When anxiety and worry is misunderstood in our communities

Coming from a minority cultural background, one thing I struggle with both personally and professionally is the taboo around expressing anxiety or worry.

In many BAME communities, showing emotional vulnerability is often seen as being ungrateful, weak, or lacking faith. You are expected to “just get on with it,” to smile through your struggles, and to be grateful even while you are silently running out of capacity to cope. But is anxiety a sign of ingratitude? What happens when we are not allowed to acknowledge or express our emotions?

Let’s explore why this dynamic exists in minority communities.

Many of these communities share a legacy of survival. Historically, in environments where basic physical survival was the priority, there was little space to tend to emotional wounds. Those perceived as mentally or emotionally ‘unfit’ were often left behind. While we may no longer face those same extreme conditions today, the cultural imprint of “survival equals silence” still lingers.

Struggling mentally is often still viewed as a sign of weakness. In this context, emotional suppression becomes the default coping mechanism, particularly for anxiety, worry, or sadness, that our environment does not allow space for. But is suppression a long-term solution? The truth is that emotions do not disappear simply because we suppress them. Instead, they often resurface in more harmful ways.

In cultures where emotional expression is discouraged, we frequently see emotional displacement. For example, a woman who has had a difficult day at work may come home, continue managing the household, and feel anxious about a looming deadline, but cultural expectations prevent her from seeking support or asking for a time out.

With no safe outlet, her anxiety might erupt as irritation or anger directed at her partner or children. If she had been able to express those emotions healthily, perhaps by saying, “I’m anxious about work and I need a bit of time to focus”, that displacement might not have occurred. The same applies to children. If they are not taught how to name or express their worry, it may show up as meltdowns, withdrawal, or rigid behaviours. What looks like 'bad behaviour' is often a cry for help from emotions they do not yet have the language to express.

How do we learn to recognise and express our emotions when, historically and culturally, we have only been encouraged to suppress them? The first step is to accept that feeling anxious, worried, or sad is not a sign of ingratitude. These emotions do not mean we are unthankful for what life has given us, nor are they a reflection of how much we value our parents, partners, or children. Feeling emotions does not make you weak; it makes you human. Create a safe emotional space with those closest to you. Start small. Expressing even a little can make a significant difference.

Begin by listening to your body. Learn to notice the early signs of anxiety: sweaty palms, a racing heartbeat, sudden hunger despite having eaten, or a loss of appetite. Pay attention to shifts in your mood and behaviour, irritability, tearfulness, the desire to isolate yourself, or sensitivity to things that do not usually affect you.

It is also important to notice how you cope. Many people turn to avoidance or seek comfort through food, substances, or impulsive spending. Some may over-function, throwing themselves into work or caregiving to distract from how they feel.

Instead, try to replace these patterns with healthier coping strategies:

• Take a moment to pause and acknowledge what you’re feeling.
• Use grounding or breathing exercises.
• Allow yourself to cry if needed. It is a natural release.
• Go for a walk to help regulate your body and mind.
• Write your thoughts down to gain clarity.
• Talk to someone you trust; someone who can listen without judgment, minimising, or “fixing.”

Acknowledging and accepting our emotions is the first step toward learning how to regulate them. We must remind ourselves that feeling emotions is different from being ungrateful. It is empowering to learn how to release those emotions in healthy, constructive ways. By doing so, we not only support our well-being but we contribute to building a community where emotions are accepted without stigma or shame. A community where being emotional does not mean being weak or “less than“.

When we choose to embrace and express rather than deny and suppress, we model something powerful for our children and future generations, that we do not have to continue the cycle of silence and suffering, that it is okay to feel anxiety, worry or sadness. And that healing begins with honesty, first with us, and then with each other. The process of healing initiates with being truthful, first to oneself, and subsequently to others.