Colours of your self-esteem
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Amrit Sagoo; MA (Existential Psychotherapy), MNCS (Accred); MBACP (Reg).
15th June, 20160 Comments
What I never
from my mother
someone desires you
not mean they value you.
desire is the kind of thing that
leaves you starving.
“Just because someone desires you, does not mean that they value you”.
Read it over.
Let these words seep deep through you and settle, albeit uncomfortably, in your mind.
This is what we sometimes say when we speak of our longing to be desired and for their desires to be reciprocated - to have our 'happy ever after'.
We all yearn this, this feeling of reciprocity when it comes to our intimate relationships yet yearning does not make it so.
Often wishing for something (or someone) to be in a certain way with us leads to much disappointment.
In a therapeutic encounter we find that there ways of looking at these experiences of excitement and new love. We find that we take the time, slow down and pay close attention to our instincts and gut feelings we know more than we let ourselves believe. We know if someone is going to be good for us right from the start and often we try and silence that voice because we do not want to believe what it is telling us. Often it is because we wish to stop looking for 'the one'. We want the person we are with now to be the one.
Much time is needed when it comes to forming intimate relationship and in our “quick fix; only a mouse click away; multiple choices that exist” society in which we live today, it is easy to forget.
Yet it pays to be cautious, for rushing in can often lead to much disappointment and a broken heart - and a broken heart and a shattered sense of self-esteem may take many years to mend, to rebuild and is never quite the same again.
So trust the signs, that voice.
And ultimately, know the difference between someone who values you from someone who just desires you.
About the author
Without the labels, I am just me. With the labels, I am a therapist with a deep interest in human beings and the stories we tell ourselves and each other.
Related articles from our experts
- 3 in a relationship: couples and their past
Cinzia Altobelli (MSc RGN UKCP reg Psychotherapist/Counsellor & Supervisor)12th June, 2018
- Infidelity: how to rebuild trust after betrayal
Chloe Goddard McLoughlin (Reg BACP, BA, Ad Dip, Dip) Counsellor/Psychotherapist12th June, 2018
- How to recognise a narcissist before it’s too late
Debbie Fletcher Dip Integrative Counselling Reg MBACP11th June, 2018
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.