Human Givens - Emotionally Intelligent Counselling
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is a set of five skills that, when recognised, understood and developed, will determine how effective (especially interpersonally) a person can be.
These are not skills that need to be learned; they are innate resources that sometimes need to be encouraged and nurtured in clients, which is why recognising, understanding and developing are more appropriate than just learning.
Daniel Goleman (Ref1) coined the term Emotional Intelligence to describe a set of five skills that he felt made up EI, and which also support the approach that Human Givens (HG) Counselling uses (Ref2) when they are encouraging and developing the innate resources of their clients. Goleman identified these as:
- Self-Awareness – the ability to know your own strengths and weaknesses, as well as your drives, values and motives. The HG approach shows how we all have the ability to look at our own behaviour (called the ‘Observing Self) and make sense of it using our rational conscious mind. We just need to stop and take a good look at ourselves!
- Self-Regulation – that is the positive ways to manage our own impulsive behaviours and mood swings. HG says that we can do this because we learn through making and repeating patterns of behaviour (therefore stop bad ones and build positive ones!)
- Motivation – the desire to achieve simply for the sake of achievement. HG explains that we can use the power of our imagination to keep ourselves striving forward. Indeed, it is when we misuse our imagination that our ability to succeed is stopped. The HG therapist will help you engage your imagination positively.
- Empathy– the understanding of other people’s emotions and feelings. HG explains that from tiny babies we all have the innate ability to connect with others, understand and respond to them healthily. Sometimes, however, our busy minds interfere and prevent our empathy from working properly from that bit of us that ‘just knows’. The HG therapist will be seeking to help you reconnect with it.
- Social Skill– this is also known as building Rapport or the ability to influence others, understand their needs and explain our own needs.
Both Goleman and HG would reiterate the point that our EI skills and our resources are innate; that is, we are born with them. If those skills and resources are not serving us in effective, positive ways then as Goleman says “We can strengthen these abilities through persistence, practice and feedback”.
The Human Givens therapist takes an active approach to not only helping you take stock of your current levels of resources (and how they serve you. They will also take a proactive approach in keeping you focused, tenacious and persistent, help you practice and develop new skills and in the process give you the feedback that you need to progress.
- Goleman, D. (1998) ‘What makes a leader?’ published in ‘Essential Reads for Global Leaders’ HBR, Boston, USA.
- Griffin, J. & Tyrrell, I. (2003) 'Human Givens: A new approach to emotional health and clear thinking', HG Press, Chalvington, UK.
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