heart.

So many have asked me why I would ever want to do what I do, why would I want to hold someone’s pain, why would I want to listen to someone’s woes, concerns, heartaches and troubles – wouldn’t that just be too much to contain? But that is not how I experience it – I never feel like it’s too much. If anything, I want more. I want that depth from those who talk to me, I want those deep and meaningful conversations, I want to get to the core of it all, the roots of where it all began, for my search for connection has made me an explorer, an investigator, a researcher with an endless thirst for insight. I will go wherever you want me to go, I am there with you, on the path you’re taking me on and I will point out things I see, that you may not see.

I will try and give you a different perspective because quite often those sitting in front of me do not see what I see, they have no idea what they are capable of, and they have no idea of the difference they make in the world. And if I can, in the simplest and purest and gentlest of ways bring up a mirror to show them who they are, then that is what I will continue to do, for the world needs more love, the world needs more understanding, the world needs more empathy and compassion but most of all the world needs more connection.

This is what drives me, connection with each and every single person who has been brave enough to explore their situation with me, this will undoubtedly, forever and always humble me.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Counselling Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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Slough, Berkshire, SL1
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Written by Pamela Lalria, Integrative Psychotherapeutic Trauma Counsellor
Slough, Berkshire, SL1

Pamela Lalria is a qualified psychotherapeutic counsellor with a special interest in childhood trauma.

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