Letting go of assumptions and embracing your life

Life doesn’t always turn out how we imagine, which can be frustrating. One of the most significant sources of this frustration comes from the assumptions we carry - often without even realising it. These are the beliefs we’ve absorbed from childhood, culture, or society about what life should look like.

What assumptions have you made?

Think back to your younger self. Did you assume that by now, you would:

• Live in a particular type of house?
• Be married?
• Have children?
• Be financially stable?
• Have a successful, fulfilling career?
• Be in good health?
• Travel the world?

For many of us, these assumptions shaped our expectations for adulthood. But when life unfolds differently - whether due to circumstances, choices, or challenges - it can feel disorienting, even painful. The gap between where you thought you’d be and where you are can create deep frustration.

My assumptions vs reality

I’ve had my struggles with this. I assumed I’d get married, have two kids, work full-time in a well-paid job, own a big house with a large beautiful garden, stay fit and healthy, and have enough money to travel or buy a holiday home. My upbringing, people, and societal norms shaped these expectations.

But life is rarely that simple. Assumptions don’t account for the twists and turns of reality - unexpected challenges, personal growth, changing desires, or factors beyond our control. When things don’t go as planned, it can leave us feeling like we’ve failed somehow. But the truth is, we haven’t failed - we’ve just been living real life, not an idealised version of it.

Reframing your assumptions

If you’re feeling frustrated because life isn’t matching your expectations, it can help to:

1. Recognise the assumptions you hold - Are they still serving you?
2. Challenge the belief that life should look a certain way - Whose standards are you measuring yourself against?
3. Redefine success on your terms - What truly matters to you now?
4. Practice self-compassion - You’re not failing; you’re adapting, growing, and navigating life in the best way you can.

Life doesn’t have to follow a set script. Sometimes, letting go of outdated assumptions can be the first step toward feeling more at peace with where you are.

If this resonates with you and you’d like support exploring these feelings, counselling or therapy can help. 

As I approach 60, I see my life doesn’t look exactly as I once assumed. Some things I have achieved, while others have taken a very different path. Sometimes, the gap between what I expected and what happened has felt frustrating.

What I didn’t anticipate was dealing with chronic health issues since my 40s or how that would impact my ability to work full-time and earn a consistent income. I didn’t expect to divorce after 20 years. But that’s how life unfolds - often full of unexpected twists we have little control over.

When assumptions get in the way

It’s easy to get caught up in assumptions about how life should be. We grow up with specific ideas - shaped by family, culture, and society - about what success, happiness, or fulfilment will look like. But when life doesn’t match those expectations, it can leave us feeling stuck, disappointed, or like we’ve somehow fallen short.

I’ve learned that clinging too tightly to assumptions can make appreciating what’s good in life hard. They can keep us focused on what we don’t have rather than on what we do, which can be a painful way to live.

Shifting your focus

Instead of measuring your life against outdated expectations, try asking yourself:

• Are my assumptions still serving me?
• What if I stopped focusing on what I thought life should be and embraced what it is?
• What are the positives in my life right now?

Letting go of assumptions isn’t about giving up on dreams or ambitions - it’s about making peace with where you are rather than fighting against it. It’s about shifting your focus to all the good in your life, even if it looks different from what you once imagined.

Life doesn’t always go to plan, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be meaningful, fulfilling, and full of joy.

Case study: Learning to let go of assumptions and embrace life as it is

Background

Sarah, 58, came to counselling feeling frustrated and disheartened about her situation. She had always assumed that she would be financially secure by this stage, retire from a long and fulfilling career, and enjoy a stable family life with grown-up children who lived nearby. However, reality looked very different.

She had experienced multiple career setbacks due to health issues, which had forced her to step away from full-time work much earlier than she had planned. Financially, she was managing but didn’t have the level of security she had envisioned. On top of this, her two adult children had moved abroad for work, leaving her feeling lonely and disconnected. She was stuck in a cycle of comparing her life to what she thought it should have been, making it difficult for her to appreciate what she did have.

Identifying the impact of assumptions

In our sessions, Sarah began to explore the assumptions she had carried with her since childhood - assumptions that had shaped her expectations for how life “should” look. She had grown up believing that success meant working in a stable, well-paid job until retirement, that family should always live close by, and that good health was something she could count on.

Realising that these expectations were not guarantees but cultural and personal beliefs was a turning point for Sarah. We discussed how assumptions can sometimes set us up for disappointment, making it hard to appreciate the reality of our lives.

Shifting perspective

Instead of focusing on what she hadn’t achieved, Sarah worked on shifting her perspective to recognise what she did have:

• A part-time job she enjoyed, which allowed her flexibility and purpose without exhausting her.
• Strong relationships with her children, even if they were far away, and regular visits to look forward to.
• A deep appreciation for her health rather than grieving for what it used to be.

Sarah also learned to challenge her assumptions by asking herself:

• Whose expectations am I living by?
• What if my life isn’t “wrong,” just different?
• How can I find contentment with what I have right now?

Finding peace and gratitude

Over time, Sarah’s mindset shifted. She stopped seeing her life as a disappointment and started embracing it as her unique journey. She made peace with the idea that happiness doesn’t come from rigidly following a pre-set plan but from learning to adapt, accept, and find joy in the present moment.

By letting go of outdated assumptions and focusing on the positives in her life, Sarah could move forward with greater acceptance and peace - proving that life can still be meaningful and fulfilling, even when it doesn’t look exactly as we once imagined.

Waiting to make a move

Frustration is a natural part of life, but it doesn’t have to define or hold you back. Instead of letting it stop you in your tracks, use it as a signal - a push to think differently, problem-solve creatively, and take action in a way that works for you.

One of the biggest traps I see people fall into (and I’ve been there myself) is waiting for the perfect time to make a change. Whether it’s time, energy, health, or money that feels like the barrier, it’s easy to tell ourselves; "I’ll start when things settle down… when I feel 100% ready… when life feels more in control." But the reality is that the perfect moment rarely comes.

Start where you are, with what you have

Instead of waiting for ideal circumstances, start small. Break down your goals into manageable, sustainable steps that work with your current limitations, not against them. If you’re feeling stuck, ask yourself:

• What is one small action I can take today?
• How can I adapt my goal to fit my current situation?
• Who can I talk to for support or fresh ideas?

Sometimes, the smallest step - making a phone call, researching an option, or reaching out for help - can be enough to shift your mindset from stuck to moving forward. The moment you take action, no matter how small, your sense of control and confidence starts to grow.

Embracing creative solutions

Thinking outside the box can be a game-changer. Maybe you can’t do something as planned, but is there another way? Could a different approach, timeline, or expectation make it more achievable? Think big, experiment, and be open to doing things differently.

Small steps create big change

Every journey starts with a single step. By focusing on progress rather than perfection, you keep yourself moving forward. So, instead of waiting for everything to align, take one small action today. You might be surprised at where it leads.

Life doesn’t always go to plan, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be meaningful, fulfilling, and full of joy.