Relationship difficulties. Is it worth saving?
A breakdown in a relationship can be a painful thing. It is hard to know if it is recoverable. When you are feeling hurt or unsure about the future of the relationship, it can make you hesitant to try to make it better, or to have hope for a future together. These are normal and understandable feelings.
It can also feel very exposing and embarrassing talking about very personal relationship issues with a therapist who is a stranger. Therapists are sensitive to this fact, and will do their best to make you feel comfortable.
However bad it has been there is hope that the relationship can recover if:
1. Deep down you still like the other person - even if right now you feel hurt or angry with them as well.
2. You haven't reached the point where you have contempt for your partner. That can be hard to turn around.
3. You haven't met someone else.
4. Most importantly you are prepared to look at yourself and talk about your own difficulties. This is really hard to do. It is easy to want to blame the other person when you are hurt, and it is hard to think about what you can do differently.
However little hope you have for the future and whether you believe it is too late to change, relationship counselling is always worth doing so you can say you tried everything before giving up.
When you are in a relationship you may not have enough distance to look at it clearly, and this can make you unsure about whether it can be fixed and how to go about that. It can be helpful to talk with a therapist who will identify unhelpful patterns of relating and communicating, and also help you to understand how your past may be affecting how you relate to your partner now.
A couple therapist is neutral, doesn't take sides, and will intervene actively so that you can have a safe and more constructive conversation with each other.
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.
About Teresa Mulvena
Teresa Mulvena is a senior accredited therapist with extensive experience working with couples and individuals with relationship issues. If you feel anxious about whether counselling can be useful or not, come to one session with no ongoing commitment and you will get a sense of whether it is going to be helpful.… Read more
Located in Kingston.
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