Who is the therapist to you?

Today, I’d like to focus on an area that is not often considered, and that is what the therapist or counsellor is to you - the client. The therapist is of course a facilitator of healing, but what else are they? What do they represent for you? Who are they to you?

We will come to these questions in a moment, but firstly let’s consider what it is that makes the therapy unique. Is it the type of therapy? Or the individuals within both the client and therapist relationship that make it unique? If it’s the type of therapy, it's reasonable to assume that you would get the same experience amongst practitioners of the same model i.e. two integrative therapists, two cognitive behavioural therapists, and so on. However, it is seldom the case that the experience is the same when you visit two therapists who practice the same model. With that said, it's far more likely that the individuals within the client and therapist relationship are what make the experience a unique one for all concerned.

Therapists have training and qualifications; they may also have specialist training and qualifications in their areas of interest, and they may also have a variety of life experiences. That is what you, the client, expect when you walk through the door. And so you should. What you should also expect is the therapist will provide a safe space, free of judgement and work in an ethical manner. These are taken as read and are all part of the services provided. 

On the face of it, therapy does not have to be anything more than that; a meeting of two people in the room with the above outline and a willingness to work together on what ails you. However, people have personalities, likes, dislikes, interests and so much more - arguably their humanity.

To circle back to the start, "Who is your therapist to you?" The key words here are "to you", because they may be something different to someone else. But we're focusing on you, so does your therapist represent someone in your life currently or perhaps someone who used to be in your life - a parental archetype, a friend archetype, a teacher archetype, all of the above, and more?

Think for a moment what they might be to you. When you have thought about that and got an answer, think about if what they represent to you helps or hinders the work in session for you. Does it make it easier for you to explore yourself, or does it make it harder for you to connect? If they represent something for you, what or who is that, and does it again affect your interactions in your sessions? For example, do you project onto your therapist what you feel they might be thinking when actually that's what you're thinking? Do they remind you of someone and as such you transfer yourself with that person into your interactions with your therapist? Think for a moment about the above and see if you discover anything new that could help further your sessions or further explore your self-development.

Now that you have given that some thought, we can circle back to what makes your sessions unique - both yours and your therapist's humanity. Arguably, it's our humanity that makes us all unique individuals. This means that your therapist is not stored in a cupboard to come out for a session, provide the above services with the above outline, and then return to the cupboard. The therapist (as well as training and qualifications) is also human. They have life experience - some good, some bad, and some in between. They may have tattoos, they may have different coloured hair, they may be male, they may be female they may be non-binary, they may be part of the LGBTQIA+ community, they may like music, movies, engage in hobbies, and much more besides.

You may never know the layers that make up your therapist as it's not about them; it’s about you the client, as it should be. 

Why am I getting you to think in these terms? So that when you are looking for a therapist, you can find someone who works for you; you can throw out any preconceived notions about what a therapist should or shouldn’t be, and work on exploring what it is you want to.

Some of your biggest self-development could come from an area you didn’t realise until you were presented with it, be that coloured hair, tattoos, or something else. What am I getting you to engage with here? I’m exploring with you the possibility of connection; your humanity meeting your therapist’s humanity in the middle of the room. Two people exploring your world and what is going on for you. The next time you meet a therapist ask yourself, "What it is that makes it work for you?" You might be surprised that the answer may not be their training, the working model, or any of the things first outlined. Instead, you might find it is their humanity. The thing that makes it work is your ability to connect your humanity with theirs and vice versa.

You are a unique individual, with unique individual concerns, you are human, and your therapist is human. If you both connect in the therapy space, this might be just the space for you. Feel free to contact me to explore your humanity and understand more.