Congruence: The essential driver for successful counselling

Psychotherapists, counsellors, and other professionals within the mental health community will tell you that reflecting on the issues we have had the privilege to bear witness to, can be extremely beneficial. Counsellors often formulate their clients' issues to gain an understanding of how they perceive the world. Creating journals, mind maps, and taking notes are all crucial elements of the counsellor’s role in making sense of the client’s presenting issues and their personal view of the world. All of this informs future contact.

Similarly, the client may be doing the same thing. Analysing the relationship between the client and the counsellor, recording their experiences, and even taking the time to reflect deeply on what they have revealed to who is initially a stranger. Clients may feel hesitant to disclose their issues quickly. As the relationship develops, it is hoped that this will change as both counsellor and client develop a sense of trust and symbiosis.

Irvin Yalom, a gifted psychotherapist, emphasises in his book, "The Gift of Therapy," the importance of the counsellor sharing their own experiences, feelings, and reflections. In the counselling room, Yalom encouraged the counsellor to recount any mistakes they or them have made, with the view of addressing honestly their actions and attempting to heal any potential relationship ruptures. Counsellors, like clients, are human, prone to errors, mistakes and misunderstanding their clients.

I use what Yalom promotes whenever I interact with clients. Maintaining congruence with clients is beneficial and essential. Many counsellors who subscribe to an authentic, honest, and relational perspective often highlight their honest reflections of any potential misunderstandings they have made or even misinterpreting what the client is trying to communicate. Disclosing these misunderstandings can positively influence the therapeutic relationship and can allow the potential for a more meaningful depth to the interactions.

Evidence suggests that this approach has contributed to the strengthening of the therapeutic relationship. This demonstrates to the client that they are sharing their difficult psychological presentations with a grounded, honest, and self-reflective counsellor. Unfortunately, not all counsellors provide this level of honesty and openness. This directly impacts the therapeutic relationship, increasing the likelihood that the client will return for the next appointment. Hopefully, this article will encourage my colleagues to incorporate some of what Yalom describes.

Positively however, my experience working within multi-functional teams consistently demonstrates this element of honesty. As a result of this congruence, we can achieve effective and productive results. Client feedback is overwhelmingly positive, particularly regarding the counsellor’s humaneness and the ability to adjust and address issues that may arise during counselling sessions. 

If you perceive the counselling profession as one of formality, rigid approaches, and the misuse of power, please consider that there are many counsellors who work from a place of honesty, empathy, acceptance, and humanness. Interacting with a counsellor like this is beneficial to the client’s ability to trust and respect the person sitting across from them, discussing intimate, painful and complex issues.

In summary, Yalom’s quote resonates with me and many other professional counsellors: "Revealing oneself fully to another and still being accepted may be the major therapeutic tool."