Race, identity, racism and anxiety affect many people of colour

I know from my own experience how much racism affected me whilst I was growing up in the United Kingdom in the early 1980s. You see, I was not born in the country – I was born in Uganda and then expelled with my family to this country. That expulsion was based on the racism of the then-dictator in Uganda, Idi Amin.

My family stayed in a refugee camp at R.A.F Stradishall in Surrey and my father then decided to take us to Kenya where we lived until 1983 when a military coup saw us finally settle in the UK. Africa for me, still lives in my blood and soul.

As a young Asian boy who was sent to a Kent boarding school in 1983, racism and mistreatment was very much a part of my experiences. My parents thought that a public school education might help my brother and I, and whilst it did, it created an emotionally traumatising two years where I rarely saw my mother and where I had to learn to emotionally 'survive'.

Being called 'Chalky' - a slur against my Asian identity by the boarding school teacher meant to look after students was certainly a wake-up call  as to the endemic state of racism in the institution. Having 'curry boy', 'black b*****d' and 'P***' repeatedly thrown at me by older students and those in my school years, created a sense of self-loathing in me whilst I developed layers of armour to emotionally defend myself.

These have taken years to slowly peel off and I only now realise how limiting they have been. Racism, it seems, creates layers of emotional armour around the targeted person which limits their ability to trust and makes them hypervigilant against communities associated with perpetrators of racism.

Anything that emotionally limits an individual over time has impacts. For some survivors of racism, it creates a subconscious form of self-hate, a desire to be like those who are deemed to be the majority (with social standing and perceived power), and instils very low self-esteem in survivors. For others, anger, hypervigilance and heightened defensiveness are all reactions to feelings of social dislocation that may have felt through being subjected to racism.

We also know that racism is not just a 'one-off' event. Whilst racism has been significantly challenged since my childhood and is not as widespread as it is, institutional racism and prejudice, as well as street-based racism, continue to affect people of colour. So, racism has long-term impacts on survivors who have been through multiple experiences of it.

Which is why for me, when working with clients who have anxiety, panic attacks, or intrusive thoughts and who are people of colour, exploring their past experiences of race, racism and impacts on their sense of self is so important. The sense of 'lack of control' in anxiety may well have developed because of things being done to individuals and feeling powerless in their early childhood development. There is a very strong link between the two and a latter desire in adulthood to feel that sense of control in anxiety sufferers.

Racism at its core, is a form of dehumanisation and exclusion. It is felt as a form of targeted dislocation and those subjected to it feel that their very being is under attack and their worth is akin to being nothing.

Which is why we need to keep talking about it as therapists - between us, with clients of colour and at a national social policy level.