The hurt and pain behind Christmas
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Antonella Zottola
23rd November, 20170 Comments
While Christmas is seen as a jubilant occasion that embodies the theme of family, friends and happiness, the reality is that many are plagued by deep sadness, loneliness and even despair. Christmas can bring with it painful memories and make people feel more isolated and alone.
Let's imagine some realities; the elderly that may be forgotten or with no family, the victim of domestic abuse who may be tempted to go back to abuse because it feels better than the pain of loneliness, the child whose parents cannot afford much, the homeless on the street, the one's who may have lost a loved one or experienced trauma around this time, those who have no family or who have removed themselves from toxic 'family'. The one's forever struggling of which Christmas may feel like just a day like any other.
Many of these painful feelings can make people suicidal even around this time, especially when the pressures to be and appear happy are placed upon them, when they are seen as Scrouge's and ruining it for everyone else if they are not.
This pressure can often lead some to smile, and so a smile can been seen but the inner torment often remains hidden.
Christmas highlights what is lacking in people's life and magnifies it, bringing feelings of shame, inferiority, a sense of failure and then feeling like one is bad if they are not in the mood to celebrate, feel happy or like the very season that seems the most painful as there is no escape from this theme. These happy images are painful reminders that can be torturous to those who have no contacts or family, suffer from mental illness, are being abused and whose life is not the epitome of joy. Where tears are to be found instead of laughter, where the tinsel may not sparkle, where there may be nobody to pull a cracker with, where loneliness and pain engulfs them even when surrounded by others.
Many clients may indeed feel like this and need counselling and support at a time which can be seen as the most painful as it forces so many happy images and so many images of family, security and happiness that remind others of all they may have lost or all they don't have. It can also remind them of all that can make them feel guilty for not being happy, shame at all that they might lack in life at that moment and loneliness at the reminder of not having the happy family or close ones to share it with.
If family members are depressed, or things happen at Christmas, the association made will not be positive. Many hurts can be thrown in peoples faces and many expectations and pressures placed on this sense of being happy whilst the truth is for many that they could be hurting inside.
It's important to realise how sensitive and painful this season and time can be for many others out there that may need support, understanding and validation. Let's not forget that Christmas isn't always a happy day for everyone and that's okay.
Let someone know you care, not only at Christmas but during the rest of the calendar year. Be understanding and accept that Christmas isn't the best time of year for all out there.
About the author
I am a qualified counsellor with a teaching degree and a passion for writing.
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