Ghosting: What is it and why does it hurt so much?
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Graeme Armstrong MBACP
30th September, 20170 Comments
So…you’ve been talking to somebody via text for a short while, or you’ve hooked up with them, slept together and then suddenly they are…not there anymore, they just…disappear.
You feel confused, rejected, you thought he or she cared for you, you thought you were moving forward in some way, you were seeing this relationship develop.
What’s going on?
Ghosting is a relatively new relationship phenomenon that breeds utter devastation in the person who has been ghosted. It could be seen as the predictable outcome of having both a vast array of digital choices on the dating scene, but having so many choices that it becomes automatic to search for the best, then a better search result; so there’s swipe, swipe, swipe and by the second swipe a previous relationship in the making is now in the breaking. But this is not communicated, except by an absence.
It’s a brutal form of breaking up.
It leaves you wondering how to react if you are the victim: What if the other person is ill, has something happened to them? You just don’t know and if your details are blocked you will never know. It hurts, like a physical pain hurts. You feel disempowered and, in effect, silenced.
If you are ghosted it is really important that you remember that this says nothing at all about you (because literally, it says nothing at all about you) or your self-worth; your self-worth must not be contingent or held to ransom by another’s dysfunctional social skills.
Don’t close yourself down or decide to get tough in future relationships: be true to your way of entering relationships and enter into the next one with pride, dignity and sincerity: don’t become fearful of ghosting!
If you have experienced this is may be a good idea to speak to a counsellor.
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