Learn to forgive and improving our healing
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Mary Mcilroy London Bridge SE1, Central London W1, Muswell Hill N10, MBACP Reg
26th May, 20160 Comments
Are you holding onto anger from some past deed? Maybe your parents were too harsh or insensitive, perhaps your partner had an affair or a trusted friend betrayed you. Maybe you still bristle years later from the rage of some injustice. Of course you are justifiably angry, you are right.
That ‘ B…….’ totally ripped you off/cheated and lied/broke your heart and walked away…. everything you feel and say about them is true and there is no going back.
Time has past, the rage is still burning.
Who is this anger hurting most?
- “Chronic stress can have a serious impact on our physical as well as psychological health due to sustained high levels of the chemicals released in the ‘fight or flight’ response.
- Mind and body are inextricably linked and the interaction between them can produce physical changes. Our brain notices a stressor, a physical reaction is triggered, and the reaction can lead to further emotional reactions and mental and physical damage.
- Some problems such as headaches and muscle tension are often directly caused by the bodily responses that accompany stress.
- Many other disorders are aggravated by stress among them are: high blood pressure, heart problems, skin problems and pain, infertility, susceptibility to infections.”
- Jane Collingwood.
Now here’s the hard part, can you take the initiative and be the one to take the first step? I hear your groans and feel your pain.
Can you stop judging, accept… for who they are? (We are all human and all make mistakes). You could move onto the next party, drink, shop, visit friends and avoid the emotional pain but you take the anger and stresses with you.
So, what’s wrong with that? Ask any alcoholic, depressive, addict, youth offender, coronary victim. You can learn a lot from your dark side.
Or you can try to build/rebuild trust. There are no guarantees, you can prepare for rejection but hope for a win. Change and forgiveness works both ways. Stop blaming, stop feeding the anger and keeping it alive. Even if you still hold on to... laying the foundation stone.
The responsibility for forgiveness is yours now and that’s the bottom line. Choosing to forgive can be a relief, liberating, empowering, spiritually cleansing enabling you to move on. Life doesn’t wait.
Forgiveness does not change the past. Whatever happened ... has happened... it is done. But our feelings about the past can change.
The amazing benefit of forgiveness is this - when we make peace with the past, forgiveness frees us to enjoy... a better, healthier, happier life right now.
About the author
I am a registered counsellor with the BACP. The areas where I work are: London Bridge/The City of London and Muswell Hill/London N10. Although I help people mainly with issues of anxiety and depression, I cover many other areas.
Related articles from our experts
Dr Kornilia Givissi, Counselling Psychologist (HCPC Reg, DCounsPsy)March 16th, 2017
Daljinder Bal (MBACP)March 22nd, 2017
Noel Bell MA, PG Dip Psych, UKCPMarch 9th, 2017
Andrea Harrn Psychotherapist and Author of The Mood CardsMay 13th, 2011
Imi Lo: Psychotherapist, Art Therapist, Supervisor (MMH,UKCP,HCPC,MBPsS)March 29th, 2015
Keeley Townsend BA (Hons), Ad.Dip.CP with Distinction, MNCS (Acc)December 14th, 2009
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.